In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Allah has commanded us to be good to our parents in countless verses of the Qur'an and they are many hadith and hadith literature that talk about being good to one's parents.
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣[Qur'an Al-Isra 17:23]
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
(23)
After enjoining upon us the duty of excellence in rendering kindness towards our parents, Allah orders us to pray for our parents,
رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا[Qur’an al-Isra' 17: 24]
My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.
One should show all types of kindness to one’s parents. Some scholars said being good to parents means to accompany them in a good manner and never wait for them to ask you for what they need. One should avoid doing anything that can cause one's parents to be angry or disown one.
Being good to one's parents is not conditional upon them being good to one or them being Muslims.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are pleased with him, he comes into the morning with two doors of Paradise open to him. Whoever goes into the evening and both parents are pleased with him, he goes into the evening with two doors of Paradise open for him. And if he has just one parent, then one door of Paradise is open to him. Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are angry with him, he comes into the morning with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. Whoever goes into the evening with both parents are angry with him, he goes into the evening with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. And if he has just one parent, then one door is open for him." After realizing this huge position of parents that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was telling the companions about, one of the Companions asked, "Even if the parents were oppressive to them?" The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied, "Even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child.
One of the scholars was seen weeping at the death of his mother, and when asked why he wept, he said, "Why shouldn't I cry when one of the doors of Paradise has left me." His mother, while she was alive allows a door of Paradise opens for him and once she passed away, it's over.
The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
“One who has been disowned by his parents is told: ‘Act as you please, for I shall not forgive you.’ Whereas one who is good towards his parents is told, ‘Act as you please. I will be forgiving towards you.’”
Narrated Anas ibn Malik, that Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, says,
Whoever has pleased his parents, he has pleased Allah and whoever has angered his parents, he has angered Allah.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, say,
Allah will not accept the prayers of the person whose parents are angry with him and their parents are not oppressors.
Because of severity of disrespecting or mistreatment of parents, it is quick to be punished and that punishment will come in this life, and one can expect punishment in the next life.
Children should always seek forgiveness from their parents and don't wait till Eid or before going away for a long journey or before leaving for hajj or umrah.
Dutifulness to our parents do not cease with their death. It continues as long as we live.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, is reported to have said,
"When a son of Adam passes away, he is cut off from his deeds except for three things: a current or perpetual charity, good knowledge that benefits someone, and a righteous/pious child who makes du'a (supplication) for him.
One can show kindness and do acts expressing dutifulness to his parents after their death by making du'a for them. Prayers for forgiveness offered by the deceased children bring great benefits to the deceased. Strive to pray for them as much as possible--ask for forgiveness, mercy, Paradise and salvation from the Fire for them, and make other good and beautiful du'a' (supplications) for them. One of the best way to remember to make the du'a is to do it during (especially during prostration when we have our foreheads on the ground in humility) or after each obligatory prayer.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
“A man’s status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, ‘How did I get here?’ He will be told, ‘By your son’s du'a’s (prayers) for forgiveness for you.”[Ibn Majah]
Most scholars are of the opinion that children may do all kinds of charitable or good deeds on behalf of their deceased parents, with the intention of sending their rewards to them. Allah, out of His sheer mercy, will convey rewards to them. Many scholars include reading of the Qur’an in this category of permissible good works that one may do on behalf of one’s deceased parents or relatives.
Sayyida Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, reported that a man said to the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, “My mother has passed away, and if she could have spoken, she would have given something in charity. Will she receive a reward if I give something on her behalf?" He said, “Yes.” [Bukhari]
A man approached the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, asking, “Is there anything I must do in terms of kindness towards my parents after their death?” The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied, “Yes, there are four things for you to do: Praying and asking forgiveness of Allah on their behalf, fulfilling their promises, respecting their friends, and fostering their ties of kinship..." [Bukhari al-Adab al-Mufrad]
There are also several hadiths reported on the authority of Ibn 'Abbas and others to the effect that a Muslim child can do several acts of righteousness as well as religious obligations (such as hajj, fasting, zakat, kaffarah, vows, paying off debts, etc.) on behalf of his deceased parents as a form of showing kindness to them after their death.
‘Abdullah ibn Buraydah reported that his father, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “While I was sitting with the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, a woman came to him and said: ‘I gave my mother a slave-woman in charity, and now my mother has died.’ He said: ‘You have got your reward, and your right of inheritance has brought your gift back to you.’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, she still had one month to fast – can I fast it on her behalf?’ He said, ‘Fast it on her behalf.’ She said, ‘She never went to Hajj – can I perform Hajj on her behalf?’ He said, ‘Perform Hajj on her behalf.’” [Muslim]
Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) reported that a woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “My mother made a vow to perform Hajj but she died before she could do it. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?" He said, “Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. Don’t you think that if your mother owed a debt you would pay it off?” She said, "Yes." He said, “Then pay off what is owed to Allah, for Allah is more deserving of having vows fulfilled.” [Bukhari]
Another thing that may benefit the deceased is if his relative devotes a share to him of a sacrifice he offers. When the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, offered a sacrifice, he said: “In the name of Allah, O Allah, on behalf of Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.” [Muslim] The family of Muhammad included both the living and the dead.”
It is highly recommended for us to visit the graves of our parents. Such visits serve as excellent reminders for us besides prompting us to remember and pray for our parents. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “In the past, I had forbidden you from visiting graves, but now you should do so, for it might remind you of the next world.”
May Allah have mercy on our parents and grant them the highest Paradise without reckoning, and help us to be dutiful to our parents till we meet Him. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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