In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Restraining anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwa) and a means to Paradise.
وَسَارِعُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتُ وَٱلْأَرْضُ أُعِدَّتْ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ ﴿١٣٣﴾ ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلْكَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلْغَيْظَ وَٱلْعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿١٣٤[Qur'an, AleImran 3:133-134]
And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous (133) Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; (134)
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَجْتَنِبُونَ كَبَـٰٓئِرَ ٱلْإِثْمِ وَٱلْفَوَٰحِشَ وَإِذَا مَا غَضِبُوا۟ هُمْ يَغْفِرُونَ ﴿٣٧[Qur'an, As-Shura 42:37]
And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive, (37)
Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytan, which can lead to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allah knows their full extent. When a person does not restrain his anger, he insults, curses, swears, hits and may even kill.
Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic and described cures for this "disease" and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:
(1) Seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytan:
Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’" [Bukhari]
(2) Keeping silent:
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: "If any of you gets angry, let him keep silent." [Ahmad]
This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr/disbelief (from which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.
There are men who were so angry at his wife so that they said, ‘Talaq, talaq, talaq’ (divorce) 10 times (3 talaq is enough to preclude him from taking back his wife without her first marrying another man and become divorced or widowed). They cannot use the excuse of "I was angry" or "I was upset" to restore the marriage. Well, nobody divorces out of happiness. You will not find someone sitting with his wife and saying, “I love you for the Sake of Allah and you are divorced!”
(3) Changing position:
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: "If any of you gets angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down."
The narrator of this hadeeth (report) is Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), "Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?" A man said, "I can," so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. [i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken]. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, "O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: . . ." and quoted the hadeeth.
According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made him angry, so he sat down.
Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-’Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Abu Dawud: "One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allah knows best."
(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace): "Do not get angry."
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man said to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), "Advise me." He said, "Do not get angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told him, "Do not get angry." [Bukhari]
According to another report, the man said: "I thought about what the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil." (Musnad Ahmad]
Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) made some important points in Fath al-Bari in his commentary on the hadeeth (narration) “Do not get angry”. He said:
“Al-Tabarani quoted the hadeeth of Sufyan ibn ‘Abd-Allah al-Thaqafi: I said, O Messenger of Allah, tell me something that will be of benefit to me, and make it brief and concise. He said, “Do not get angry, and Paradise will be yours.” It was also narrated that Abu’l-Darda said: I said, O Messenger of Allah, tell me of a deed which will earn me admission to Paradise. He said, “Do not get angry…” Al-Khattabi said: The meaning of the phrase ‘Do not get angry’ is: Avoid the things that cause anger and do not expose yourself to that which provokes it. Anger itself could not have been forbidden, because it is something natural which cannot be removed from human nature. Someone else said: What is meant is that which can be achieved by training oneself. It was said that it means: Do not do that which anger provokes you to do.
Ibn Battal said: The hadeeth indicates that striving to control oneself is more difficult than striving against the enemy, because the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) described the one who controls himself at times of anger as being the strongest of people. Someone else said: Perhaps the person who asked this question was hot-tempered; the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) used to command each person to do that which was most appropriate for him, so he summed up his advice to this person by telling him not to get angry. Ibn al-Teen said: in the words ‘Do not get angry’, the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) brought together the good of this world and of the Hereafter, because anger results in cutting off ties and withholding kindness, and it may lead to one doing harm to the person with whom one is angry, which diminishes one’s religious commitment.
One of the scholars said: Allah created anger from fire, and made it an instinct in man. When there is a dispute, the flames of anger are fanned until a person’s face and eyes become red, because the skin reflects what is underneath it. Anger produces external and internal changes, such as a change in color, trembling, uncontrolled actions and a change in appearance, such that if the angry person could see himself when he is angry, he would feel ashamed of his ugly appearance and the way his appearance has changed. All of this is what happens on the outside. The internal effects are even worse, because it generates hatred in the heart, envy (hasad) and all kinds of bad feelings. The most ugly effects of anger are the internal effects, and the external changes are the results of the internal changes. All of this has an effect on the body. The effect on the tongue is that it speaks words of slander and foul language which the wise person would feel ashamed of, and the angry person regrets them when he calms down. The effects of anger can also be seen in people’s actions, when they beat and kill others. If the angry person does not have the chance to do that, he turns his anger against himself, tearing his garments and slapping his cheeks; sometimes he may have a seizure, or fall unconscious, or break vessels, or hit someone who has not done anything wrong. Whoever thinks about these evil actions will realize just how much wisdom there is in these gentle words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), ‘Do not get angry,’ and to how great an extent they protect people’s interests by warding off this great evil which may otherwise lead who knows where.
All of this has to do with anger for the sake of worldly things, not anger for the sake of religious matters… (Anger for the sake of Allah is praiseworthy and recommended, such as anger when seeing evil actions). It helps a person not to get angry when he bears in mind what has been narrated concerning the virtues of restraining anger, and the warnings concerning the results of anger; he should also seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan (devil)… and do wudhu (ablution)… And Allah knows best.”
(5) Do not get angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh (authentic) hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7374. Ibn Hijr attributed it to al-Tabaraani, see al-Fath 4/465):
Remembering what Allah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection." [At-Tabaraani, 12/453, see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6518).
Another great reward is described in the Prophet’s words (Allah bless him and grant him peace): "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hur al-’Iyn whoever he wants." [Abu Dawud]
(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The strong man is not the one who can wrestle (fight); the strong man is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.” [Bukhari] The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: "The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger." [Ahmad]
Anas reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, "What is this?" They said: "So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody." The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, "Shall I not tell you who is even stronger than him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own shaytan and the shaytan of the one who made him angry." [al-Bazzaar]
(7) Following the Prophet’s example in the case of anger:
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: "I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allah that he had. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something." (Agreed upon. Fath al-Baari, 10/375)
Another way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) is by making our anger for the sake of Allah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) became angry when he was told about the imaam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in ‘Aisha's house; when Usamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomi woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said "Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allah?"; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allah.
Remember that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) was not a person who insulted or cursed others. Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) said that, the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) was not a person who insulted people or used obscene language, and he did not curse people. If he wanted to rebuke anyone, he would say, “What is wrong with him? – may his forehead be rubbed with dust.”
(8) Knowing that restraining anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwa):
The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allah in the Qur’an and by His Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) "spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; [Qur'an, AleImran 3:134]
These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) "... and when they are angry, they forgive, (37) [Qur'an, As-Shura 42:37]
(9) Listening to reminders:
Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him), then he said: "O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us." ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: "O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allah said to His Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’ [al-A’raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish." By Allah, ‘Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 4/304).
This is how the Muslim should be. The hypocrite was not like this when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and one of the Companions said to him, "Seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan." He said to the one who reminded him, "Do you think I am crazy? Go away!" [Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allah from failure.
(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:
The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:
‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that his father (may Allah be pleased with him) told him: "I was sitting with the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.’ . . ." [Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi]
Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.
In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allah, none of this would have happened. Going against the sharee’ah (Islamic law) only results in loss.
The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allah for good health.
(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:
If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behavior is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan and from failure.
(12) Du’a (Supplication):
Du’a is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allah to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behavior and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of kufr (disbelief) or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3039). One of the du’a’s of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) was:
"O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds."
Ameen
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
Main Reference: Islamqa.com
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