In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
You all probably have heard these ancient proverbs, “We can live without a brother, but not without a friend.” “A life without a friend is a life without a sun”. Indeed, everyone need a good companion. That's one of the reasons why people get married, but unfortunately more and more couples end up becoming enemies.
The object of friendship is to get benefit in the next world.
Maintaining friendliness to all human beings is vital for all. A Muslim should be a good friend to Allah's creatures. But we should choose close friends (Qur’anic term awliya) on the basis of their personal integrity, trustworthiness, and other good human traits. We should keep away from making those our close friends who are not well mannered and who do not give attention to what pleases or displeases Allah. A close friend will always behave like a mirror who gives an honest undistorted image of a friend. They forgive mistakes, but do not hide or exaggerate strengths and weaknesses.
The Prophet, Allah bless and him and grant him peace, said, “The believer is like a mirror to other believers.”
Friendship based upon belief and taqwa (God-consciousness, God-Fearingness, piety) is the true and lasting one. On the other hand, friendship based on materialistic reasons is transient and a losing concern for this world and the Hereafter. Kindness to and love for one another are the pillars of a long lasting friendship. A good friend is someone whose company brings blessings, reminds practice of Islam, increases knowledge, enhances spirituality, and encourages dutifulness to the Muslim community and motivates to work for all.
True friendship inspires one’s devotion to Allah and His Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, and loyalty to one’s parents and family, as they are aware that their own children would inherit their qualities.
Abdullah ibn ‘Umar radhiAllahu anhu narrated that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
Obey your parents and treat them kindly, for if you do so then your own children will be obedient and kind to you.(Tabari)
The best example of true friendship can be found in the one between the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, and Abu Bakr As-Siddiq radhiAllahu anhu. When the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was migrating (hijrah) from Makkah to Madinah he would not leave until he had chosen a companion to accompany him on his way. Abu Bakr offered himself to accompany him, and he accepted it after Allah approved it. Abu Bakr, the most trusted friend and companion of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, sacrificed everything for the sake of Allah and to the service of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace. He was given the title As-Siddiq (the trustworthy.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said that seven persons will get shade under the shade of the Throne on the Day of Resurrection. There are two persons out of them who love each other for the sake of Allah.
Make friendship having a look to one's character, conduct and qualities. The person with whom companionship is to be kept should have five qualities in the person -- intellect, good conduct, not to be a sinner, not to be an innovator, not to be a worldly addicted person.
Allah Almighty says,
لَّا تَجِدُ قَوْمًا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِٱللَّـهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِ يُوَآدُّونَ مَنْ حَآدَّ ٱللَّـهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ وَلَوْ كَانُوٓا۟ ءَابَآءَهُمْ أَوْ أَبْنَآءَهُمْ أَوْ إِخْوَٰنَهُمْ أَوْ عَشِيرَتَهُمْ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ كَتَبَ فِى قُلُوبِهِمُ ٱلْإِيمَـٰنَ وَأَيَّدَهُم بِرُوحٍ مِّنْهُ ۖ وَيُدْخِلُهُمْ جَنَّـٰتٍ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ خَـٰلِدِينَ فِيهَا ۚ رَضِىَ ٱللَّـهُ عَنْهُمْ وَرَضُوا۟ عَنْهُ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ حِزْبُ ٱللَّـهِ ۚ أَلَآ إِنَّ حِزْبَ ٱللَّـهِ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ ﴿٢٢[Qur'an Al-Mujadila 58:22]
You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred. Those - He has decreed within their hearts faith and supported them with spirit from Him. And We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally. Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him - those are the party of Allah. Unquestionably, the party of Allah - they are the successful. (22)
وَيَوْمَ يَعَضُّ ٱلظَّالِمُ عَلَىٰ يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَـٰلَيْتَنِى ٱتَّخَذْتُ مَعَ ٱلرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًا ﴿٢٧﴾ يَـٰوَيْلَتَىٰ لَيْتَنِى لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا ﴿٢٨﴾ لَّقَدْ أَضَلَّنِى عَنِ ٱلذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَآءَنِى ۗ وَكَانَ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ لِلْإِنسَـٰنِ خَذُولًا ﴿٢٩[Qur'an Al-Furqan 25:27-29]
And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret] he will say, "Oh, I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way. (27) Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. (28) He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter." (29)
ٱلْأَخِلَّآءُ يَوْمَئِذٍۭ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ ﴿٦٧[Qur'an Az-Zumar 43:67]
Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except the righteous.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, gave us a clear message in regard to friendship.
A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.[Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidi]
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, urges us to “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people to protect yourself from their evils.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
He, Allah bless him and grant him peace, shows us between a good friendship and a bad friendship in the following hadith:
The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.[Bukhari and Muslim]
Friendship is about reciprocating good manners, good and sincere advice and being a role model to one another overlooking small mistakes but not abdicating the task of reminding each other of goodness, righteousness and patience.
Anyone who criticizes you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you.[Abu Dawud, Hasan Hadith]
Friendship is about cheerfulness of the face, softness of the tongue and largeness of the heart. Agreement on everything is not the condition of friendship, but dignified disagreement is essential. Maintaining and spreading of modesty (haya) and practicing of cleanliness and purity (taharah) are vital.
Choosing friends maybe simple but finding true friends needs some intuition and simple testing. Ancient proverbs say:
"An untried friend is like an uncracked nut."Once the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was asked, “What person can be the best friend?” He counseled, “He who helps you remember Allah, and reminds you when you forget Him.” He was further asked, “Who is the best among people?” He replied, “He who, when you look at him, you remember Allah”. Such a friend reflects qualities of love, mercy, honesty, patience, optimism, professionalism, and the entire lifestyle taught by Islam.
"Prove a friend before you seek him."
Ali ibn Abi Talib radhiAllahu anhu mentioned the types of friends for a Muslim,
• The friend who says: ‘I am with you whether you are alive or dead’, and this is his deed.
• The friend who says: ‘I am with you unto the threshold of your grave and then I will leave you’, and this is his children.
• The friend who says: ‘I will be with you until when you die’, and this is his wealth which will belong to the inheritors when he dies’.
Wise sayings:
• Be not friend with a fool, for he will harm you while meaning to do good to you.
• It is better to listen to a wise enemy than to seek counsel from a foolish friend.
• If a friend envies you, then he is not a true friend.
Being happy with a friend’s success, and not being envious, is essential. Allah censures the envious one, "Or do they envy men for what Allah has given them from His bounty." [Qur’an 4:94]
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Do not envy one another." [Muslim]
Keeping promise of one another is vital. Sufyan ath-Thawri (d.164H) said, "Do not make a promise to your companion and then break it, so that love turns to hate."
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: One Muslim is brother to another Muslim. The tie of friendship and brotherhood is like that of husband and wife. He does not treat him bad, he does not spoil his honor and does not surrender him to the hands of his enemy.
Allah Almighty says,
... وَٱعْتَصِمُوا۟ بِحَبْلِ ٱللَّـهِ جَمِيعًا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُوا۟[Qur'an AleImran 3:103]
And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided...
وَٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَآءُ بَعْضٍ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّـهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّـهُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ ﴿٧١[Qur'an At-Tawba 9:71]
The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (71)
إِنَّمَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا۟ بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّـهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ ﴿١٠[Qur'an Al-Hujurat 49:10]
The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy. (10)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
The right of a Muslim upon a Muslim are six' It was asked what are they? He replied, "When you meet him, salute him; when he calls you, respond to him; when he seeks advice, give him advice; when he sneezes and praises Allah, respond to him; when he falls ill, visit him; when he dies, follow him (the funeral bier).[Muslim]
You will see the believers in their mutual kindness, love and sympathy just like one body. When a limb complains, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.[Bukhari and Muslim]
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
You shall not enter Paradise until you believe; and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not guide you to a thing? Which when done , will make you love one another: Spread the greeting of Salam among you.[Muslim]
The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: A Muslim is a brother to a Muslim: Neither he wrongs him, nor hands him over (to another). And whoso comes in need of his brother, Allah comes in his need; and whoso removes a calamity of a Muslim, Allah will remove a calamity from the calamities of the Resurrection Day, and whoso conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his sins on the Resurrection Day'. (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: Two friends are like two hands, one of which washes the other. Friendship is completed when one of them keeps the other, as if they are one and the same and they share the enjoyments of each other.
A wise man said, when a man does four works in the house of his friend his friendship becomes perfect: 1) when he eats with him, 2) when he does necessary works with him, 3) when he prays with him, 4) and when he sleeps over.
Among the characteristics of good friendship are as follows:
• They leave each other’s company with a higher level of faith (in Allah).
• They always meet each other or start talk with the Islamic greeting ‘Assalamu Alaykum’ with reciprocal response.
• They exchange useful and mature ideas and thoughts.
• They do not shun in reforming each other’s mistakes or bad habits, but do this with politeness and humility.
• The do not waste each other’s time in vain talk or useless activities.
• They never encourage each other to do wrong and invite to a place or gathering of sin.
• They stand firm on each other’s side when needed – ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed.’
Be true to your friends.
Accord your friend with good treatment in words and deeds. Tell such words which your friend loves, Use words of love and share his sorrows and happiness. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: When one of you love his brother, he should inform him of his love. It increases love. If he knows that you love him, he will surely love you. When you come to know that he also loves you, your love for him will increase. Love will increase from both sides. The existence of love among the believers is the object of Shari'a and religion.
Forgive the faults of your friend. If he commit sin and continues, advise him with tender and sweet words. Don't backbite your friend as Allah likened backbiting to eating the flesh of a dead brother. Do not disclose any secret talk which your friends tell you, even to their close friends.
Help a friend before asking in times of need. Don't ask anything from a friend his wealth and properties. Don't hope to benefit from his name and fame. Aisha, Allah be pleased with her, said: A believer is brother to another believer. He does not seek advantage over him and does not inflict trouble on him. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: I and the God fearing men of my followers are free from inflicting troubles.
Keep friendship lasting till the death of friend and to keep it even after his death with his wife, children, relatives and friends and to take care of them, and to fulfill the duties of friendship selflessly for the sake of Allah.
Pray for your friend in his life time and even after his death. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: If a man prays for his friend in his absence, the angels say: Similar prayer is for you.
May Allah grant us excellent companions in this world and the Hereafter. May Allah give us shade on the Day when there is no shade except under His Throne. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakum Allahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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