Choosing The Right Spouse

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

It is our responsibility to bring up our children in the best possible way, providing an environment in which they can grow learning about the Creator, Mighty and Majestic, and responsibilities in life. The best environment possible for a child is having a family who follow the guidance of Islam. He will have his father and mother who live by Islam as examples in his life.

Maybe for some of us who are in a solo parent household, this is a little bit too late, but we might be able to save the next generation of Muslim families by teaching our children the importance of choosing the right spouse and the right mother/father for their children (our grandchildren).

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, guided Muslims to many characteristics that are important in a spouse and alluded to which of them that are more important characteristics.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A woman is married because of her righteousness, wealth or beauty. So go for the one who is religious and may your hands be filled with dust." (Muslim)

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "A woman is married for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religion. So choose the religious one or you will lose." (Bukhari)

It is a great blessing of having a pious wife.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "All of the world are but 'articles or commodities.' And the best of all 'objects of benefits' of this world is a pious wife." (Muslim)

"A thankful heart, a tongue that mentions (Allah) and a pious wife to help you in the affairs of your world and your religion are better than what the people are treasuring." (al-Baihaqi)

"Four aspects are (sources) of happiness: a pious wife, a spacious home, a pious neighbor and a means of transportation that is fast and pleasing. And four are (sources) of unhappiness: an evil wife, an evil neighbor, an evil means of transportation and cramped housing." (al-Baihaqi)

Religiousness is not simply the outward appearance. It is faith (Iman) in the heart demonstrated by actions.

"Verily Allah does not look at your bodies nor to your forms; but rather He looks at your hearts." (Muslim)

Actions have a two-way connection with the heart. The actions are where the heart expresses itself.

How many women, for example, may wear hijab and seem very pious but have bad character, backbite, gossip, spendthrift and wasteful (with their time and resources), that your son has to contend with if he marries a woman on the basis of her dress. Likewise, some men may have beards and "dress according to the sunnah" and go to the masjid, while their understanding of Islam is completely distorted and have bad character--anger issues, stingy, arrogant, self centered, etc. It would be a huge trial for your daughter to have such a husband.

Character is extremely important in Islam.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:

"I was sent to perfect noble character." (Ahmad)

"The best among you are those who have the best manners and character." (Bukhari)

"The believers with the most complete Iman are the ones with the best behavior." (Ahmad, Abu Dawood)

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, described piety itself as being of good character. "Piety and righteousness is being of good character." (Muslim).

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or ward), then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth and a great deal of evil." (Tirmidhi)

'Umar, Allah be pleased with him, once told someone, who had testified to the goodness of a person by the fact that he had seen him in the masjid, that he does not know someone else as long as he had not dealings with him that involved money and wealth or had lived next to him or had had to travel with him.

We will not be able to completely know if a person is truly religious in the heart, but we must perform due diligence until we feel fairly certain that this person is a religious person.

May Allah grant our children righteous spouses and righteous offspring. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.

Related archive: Taking For Granted

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam