If Marriage Doesn't Work

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Some people have the attitude, "If the marriage doesn't work, then divorce," because it's easier to say the D or T or ط word than to put in the time and effort to make the marriage work. The reasons for divorce often point to the selfish attitude of one or more people in the relationship. Commitment to the marriage requires some work and compromise.

People who give up on marriage, before the final straw, they concentrate on changing something else in their lives, like concentrating on work or a new hobby. Having something else to concentrate their energy on creates this temporary happiness and a way to escape the troubles at home. This is not the way of a true Muslim.

We must realize that we cannot make any meaningful change relying on our own resources. "Nothing you seek through your Lord will ever be difficult; and nothing you seek through yourself will ever be easy." (Ibn Ata'illa)

If good times didn't move you to Allah, difficult times should make you run to Allah, and this is the time when you throw yourself to Him completely. If we don't live for the Lord, relying on Him and trusting in His wisdom, we won't be able to go through this life smiling because more often than not we will encounter rough and selfish people than merciful and compassionate and generous people. Some people scream and yell at you, some are rude to you, some take you for granted, some take advantage of you, some manipulate you, some cheat you, some lie to you, some do all kinds of bad and hurtful things to you, and on and on. Who can live with these kinds of people!? When we live for the Lord, it becomes easy to live with people with bad character traits. You see Allah's hands in it. If we see this, how can we go crazy or search for human outlets to solve our problems?

Look at it this way, journey to life will end sooner than anyone would expect. These days will be over and we shouldn't try to act like it is going to last forever. In peace or in war, try to get a few more good deeds in our books before the angel of death comes and take our soul to where it belongs.

Realize that your spouse is, first of all, another Muslim. He or she is your brother/sister in Islam. All rights that fall upon a Muslim to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to your spouse.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Your spouse has even more rights upon you due to the great and important contract of the marriage.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his family (wife) and I am the best of you to my family." He, Allah bless him and grant him peace, also said: "The best among you are those who have the best manners and character." Show your best manners and treatment to your spouse first!

In our personal relationship, if we embody the spirit of mutual love, mercy and affection, encouraged by the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, we will be able to live together in harmony.

May Allah hold us by the hand. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam