In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Allah has given a grand status to the parents. He explicitly orders us to be good to our parents in countless verses of the Qur'an, and they are many hadith and hadith literature about being good and kind to one's parents. This should be enough for children to realize the station of their parents and motivate them to take care of their rights, and that this is a grand matter.
Allah Almighty says,
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّـهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا ﴿٣٦[An-Nisa 4:36]
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful. (36)
Allah has emphasized the admonition of taking care of one's parents. He conjoins the order to be good towards parents and the order to the belief in the Oneness of Allah. This is to show the importance of being good to one's parents. Whoever obeys Allah but is bad to his parents, his act of obedience to Allah will not be accepted. They both have to be done.
Even if the parents are not Muslims, they deserve our kind and good treatment, although they should not be obeyed in acts that go against the commands of Allah. If they are struggling to take us away from Islam, don't obey them but befriend them in a nice manner.
If Allah orders us to be good and take care of our parents when they are struggling to take us away from Islam, how then should we treat our parents who are not struggling to take you away from Islam? How then should we treat our parents who are Muslims? How then should we treat our parents who are righteous Muslims? What do you think the order be to a person whose parents are struggling to bring them close to Allah--waking them up for Fajr, reminding them to dress modestly (put their hijab, etc.), sending them to study Islam/Qur'an, etc.? But you find many children with parents are struggling to bring them close to Allah disrespecting and disobeying their parents. Indeed this is the most disgusting thing a person can do.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are pleased with him, he comes into the morning with two doors of Paradise open to him. Whoever goes into the evening and both parents are pleased with him, he goes into the evening with two doors of Paradise open for him. And if he has just one parent, then one door of Paradise is open to him. Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are angry with him, he comes into the morning with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. Whoever goes into the evening with both parents are angry with him, he goes into the evening with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. And if he has just one parent, then one door is open for him." After realizing this huge position of parents that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was telling the companions about, one of the Companions asked, "Even if the parents were oppressive to them?" The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied, "Even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child.
Imagine a child who passes away in the state his parents being pleased with them, he has 2 doors of Paradise he could choose to enter from, and imagine a child who died in the state of his parents being are angry with him, he is doomed.
One of the scholars was seen weeping at the death of his mother, and when asked why he wept, he said, "Why shouldn't I cry when one of the doors of Paradise has left me." His mother, while she was alive allows a door of Paradise opens for him and once she passed away, it's over.
This is a important reminder for us that while our parents are still alive, it is important to do as much as we can for them because once they are gone, there is no going back. The nature of this world is that time passes very quickly and there is always a lot to do, and you think once you have some time, you would go and spend time with your mother, but she dies before you could do that, and it's over. Then the child has to spend the rest of his/her live, feeling remorse over the time he/she didn't spend the time with the parent.
For those who have at least one of your parents living, take lessons from those around you who did not have the chance to do all the good that they could do for their parents while their parents were alive. Put your parents in the forefront before your career, traveling for leisure, before friends, before amassing wealth. Make a point to ask them if they are pleased with you. So, if they are not, you have time to remedy it. For those who have lost their parents, make du'a for them day and night and give charity on their behalf.
Even if your parents are not nice to you, even if they abuse you, it is not a condition that they be nice to you before you are nice to them. You still be good to them, and if you fear harm for yourself, then you do that from a distance.
All of us will go through many tests in this life to measure our worth with Allah. Some are tested with bad parents, some with bad spouses, some with bad neighbors, some with bad children, some with bad in-laws, some with all of the above. We are tests to each other. This is our jihad in this life and it will end with our defeat or victory. We can attain victory only if we act and react in accordance to the teachings of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace.
The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “One who has been disowned by his parents is told: ‘Act as you please, for I shall not forgive you.’ Whereas one who is good towards his parents is told, ‘Act as you please. I will be forgiving towards you.’”
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣(23)[Al-Isra 17:23]
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
Some scholars said being good to our parents means to accompany them in a good manner and never to wait for them to ask you for what they need.
May Allah give us well-being in this life and the next. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
related archive: Be Good to Your Parents
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