Monday, July 27, 2020

First 10 Days of Dhul-Hijjah -- Good Manners With Parents

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

We can't repay our parents for what they have done for us but we can show good manners towards them.

Sa'id ibn Abi Burda said, "I heard my father say that Ibn 'Umar saw a Yamani man going around the House while carrying his mother on his back, saying, 'I am your humble camel. If her mount is frightened, I am not frightened.' Then he asked, 'Ibn 'Umar? Do you think that I have repaid her?' He replied, 'No, not even for a single groan.'

During Isra' and Mi'raj, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam saw a beautiful palace in Jannah. It was so beautiful that he wanted it for himself. He was told that the palace belongs to Haritha ibn Nu'man and that he was given the palace because he was good to his mother.

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam told Omar and Ali radhiallahu anhuma, about Uways Al Qarni of Yemen whom he never met. He told them if they find him, to ask him to ask Allah for their forgiveness. Uways reached this status with Allah because he was good to his mother.

Allah always pairs the rights of Himself with the rights of parents in multiple verses in the Quran. Whenever we come across verses or traditions about parents, we find that they all are based on dutifulness and benevolence. Even in the previous nations, the same ruling were given.

Allah commands us to treat our parents with ihsaan (excellence). Ihsaan means you give more right than it is due and you accept back less than the rights that are due to you. How we deal with them, how we talk with them, how we think of them, how we respond to them, what we want for them, keeping ties with them, all must be with ihsaan. We must always try to better our relationship with them, always try to make life easy for them, always try to give what they want and help them in the best of ways.

Parents are the biggest doors to Paradise while they are still alive. When one of them passed away, one door is closed. When both passed away, two doors are closed. A Companion was seen weeping after the death of his father and while being consoled, he said "I am crying because one door to Paradise is now closed for me."

Those of you who have parents that are still here, take advantage of this time. There is nothing more pleasing to Allah after your five daily prayers, than your ihsaan towards your parents. Be a part of their lives, show love to them, speak to them using honorable speech, address them gently and politely, call them up on a regular basis, visit them everyday if you live close to them (and try to live close to them). Do not trivialize the joy your parents will have when you call them or visit them. Perhaps there will come a time when you cannot call and visit them anymore. Consult them in your affairs, not do whatever you like, nor travel except after taking their permission, even if you don't depend on them anymore, don't argue with them, don't lie to them, don't make them angry. Nothing troubles parents more than being disobeyed and ignored by their children.

Even if your parents have passed away, there are still much you can do for them. This can be done by asking Allah's forgiveness and mercy for them, by giving charity on their behalf, visiting relatives they used to visit and keeping ties with their close friends and relatives (this will bring back good memories and the sweetnes of those days when they were still alive), being kind to their siblings especially their womenfolk, fulfilling the vows they made before their death, fulfilling any requests they had, giving sacrifice on their behalf, doing hajj or umrah on their behalf, reading Quran and gifting the reward to them, speak about them in good light.

These and similar good deeds please parents after their death, since they alleviate their sins and increase their good deeds. It was narrated: “The parents of a servant of Allah or one of them may die while he was unkind to them, but will later be regarded as a good son by Allah. This is because of his frequent supplication to Allah for them and his asking Allah's forgiveness of their sins”.

Do some regular good deeds for your parents in this first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah. The least that can be done is to make du'a and istighfar for them especially during your sujuds, that is the least Allah asks us to do for our parents.

May Allah forgive our parents and shower them with His mercy, and make us righteous children to our parents. Aameen.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَ‌ٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣﴾ وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا ﴿٢٤

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, excellence (excellent treatment). Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24)

[Quran, Al-Isra’ 17:23-24]

... وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَ‌ٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا

Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and with parents, the best (excellence)..

[Quran, An-Nisa 4:36]

Allah has enjoined us to be grateful to Him and to our parents. Being grateful to Him is being grateful to your parents. Being ungrateful to your parents is being ungrateful to Allah.

وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَ‌ٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَ‌ٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14)

[Qur'an, Luqman 31:14]

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.

And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.

Wassalaam

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