Be Good To Your Parents

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Allah conjoined the command to be good to parents with the command to worship Him alone. Good treatment of parents is of the most virtuous acts of worship.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنًا‌ۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡڪِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ۬ وَلَا تَنۡہَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلاً۬ ڪَرِيمً۬ا (٢٣) وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرً۬ا (٢٤

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young."

(Qur’an Al-Isra' 17:23-24)

قُلۡ تَعَالَوۡاْ أَتۡلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّڪُمۡ عَلَيۡڪُمۡ‌ۖ أَلَّا تُشۡرِكُواْ بِهِۦ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا‌ۖ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنً۬ا‌ۖ

“Say, “Come! I will recite on to you what your Lord has forbidden for you; that
you should not ascribe partners to Him, and be good to your parents..."

(Qur’an Al-Anaam 6:151)


وَٱعۡبُدُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشۡرِكُواْ بِهِۦ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا‌ۖ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنً۬ا

“Worship Allah and ascribe not partners to him, and be good to your parents...”

(Qur’an An-Nisa' 4:36)

وَإِذۡ أَخَذۡنَا مِيثَـٰقَ بَنِىٓ إِسۡرَٲٓءِيلَ لَا تَعۡبُدُونَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهَ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَانً۬ا

“When We took the covenant with the children of Israel: you will not worship
except Allah, and be good to your parents...”

(Qur’an Al-Baqarah 2:83)

وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٲلِدَيۡهِ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُ ۥ وَهۡنًا عَلَىٰ وَهۡنٍ۬ وَفِصَـٰلُهُ ۥ فِى عَامَيۡنِ أَنِ ٱشۡڪُرۡ لِى وَلِوَٲلِدَيۡكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلۡمَصِيرُ

“We have enjoined on the human being concerning his two parents – his mother
bore him, weakness upon weakness, and his weaning was in two years - Be
grateful to Me and your parents; to Me is the return.”

(Qur’an Luqman 31:14)

"A man came to the Prophet of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace,
and said, 'I give you my oath of allegiance that I will emigrate and perform jihad,
seeking a reward from Allah Almighty.' He asked, 'Are either of your parents
living?' He replied, 'Yes, both of them.' He said, 'Do you desire a reward from
Allah Almighty?' He replied, 'Yes.' He said, 'Go back to your parents and keep
good company with them.'” (Muslim)

"A man came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said,
'Messenger of Allah, which person is the most entitled to the best of my
company?' He replied, 'Your mother.' He said, 'Then whom?' He replied, 'Your
mother.' He said, 'Then whom?' He replied, 'Your mother. He said, 'Then whom?'
He answered, 'Your father.'" (Bukhari and Muslim)

Good treatment of parents includes:

(1) Praying for them regularly.
It is reported that Sufyan ibn ‘Uyayna said, “Whoever prays the five prayers has
thanked Allah, and whoever prays for his parents at the end of the prayer has
thanked his parents.”

(2) To speak to them in a kind, gentle manner to win their love.
It is reported that Ibn Abbas said, “Be with your parents like a sinful, humiliated,
weak slave before a harsh, tough master.”

(3) To serve them so long as they are alive, hoping to win their pleasure.

(4) To not present them with anything that they dislike.

(5) To not raise one’s voice above theirs or speak to them in a loud voice.

(6) To obey them in permissible matters, for the pleasure of Allah is in their pleasure, and His anger is in their anger.

(7) To spend of one’s wealth on them.

(8) To gaze at them with love, compassion and mercy; to not look at them angrily.

(9) To venerate them and be humbled before them.

It is reported that a man came to Abu Ishaq and said, “I saw you last night in a
dream, and your beard was studded with jewels and diamonds.” He said, “You
speak the truth, for yesterday I wiped my beard under the feet of my mother
before I went to sleep.”

(10) To serve them with one’s own hands, and not to hand them over to someone else.

(11) To not lead one’s father in prayer, even if one is more learned.

(12) To not refuse to serve them even if they are idolaters.

(13) To not walk in front of them unless it is to remove something harmful or offensive.

(14) To not assume the head of a gathering in their presence.

(15) To not call them by name, but rather to say, “O Mother,” and “O Father.”

(16) To not curse the parents of another person, causing him to curse one’s own parents.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, from the greatest
of enormities is that a man should curse his parents.” It was said, “O Messenger
of Allah, how does a man curse his parents?” He replied, “A man insults the
father of another man, so he insults his father and insults his mother.”

(17) To not put oneself before them in anything, whether in food, drink, sitting or speech.

(18) To treat their friends and relatives well.

(19) To observe their rights after death. This includes;
a. To attend their funeral prayer
b. To pray for their forgiveness if they died believers
c. To give charity on their behalf
d. To care for their relatives
e. To visit their grave regularly
f. To intend all of one’s good deeds as a gift to them.

It is reported of Rabi’ ibn Hai’am that if he saw a rock in the middle of the road, he would throw it away to the right, intending it on behalf of his father, and throw another to the left, intending it on behalf of his mother, and he would restrain his anger, intending it as an act of righteousness on their behalf.

(20) To stop the one satirizing them, even if by paying him money.

(21) To perceive one’s complete shortcoming, in giving them their due.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, "No child can repay his
father unless he finds him enslaved and then buys him and sets him free."

Abdullah Ibn 'Umar, Allah be pleased with father and son, saw a Yemeni man performing Tawaf (circumambulating the Ka'bah) while carrying his mother on his back. This man said to Abdullah Ibn 'Umar, "I am like a tame camel for her! I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn 'Umar?" Abdullah Ibn 'Umar replied, "No, not even one contraction!"

(22) To not leave for jihad except with their permission. If one is traveling for trade, sacred knowledge or hajj, and the road is safe, and the parents have what they need to support themselves, and are able to take care of themselves without one’s service, then one is able to go, even if they are not pleased by that.

May Allah bestow His mercy on our parents. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam