In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
It would be unbearable if we were to concern ourselves about whether or not we have fulfilled the rights of others especially the rights of our parents.
In the Day of Judgment, people will flee from their families.
Allah Almighty says,
يَوْمَ يَفِرُّ ٱلْمَرْءُ مِنْ أَخِيهِ ﴿٣٤﴾ وَأُمِّهِۦ وَأَبِيهِ ﴿٣٥﴾ وَصَـٰحِبَتِهِۦ وَبَنِيهِ ﴿٣٦[Qur'an Abasa 80:34-36]
"On the Day a man will flee from his brother (34) And his mother and his father (35) And his wife and his children, (36)..."
Why? Because they have not fulfilled the rights of others in this life and so those people who are owed their rights will be coming after them for their rights. This does not apply to those who have fulfilled the rights of others, they won't need to run away from people in the Day of Judgment, but how many people can say "I have fulfilled the rights of others over me?" If we come to this realization that we have not fulfilled the rights of others and how hard and severe the reckoning would be in the Day of Judgment, we will be grief-stricken to a point that we will lose our composure because of it.
It is a given that parents have a great right over their children. But it does not remove the right of children over their parents. Among the few rights of children is the right to an Islamic upbringing and education. Parents should teach their children Arabic and knowledge of the Qur'an, and provide them proper instruction of Islamic morals and character (adab) and about rights of people. The parents are obligated to fulfill these rights. If we are deficient in providing all these, we should not expect our children to know how to be Muslims--how to obey Allah and His Messenger, Allah bless him and grant him peace, and how to fulfill our rights.
So, we should help our children to fulfill our rights by us fulfilling their rights over us. At the same time, we should not demand our rights over them. Because it is very difficult for anyone to fulfill the rights of everyone. Imagine, if everyone in a society demand their rights--it would be a harsh and difficult society.
Just like in a marriage, even though we know a husband has certain rights over his wife and a wife has certain rights over her husband and a duty for each spouse to fulfill the rights of the other, but if the husband or the wife demand all his/her rights from the other, it would be a very difficult marriage and it would be very difficult for him/her to be in a good standing with Allah. He/she will constantly be in a state of sin and cause him/her to be in a bad position with Allah. This could not be what they wished for the other when they first got married and fell in love. In marriage, the spouses are supposed to help each other to attain closeness to Allah, not to for the other to gain sins and drive each other further away from Allah.
With parents too, it is natural to love our children and strive to give them an easy life. If they have rights owed to us, in the Day of Judgment it is not going to be easy for them with the sins on their record. So, it is appropriate for us to forego our rights over them so we make their lives easy in this life and the next.
Allah Almighty says,
وَتَعَاوَنُوا۟ عَلَى ٱلْبِرِّ وَٱلتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ وَلَا تَعَاوَنُوا۟ عَلَى ٱلْإِثْمِ وَٱلْعُدْوَٰنِ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّـهَ ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ شَدِيدُ ٱلْعِقَابِ ﴿٢ ،،،،[Al-Maida 5:2]
،،،Help one another to piety and godfearing; do not help each other to sin and enmity. And fear God; surely God is terrible in retribution. (2)
One of the people of knowledge once said, "I have a son who I didn't for 30 years give him and order out of fear that he cannot fulfill it."
This is the state of the righteous--they recognize they have rights over other people and they want to help them in reaching righteousness and taqwa.
In addition to give up our rights over our children, we should pardon them for their bad actions as part of helping them from having to deal with a sin on their record, which translate to a difficult life in this life and the next. However, if a child is doing a lot bad and if forgiving him we fear that he is going to do the bad action again and again or will increase him in doing bad, the better thing is to demand your right so as to help him leave the bad action. Forgiveness is for the one who is remorseful. If you forgive someone who is consistently doing haram action, you are going to aid him to doing the haram.
If we help our children to fulfill our rights, we can hope to gain the mercy of Allah.
May Allah have mercy on us and our families, and help us fulfill the rights of our parents, our children and all those who have rights over us. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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