In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
If you are concerned about your happiness and success in this life or the next or both, anything you say or do to your parents, it better be the best.
Allah emphasized several prohibitions and acts which carry grave and huge sins (shirk, killing children, shameful acts, killing unjustly, eat property of orphans, weigh or measure short, etc), across two verses in the Qur'an (Surah An'Aam 6:151-152), and within it there is a command about what you should do ... وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا (be good and dutiful to your parents)
Allah Almighty says,
[Qur'an, An'Aam 6:151-152]
قُلْ تَعَالَوْا۟ أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ ۖ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۖ وَلَا تَقْتُلُوٓا۟ أَوْلَـٰدَكُم مِّنْ إِمْلَـٰقٍ ۖ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُكُمْ وَإِيَّاهُمْ ۖ وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ ٱلْفَوَٰحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ ۖ وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا۟ ٱلنَّفْسَ ٱلَّتِى حَرَّمَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَّا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ وَصَّىٰكُم بِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ
وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ مَالَ ٱلْيَتِيمِ إِلَّا بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ أَشُدَّهُۥ ۖ وَأَوْفُوا۟ ٱلْكَيْلَ وَٱلْمِيزَانَ بِٱلْقِسْطِ ۖ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۖ وَإِذَا قُلْتُمْ فَٱعْدِلُوا۟ وَلَوْ كَانَ ذَا قُرْبَىٰ ۖ وَبِعَهْدِ ٱللَّهِ أَوْفُوا۟ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ وَصَّىٰكُم بِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ ﴿١٥٢
Say (O Muhammad SAW): "Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them; come not near to Al-Fawâhish (shameful sins, illegal sexual intercourse,) whether committed openly or secretly, and kill not anyone whom Allah has forbidden, except for a just cause (according to Islamic law). This He has commanded you that you may understand. (151)
"And come not near to the orphan's property, except to improve it, until he (or she) attains the age of full strength; and give full measure and full weight with justice. We burden not any person, but that which he can bear. And whenever you give your word (i.e. judge between men or give evidence), say the truth even if a near relative is concerned, and fulfill the Covenant of Allah, This He commands you, that you may remember.(152)
Why did Allah put this command to be good and dutiful treatment to parents in the verse concerning prohibitions and sinful acts?
The purpose at this place is to tell us not to be disobedient to parents and not to cause pain to them. But it is in a way of wisdom that the prohibition has been sublimated as 'be good and dutiful treatment to parents.' The aim is to point out that, in the matter of parents, it is not enough that one does not disobey parents or does not cause any pain to them, but it is one's duty to keep them pleased with decent, generous and obliging treatment.
This has been made more explicit in another verse of the Qur'an,
وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا ﴿٢٤[Qur'an, Al-Isra 17:24]
And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24)
This is an eloquently figurative mode of describing the attitude of love, reverence, readiness and availability to help out and care for, in all sincerity, and in tenderness at its sublimest, something the Qur'an has itself put in one word, 'mercy'.
Anything fall short of giving your very best (ihsan) to your parents, will earn you sins. There is no other action in Islam that if you don't do ihsan, you will earn sins. You don't have to have ihsan in your solat (prayers) for your solat to be acceptable, you don't have to have ihsan in your fasting or hajj to be acceptable, but when it comes to parents, if you don't give them your very best, then you are in the haram.
Causing pain to parents or exposing them to physical or emotional inconveniences has been placed as the second crime after Shirk (associating partners to Allah, which take one out of Islam). This is similar to the instruction given in another verse of the Qur'an where Allah has combined the duty of being obedient to them, and being responsible to see that they are comfortable, with the obligation to worship Him alone.
Allah Almighty says,
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣[Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:23]
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23)
Then, in Surah Luqman, Allah Almighty says,
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤[Qur'an, Luqman 31:14]
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14)
It has been reported from Sayyidna 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud (may Allah be pleased with him) in the Sahihayn (the two collections of Sahih Ahadith by Al-Bukhhari and Muslim) that he asked the Prophet sallallahu alayi wassallam:'Which deed is the best?' He said: 'Offering Salah at its due time (Mustahabb: recommended time).' Then, he asked again: 'After that, which deed is the best?' To that, he said: 'Being good to parents.' Once again, he asked: 'Which deed comes after that?' He said: 'Jihad in the way of Allah.'
According to a narration by Sayyidna Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported in Sahih Muslim, once the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam said the words: 'disgraced is he' three times. The noble Companions submitted: 'Ya Rasulullah, who is disgraced?' He said: 'The person who found his father and mother, or one of them, in old age and still he did not enter the Jannah.'
It means that serving parents during their old age makes it certain that the server will be admitted to Paradise. And certainly deprived and disgraced is he who has allowed such an easy bargain of Paradise slip out of his hands. This bargain is easy because parents are naturally affectionate to their children on their own. A little consideration here and there would make them all too happy.
So, pleasing parents does not depend on or require a major act of grace. The restriction of old age placed here is because parents, when healthy and strong, take care of their needs by themselves - rather, would not hesitate to come to their assistance when needed, financially, physically or morally. At that time, neither do they need being served, nor would that service carry any distinct weight of its own. Serving parents can only be worthwhile and praiseworthy at a time when they need it because of their old age.
May Allah forgive all our sins and have mercy on our parents and make us obedient to Him and to our parents. May Allah help us to be better parents and make our children the coolness of our eyes and be the source of joy and happiness to His beloved Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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