Don't Get Hooked!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Beneficial
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

A lousy marriage can literally make you sick. It can raise your risk for heart disease--that is what medical researchers reported.

So if you are experiencing marital strife, you need to do something about it. You cannot shove it under the rug. What to do? It is not as difficult as you want to believe. If you go back to the purpose of marriage, it will be clear to you what you should do. But we are creatures of much desires and so we cannot make up our minds. We complain and complain for years but we are afraid to take a stance.

You either stay together in harmony or you go separate ways in peace. It is that simple. Anything in between is calling misery to all concern--you, your spouse and your children. Sooner or later the inevitable will happen and meanwhile sins pile heap and deep. So why not stop the bleeding this very moment? Choose one or the other.

If you want to choose to separate but cannot leave for whatever reason--maybe you are thinking about your young children, maybe you don't have a job and depend on your spouse to support you, maybe you have an image to protect or to project, then realize that you need your spouse. So stop complaining, ignore and overlook the differences and be patient. No marriage is perfect. And certainly you are not perfect. It you are patient, the reward is tremendous with Allah.

If you can't do this, know that you cannot change someone if he or she doesn't want to change. Don't be blinded by false hopes. If the complaints escalate to hostility, your children become collateral damage in the crossfires. You do not want this to happen to innocent people. What to do? You can call it quits if a few sessions of counseling or third party intervention didn't help. There is no point arguing and cause more hostility. Separate in peace. Don't worry about what the other person is going to do.

Do what you must and leave the outcome to Allah. Allah sees and hears everything. You might ask, "But what is going to happen to my children?" First take care of yourself and leave your children to Allah to protect. He is the best Protector. If you think about it, if you become seriously ill and die, you are not going to be able to protect them anyway!

May Allah protect us and our families. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam