In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
There was a story of an old man with his adult son. His son used to treat him so badly and one day his son was angry with him and dragged him down the stairs and then outside. When the son stopped, he said to his son, "I did not drag your grandfather this far, but only to the stairs, so why did you do this to me?" The son then answered, "To the stairs is the payment (for what you did to your father), and the extra is the interest!"
The punishment of mistreating your parents will come not only in the Day of Judgment but before that, in this life as well. Remember, what goes around comes around.
It is narrated that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah postpones the punishment for one’s sins till the Day of Judgment if He so desires. But He award the punishment for disobeying the parents during this life, before his death." (Authentic, Al-Hakim) This means that the disobedient children will be punished twice; once in this world and secondly in the Hereafter.
Therefore, be good to your parents always. Being good to your parents is the best showing of gratitude to your Lord. Allah has promised an increase for those who are grateful.
Allah Almighty says,
وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِى لَشَدِيدٌ ﴿٧[Qur'an Ibrahim 14:7]
And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' (7)
Remember the famous story of Uwais Al-Qarny and his high rank with Allah.
So don't think you are doing your parents a favor or God a favor by you being good to your parents. It is, in reality, you are doing yourself a favor. You are making a great investment in this life and the next by being nice to them. Your return may come in the form of righteous children who treat you well in this life and supplicate for you after you die. If you are good to your parents, your children are bound to see this, and they will do same to you because parents are naturally the best examples for their children. And if you don't have children, don't worry, Allah sees and does not forget your good actions, and He will reward you from His great bounty and you can't even imagine right now.
Because Allah wants good for you and He knows human has the tendency to forget and to be ungrateful, Allah has made it an obligation upon children to be dutiful towards their parents, and written in the Qur'an in various places to remind us.
Allah Almighty says,
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣[Qur'an Al-Isra’ 17:23]
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23)
After enjoining upon us the duty of excellence in rendering kindness towards our parents, Allah orders us in the Qur’an (“وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا ﴿٢٤ Surah al-Isra' 17:24) to lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and pray for them saying,
رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا
My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.
One should show all types of kindness to one’s parents. Be careful, not to say or do anything to hurt your parent's feelings or make them weep. Remember, do unto others as you would others to do unto you. This apply to your parents too...not just to your friends. Don't take your parents for granted. Watch your tongues when you speak to them and do not mistreat them. Be respectful always towards them, and don't be slacking in supplicating for your parents.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are pleased with him, he comes into the morning with two doors of Paradise open to him. Whoever goes into the evening and both parents are pleased with him, he goes into the evening with two doors of Paradise open for him. And if he has just one parent, then one door of Paradise is open to him. Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are angry with him, he comes into the morning with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. Whoever goes into the evening with both parents are angry with him, he goes into the evening with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. And if he has just one parent, then one door is open for him." After realizing this huge position of parents that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was telling the companions about, one of the Companions asked, "Even if the parents were oppressive to them?" The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied, "Even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child.Imagine a child who passes away in the state his parents being pleased with them, he has 2 doors of Paradise he could choose to enter from, and imagine a child who died in the state of his parents being angry with him, he is doomed.
One of the scholars was seen weeping at the death of his mother, and when asked why he wept, he said, "Why shouldn't I cry when one of the doors of Paradise has left me." His mother, while she was alive allows a door of Paradise opens for him and once she passed away, it's over.
This is a important reminder for us that while our parents are still alive, it is important to do as much as we can for them because once they are gone, there is no going back. The nature of this world is that time passes very quickly and there is always a lot to do, and you think once you have some time, you would go and spend time with your mother, but she dies before you could do that, and it's over. Then the child has to spend the rest of his/her live, feeling remorse over the time he/she didn't spend the time with the parent.
Showing kindness to parents is not only during their lives but it extends beyond their death and continues as long as we live.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, is reported to have said, "When a son of Adam passes away, he is cut off from his deeds except for three things: a current or perpetual charity, good knowledge that benefits someone, and a good child who makes du`a' (supplication) for him."
A Muslim can show kindness and do acts expressing dutifulness to his parents after their death by making du`a' for them, doing voluntary good deeds on their behalf, as well as fulfilling religious obligations such as Hajj, fasting, Zakah, Kaffarah (expiation), etc. on their behalf if they died before performing them or were negligent in performing them.
There are several hadiths reported on the authority of Ibn `Abbas and others to the effect that a Muslim can do several acts of righteousness as well as religious obligations on behalf of his deceased parents as a form of showing kindness to them after their death.
It is reported on the authority of al-Hajjaj ibn Dinar that a man asked Allah's Messenger, Allah bless him and grant him peace, "I used to show kindness to my parents during their lives, but what can I do in terms of kindness towards them after their death?" The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "It is out of kindness after kindness towards parents that you offer prayers on their behalf along with your prayers and to fast on their behalf along with your fasting."
In a report cited by Imam al-Bukhari in his famous work al-Adab al-Mufrad, it read, “A man approached the Prophet asking, “Is there anything I must do in terms of kindness towards my parents after their death?” The Prophet replied, “Yes, there are four things for you to do: Praying and asking forgiveness of Allah on their behalf, fulfilling their promises, respecting their friends, and fostering their ties of kinship…”
The most important thing that will benefit the deceased is to strive to pray for him/her and ask for forgiveness and mercy for him, and for Paradise and salvation from the Fire, and other good and beautiful du`a’s (supplications). Prayers for forgiveness offered by both sons and daughters of the deceased bring great benefits. Often a person in the grave suddenly finds his station elevated or conditions change, and when he enquires why it is happening to him, he is told that it is by virtue of the good deeds or prayers of his offspring on his behalf. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “A man’s status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, ‘How did I get here?’ He will be told, ‘By your son’s du`a’s (prayers) for forgiveness for you.” (Reported by Ibn Majah)
Sadaqah (charity) given on the parent's behalf may benefit the deceased parent, because Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that a man said to the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace: “My mother has passed away, and if she could have spoken, she would have given something in charity. Will she receive a reward if I give something on her behalf?" He said, “Yes.” (Reported by Bukhari)
Other deeds that may also benefit the deceased are Hajj and fasting on their behalf, after the living person has first performed Hajj and `Umrah on his or her own behalf. ‘Abdullah ibn Buraydah reported that his father (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “While I was sitting with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), a woman came to him and said: ‘I gave my mother a slave-woman in charity, and now my mother has died.’ He said: ‘You have got your reward, and your right of inheritance has brought your gift back to you.’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, she still had one month to fast – can I fast it on her behalf?’ He said, ‘Fast it on her behalf.’ She said, ‘She never went to Hajj – can I perform Hajj on her behalf?’ He said, ‘Perform Hajj on her behalf.’” (Reported by Muslim)
Another thing that may benefit the deceased is to fulfill their nadhr (vow), because Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) reported that a woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “My mother made a vow to perform Hajj but she died before she could do it. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?" He said, “Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. Don’t you think that if your mother owed a debt you would pay it off?” She said, "Yes." He said, “Then pay off what is owed to Allah, for Allah is more deserving of having vows fulfilled.” (Reported by al-Bukhari)
Another thing that may benefit the deceased is if his relative devotes a share to him of a sacrifice he offers. When the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) offered a sacrifice, he said: “In the name of Allah, O Allah, on behalf of Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.” (Reported by Muslim) The family of Muhammad included both the living and the dead.”
It is highly recommended for us to visit the graves of our parents. Such visits serve as excellent reminders for us besides prompting us to remember and pray for our parents. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “In the past, I had forbidden you from visiting graves, but now you should do so, for it might remind you of the next world.”
May Allah grant us righteous children and make our children righteous and comfort to our eyes. Ameen.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا ﴿٧٤[Qur'an Al-Furqan 25:74]
Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakum Allahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
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