Marriage: Yo-Yo's Playland

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Marriage is not a playground but many marriages have turned into Yo-Yo's playlands. Much of the cause of marital crisis, and crisis of Muslims in this century for that matter, is due to the decline and loss of good manners and virtues.

A good definition of a person of good manners and virtues--One who is sincerely conscious of one's responsibilities towards Allah, understands and fulfills one's obligations towards oneself and others with justice and consistently strives to improve every aspects of oneself towards perfection (ihsan).

Do we see our behavior fit into this definition? If not, we should learn and change. We want to get close to perfection in all aspects of our lives because we want to be beloved to Allah, and this includes marriage.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen. Then let him fear Allah (Taqwa) with regard to the remaining half."

Marriage is half of the religion because it tests the key quality that make you beloved to Allah--i.e. your sincerity in seeking the pleasure of Allah. Make your ultimate intention in your marriage to seek the pleasure of Allah, and give everybody their due in all circumstances and this is Islamic justice.

Deal with your spouse on the basis of good character.

Don't betray trusts but deepen the trust. This requires one being true and honest to one another, give each other the benefit of the doubt, have good opinion of each other, excuse not accuse, and not pry excessively into the affairs of the other.

Know how to communicate. Say good or remain silent. Don't say anything that would corrode trust.

Be a good listener. Your spouse should feel comfortable telling you about his/her weaknesses or failures without you getting angry or hastening to judgments against him/her. The sign that you have a good relationship with your spouse is that you are able to listen and respond in accordance to what is in the best interest of your relationship in a manner to safeguard the rights and interests of all concerned.

If you fight, fight fair. Don't disagree with anger, accusations, insults or harshness, rather control your anger and discuss. Focus on what can be corrected going forward instead of on what the other did wrong. If emotion is running high, defer the discussion until you and your spouse are in a beter emotional state.

Be a garment for one another.

Allah says,

....هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ ...

...They are garments for you and you are the same for them...

[Qur'an al-Baqarah 2:187]

Cover each other's mistakes, protect each other and do good for one another. Be proactive in fulfilling the needs of your spouse. Try not to say "wait" too many times. It does give a negative impact on the relationship.

Be a team. Do not impose your aspirations on your spouse but rather work together at arriving at a common goal.

وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا ﴿٧٤﴾ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ يُجْزَوْنَ ٱلْغُرْفَةَ بِمَا صَبَرُوا۟ وَيُلَقَّوْنَ فِيهَا تَحِيَّةً وَسَلَـٰمًا ﴿٧٥﴾ خَـٰلِدِينَ فِيهَا ۚ حَسُنَتْ مُسْتَقَرًّا وَمُقَامًا ﴿٧٦

And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." (74) Those will be awarded the Chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace. (75) Abiding eternally therein. Good is the settlement and residence. (76)

[Qur'an Al-Furqan 25:74-76]

May Allah grant us from our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam