بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
We all seek the good in this life and the next. We want Paradise. We definitely don't want to detour to Hell, however slight. So we ask Allah to give us good in this life and good in the next life and save us from the Hellfire. This is what every mother teaches her kids, typically.
Seeking the good is not only for our own actions but how our actions played out for others. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
So, just as we seek good for ourselves, we also seek good for others. Just as we avoid harm for ourselves, we also avoid harm for others and avoid harming others in any way.
There is immediate good and there is long term good. Some good we are aware of and some good which we are not aware of. Similarly, some harmful things which we are aware of and there are other things that that we are not aware that they are harmful to us.
Many things that we do has immediate satisfaction or apparent benefit but the long term consequence is detrimental. It is the nature of human being that they incline very often to immediate pleasures rather than the long lasting advantage.
It is part of Divine wisdom that Allah has created attraction between male and female, both physical and emotional. This attraction is for a great good, otherwise there is no preservation of humanity. It is a basis of families coming together. However, this attraction can also be a means of great harm for relationships and the entire society. It can cause much harm, worldly and spiritual harm.
Shari'ah has given guidelines for gender relationship that preserve the good and ward off the harm. One of the things we find in revelation that is the basis for societies crumbling is sexual fulfillment outside marriage. This is called zina.
Zina is prohibited and everything lead to it is also prohibited
How to avoid that it? There are certain principles we should observe in terms of looking at opposite gender and being alone with opposite gender.
Being alone, in seclusion (in an enclosed space with no third party present), with a non-mahram opposite gender (those you can potentially marry), is impermissible (haram). The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, forbade this repeatedly, and warned gravely about it,
One should exercise caution when interacting with non-mahram opposite gender. Interaction should be limited to when there is need or benefit (worldly or next-worldly) for oneself or others, and it is only to the extent of that need or benefit. When one does interact, one should uphold dignity and does so with a degree of restraint and always retains one's caution in that interaction. One should be mindful of one's motives. Don't kid yourself as to why one is interacting because attraction is not only a physical attraction but there is also an emotional aspect. Be very careful in terms of infatuation developing. And Allah is well-acquainted of what you do.
One of the most of harmful of matters in marriages is not just actual physical infidelity but also emotional infidelity.
There are some sunnahs from the Prophetic teachings which we should observe:
1. Lower the gaze
2. Clear dignified speech
3. Avoid dubious matters
Do not imagine yourself to be an angel. One of the things Allah tells us is to follow the path of those who have penitently turned to Him. Ask yourself, would such people approve of this? This is one of the benefits of having good and righteous companions.
4. Avoid extensive interaction
5. Interact in a group.
But be very careful of the dangers of extensive interaction. For example, planning an event together or meeting at public places, outwardly would seem okay but when people meet again and again and again, it can lead to harmful physical or emotional attraction.
It is permissible to have dignified physical contact with one's mahram and the elderly.
It is a general sunnah to lower the gaze for man and woman.
It is permitted for a man to look at a woman without desire but only limited to her face and hands. It is disliked to look without need, particularly among young people.
A man looking at a man is permitted except between the navel and the knees.
A man looking at his immediate female family members is permitted except between her navel and knees, her stomach and lower back. But this does mean that uncovering other parts body is proper. Rulings of Shari'ah give broad parameters. One should consider modesty and dignity and cover what is modest and dignified.
It is permitted for a woman to look at a man other than between his navel and knees, unless there is fear of fitnah or desire.
Women looking at women is the same as men looking at men. In Hanafi school, a Muslim woman can only uncover her face and hands before a non-Muslim woman.
Looking with desire is unlawful.
Shaking hands with opposite gender is impermissible. In all the four madhabs, shaking hands is not permissible contrary to minority modern 20th century opinions. It was cultural for the Arabs to shake hands with the opposite gender, especially during special occasions. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him went specifically against that. When women came to shake his hands, he said that he doesn't shake hands with women.
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with said, said, "Allah's Messenger never touched a (non-mahram) woman's hand."
Also, be careful with family hugs. It is common in some cultures to greet each other with hugs but you cannot hug non-mahram relatives of opposite gender, like your brother/sister-in-law, your cousins, your second aunts/uncles, spouses of your nieces or nephews, and you cannot let them hug you either.
There are ways to avoid these shaking hands and hugs. You have to use wisdom so as not to offend people. Good characteristics--smiles, politeness, courtesy, little gestures, kind words--go a long way. There are challenges but those who uphold in these matters, they are the agents of change, not just in oneself but also in others.
There is a hadith which states:
We should always consider the consequence of our actions both for ourselves and for others. This is the way we can balance modesty and excellence. In all that we do, we strive to be with Allah.
May Allah give us tawfiq and protect us and our families from falling into haram and everything that lead to it. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
Related Archive: Facebook Fitnah
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
We all seek the good in this life and the next. We want Paradise. We definitely don't want to detour to Hell, however slight. So we ask Allah to give us good in this life and good in the next life and save us from the Hellfire. This is what every mother teaches her kids, typically.
رَبَّنَآ ءَاتِنَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِى ٱلْءَاخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ[Qur'an 2:201]
Rabbana atina fiddunya hasanatan wa fil akhirati hasanatan wa qina azabannar
Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.
Seeking the good is not only for our own actions but how our actions played out for others. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
None of you [truly] believes until he loves for his brother that which he loves for himself.[Bukhari, Muslim]
So, just as we seek good for ourselves, we also seek good for others. Just as we avoid harm for ourselves, we also avoid harm for others and avoid harming others in any way.
There is immediate good and there is long term good. Some good we are aware of and some good which we are not aware of. Similarly, some harmful things which we are aware of and there are other things that that we are not aware that they are harmful to us.
Many things that we do has immediate satisfaction or apparent benefit but the long term consequence is detrimental. It is the nature of human being that they incline very often to immediate pleasures rather than the long lasting advantage.
It is part of Divine wisdom that Allah has created attraction between male and female, both physical and emotional. This attraction is for a great good, otherwise there is no preservation of humanity. It is a basis of families coming together. However, this attraction can also be a means of great harm for relationships and the entire society. It can cause much harm, worldly and spiritual harm.
Shari'ah has given guidelines for gender relationship that preserve the good and ward off the harm. One of the things we find in revelation that is the basis for societies crumbling is sexual fulfillment outside marriage. This is called zina.
وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةً وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًا[Qur'an Al-Isra' 17:32]
And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.
Zina is prohibited and everything lead to it is also prohibited
How to avoid that it? There are certain principles we should observe in terms of looking at opposite gender and being alone with opposite gender.
Being alone, in seclusion (in an enclosed space with no third party present), with a non-mahram opposite gender (those you can potentially marry), is impermissible (haram). The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, forbade this repeatedly, and warned gravely about it,
No man and woman are lone except that Shaytan is the third.
One should exercise caution when interacting with non-mahram opposite gender. Interaction should be limited to when there is need or benefit (worldly or next-worldly) for oneself or others, and it is only to the extent of that need or benefit. When one does interact, one should uphold dignity and does so with a degree of restraint and always retains one's caution in that interaction. One should be mindful of one's motives. Don't kid yourself as to why one is interacting because attraction is not only a physical attraction but there is also an emotional aspect. Be very careful in terms of infatuation developing. And Allah is well-acquainted of what you do.
One of the most of harmful of matters in marriages is not just actual physical infidelity but also emotional infidelity.
There are some sunnahs from the Prophetic teachings which we should observe:
1. Lower the gaze
2. Clear dignified speech
3. Avoid dubious matters
Do not imagine yourself to be an angel. One of the things Allah tells us is to follow the path of those who have penitently turned to Him. Ask yourself, would such people approve of this? This is one of the benefits of having good and righteous companions.
4. Avoid extensive interaction
5. Interact in a group.
But be very careful of the dangers of extensive interaction. For example, planning an event together or meeting at public places, outwardly would seem okay but when people meet again and again and again, it can lead to harmful physical or emotional attraction.
قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا۟ مِنْ أَبْصَـٰرِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا۟ فُرُوجَهُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرٌۢ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ[Qur'an An-Nur 24:30]
Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.
It is permissible to have dignified physical contact with one's mahram and the elderly.
It is a general sunnah to lower the gaze for man and woman.
It is permitted for a man to look at a woman without desire but only limited to her face and hands. It is disliked to look without need, particularly among young people.
A man looking at a man is permitted except between the navel and the knees.
A man looking at his immediate female family members is permitted except between her navel and knees, her stomach and lower back. But this does mean that uncovering other parts body is proper. Rulings of Shari'ah give broad parameters. One should consider modesty and dignity and cover what is modest and dignified.
It is permitted for a woman to look at a man other than between his navel and knees, unless there is fear of fitnah or desire.
Women looking at women is the same as men looking at men. In Hanafi school, a Muslim woman can only uncover her face and hands before a non-Muslim woman.
Looking with desire is unlawful.
Shaking hands with opposite gender is impermissible. In all the four madhabs, shaking hands is not permissible contrary to minority modern 20th century opinions. It was cultural for the Arabs to shake hands with the opposite gender, especially during special occasions. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him went specifically against that. When women came to shake his hands, he said that he doesn't shake hands with women.
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with said, said, "Allah's Messenger never touched a (non-mahram) woman's hand."
Also, be careful with family hugs. It is common in some cultures to greet each other with hugs but you cannot hug non-mahram relatives of opposite gender, like your brother/sister-in-law, your cousins, your second aunts/uncles, spouses of your nieces or nephews, and you cannot let them hug you either.
There are ways to avoid these shaking hands and hugs. You have to use wisdom so as not to offend people. Good characteristics--smiles, politeness, courtesy, little gestures, kind words--go a long way. There are challenges but those who uphold in these matters, they are the agents of change, not just in oneself but also in others.
There is a hadith which states:
For a person to hold fast to a rod of burning metal is better for them than to touch someone of the opposite sex that is not permitted for them to touch.
We should always consider the consequence of our actions both for ourselves and for others. This is the way we can balance modesty and excellence. In all that we do, we strive to be with Allah.
May Allah give us tawfiq and protect us and our families from falling into haram and everything that lead to it. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
Related Archive: Facebook Fitnah
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