بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Fulfilling the rights of your parents with excellence is your greatest religious duty after faith and worship.
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, excellent treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. [Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:23]
Second to worship Allah and a big part of our worship is to be dutiful to our parents and treat them with excellence.
Allah did not create us except to worship Him.
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ ﴿٥٦
And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me. (56) [Qur'an, Adh-Dhariyyat 51:56]
Respecting and caring for one’s parents (birr al-walidayn) is one of the foundational aspects of human society that all major religions and cultures teach. The lessons of birr al-walidayn have been reaffirmed and clarified by the Qur’an and the teachings of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace).
We all have parents – whether they are with us or not – and many have not understood the their grand position in our lives and their right to be respected and revered.
Birr Al-Waalidayn is a characteristic of the believer (Mu’min). Al-Hasan Al Basri defined it saying, “Al-Birr is to obey the parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey Allah. "Uqooq" is to disown your parents, denying them all of your goodness.”
By the consensus of the scholars, being respectful and obedient to ones parents is obligatory (fard). Ibn Hazm said, “(Obeying ones parents) is fard” and he quoted the verse:
"And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents."
To better understand what is meant by Birr Al-Walidayn (kindness to parents), the scholars set the following conditions:
1) He should place the pleasure of his parents above the pleasure of anyone else, including himself and his wife and kids. Everyone!
2) He should obey them in everything they command or forbid, whether it agrees with his desires or not, so long as they do not command the disobedience of Allah.
3) He should present them with everything he feels they desire, whether they ask for it or not. He should present it with kindness and mercy, understanding – no matter what he does – his shortcomings in fulfilling the true kindness that his parents deserve.
The great scholar, Abu al-Faraj Ibn Al-Jawzî (d. 1201CE) explained:
To be kind to one's parents is: to obey them when they order you to do something, unless it is something which Allah has forbidden; to give priority to their orders over voluntary acts of worship; to abstain from that which they forbid you to do; to provide for them; to serve them; to approach them with gentle humility and mercy; not to raise your voice in front of them; nor to fix your glance on them; nor to call them by their names; and to be patient with them. (Ibn al-Jawzî, Birr al-Wâlidayn)
Allah’s love comes when our parents love us. And Allah’s anger comes when our parents are angry with us. Ibn Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with father and son) said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned),
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14) [Qur'an, Luqman 31:14]
Ibn Abbas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept from him.”
This sentence too describes the hardships suffered by the mother for her baby. It points out that even after suffering hardships during pregnancy and the severe labor pains, the mother does not get respite from toils, because the natural food of the infants is in her breasts, and she has to suckle them. (Shafy, Ma'âriful Qur'ân [Eng. trans.], vol. 7, pp. 795-796)
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “the Pleasure of Allah is from the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah is from the anger of the parents.”
Let us sit back and access ourselves for a moment about how we have been treating our parents. We shy away from them when they may need something. We don't visit them if we live away from them. And especially after we get married, we don't see them as significant people in our lives anymore and shoved them in the corner. Many people dispose of their parents in nursing or retirement homes. And when an argument ignites between our parents and us, many of us shout at them as if we were arguing with our evilest enemy. Many more have not spoken a word to their parents for months, maybe years. This is far from being good to our parents, let alone calling it excellent treatment, which we are commanded to do. May Allah protect us all.
May Allah guide us and our children and help us be dutiful to our parents and strengthen our relationships with our parents. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.
And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.
Wassalaam
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