In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Are you a good mind-reader? Are you an expert at creating meaning from what others do and say without checking? It is really easy to make assumptions because we assume that other people think like us and would do what we naturally think is logical. Unfortunately this isn’t the way the world works.
We make assumptions because we mistakenly assume that what is important to us, our values, and what we believe is the same for other people, when it’s not. No one, not even identical twins have had exactly the same experiences, lives, problems and so it is impossible for us to completely know why someone is how they are or does what they do.
Our values and beliefs shape how we see the world and how we screen information. Values are the things that are important to us e.g. honesty, loyalty, success, belonging etc and beliefs. Both values and beliefs shape our view of the world, our attitudes and our behaviors. Because we can’t see inside people’s heads and only hear what they share with us, we get ourselves into all sorts of pickles by making assumptions, filtering information through the filters of our own unique values and beliefs.
It is so too easy to create meaning out of nothing especially with fear and insecurity a normal part of being human. We can tie ourselves in all sorts of knots with this. It's not surprising that assumptions that coalesce around fear are deepest. Before many people were afraid of Russians, now many people are afraid of Muslims. What exactly you fear is determined by the group you happen to be in.
Sometimes when people made a mistake, we judge them based on that mistake for their whole life. Similarly, when someone said one thing wrong or controversial or something we may not agree with, invariably we dismissed their entire contribution in life. This is not fair and it is wrong. We are humans and they are humans too and everybody make mistakes. We cannot assume people are evil or have some sort of an evil intent towards somebody when they say or do something unless we have clear and concrete proof. We are supposed to give people the benefit of the doubt.
We cannot survive in society if we don't have good assumption of people. How can we purge ourselves of the tendency to make bad assumptions? Start with humility.
We have to go out of our way to avoid making assumptions or passing judgments against people because it is very easy to do that. It is like something that is so close to you, staring at you, and you cannot avoid it unless you really make an effort to avoid it. Interestingly, when Allah talks about the worshiping of idols, He simply tells us to stay away from worshiping idols, but when He talks about making assumptions against other people, Allah commands us to avoid it much, which indicates that this is the one thing that we will be hit all the time.
Allah Almighty says,
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ ﴿١٢[Qur'an, Al-Hujurat 49:12]
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful. (12)
When you catch yourself making assumptions, do this:
Say, "Stop it!" Every time you catch yourself thinking you know what someone else is thinking, tell yourself to stop.
Think positively. Think of how you may be misreading the situation. Try to see other sides of the story rather than focusing on what you "think" you know.
Realize that not everyone thinks as you do. What you think may be quite different from reality. Seek out the facts before you react.
Ask yourself, "Am I jumping to conclusions?" You may not have all the information you need to make a decision. Do you react to information you've received from others rather than the person you're in conflict with?
Ask for the truth. Go directly to the person and ask what's going on. What's the worst thing that will happen?
If in doubt, ask and double check. Don't get lazy or complacent and make assumptive short cuts just because you think you know someone well.
Not every assumptions (Dhann) are bad. Some assumptions are good. Having favorable thoughts about every Muslim is good and it is rewardable. However, one should take precautionary measures when dealing in suspicious case. For example, one should not hand over one's possessions to anyone without strong reliance of getting it back. It does not mean that you should regard anyone as a thief or run him down.
One thing we never want to do is distrusting Allah or suspecting His trust. For instance, it is not permitted to think ill of Allah in that He will punish him or keep him in calamity all the time without forgiving him or showing mercy to him, thus despairing of His grace.
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said: "None of you should die without having favorable thoughts about Allah."
In a hadith qudsi, Allah Almighty says: "I treat my servants the way they think about me."
This shows that holding favorable thoughts about Allah is compulsory and thinking ill of Him is prohibited.
Likewise, it is prohibited to entertain suspicion without rational grounds about Muslims whose outer conditions show that they are good and noble.
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said: "Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false talks...".
May Allah guide us and remove our blameworthy traits. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
Allah alone give success.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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