In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Our adab is what sets us apart from other animals. It makes us descent human beings or civilized people. So, it is of utmost important to learn adab and strive to be people of adab.
Adab is the right way of doing something and putting things in their right places. Everything we do has an adab of doing it. This adab comes from the Prophetic examples, the one who is most praised for his character. His character is the most distinguished aspect of his outward person.
Abu Ad-Darda, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, There is nothing that weighs more heavily on the Scales (on the Day of Judgment) than good character. [Sunan Abu Dawud]
The character of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, is defined as tremendous.
وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ ﴿٤[Qur'an Al-Qalam 68:4]
And verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted (standard of) character. (4)
The Prophet's character was the Qur'an. Sa’ad, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:
Once I went to Aisha and her father, Allah be pleased with them both, and asked them about the character and conduct of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, to which Aisha, Allah be pleased with her, replied: "Don't you read the Qur'an?" I said: "Yes." She said: "The character of the Messenger of Allah is the Qur'an."
That is the adab of the Qur'an. Observe what Allah tells us in the Qur'an about praiseworthy conduct--how the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, dealt with people, with difficult people, etc. We should then learn the Qur'an properly and read the Qur'an attentively because the Qur'an details the character of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace.
The basis in terms of proper manners is gentleness with people and honoring people. Striving to uphold gentleness returns to mercy. The one who is merciful is granted mercy from Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate.
Adab has many benefits. It teaches us restraint. Restraint is a means of taqwa. Proper manners will remind you of Allah and awaken your heart to Allah. It is also an expression of excellence and beauty. Allah has decreed excellence in all things. Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. This excellence and beauty is both beloved to Allah and to people. When you act with proper manners with people, people feel safe, honored and comfortable, and it strengthens bonds between people.
Islamic manners are the most refined. They take care of the feelings of all people, even the weakest, humblest or youngest in any group or community.
One of the areas that we saw commonly happened and we need to catch ourselves doing it and correct it immediately is leaving out one person in a conversation or whispering to another person to the exclusion of another person.
It is prohibited for two people conversing to the exclusion of a third without his permission except in case of need. It is the same if two people speak in a language which he does not understand.
إِنَّمَا النَّجْوَىٰ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ لِيَحْزُنَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَلَيْسَ بِضَارِّهِمْ شَيْئًا إِلَّا بِإِذْنِ اللَّـهِ ۚ وَعَلَى اللَّـهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ ﴿١٠Qur'an Al-Mujadila 58:10]
Private conversation is only from Shaytan that he may grieve those who have believed, but he will not harm them at all except by permission of Allah. And upon Allah let the believers rely. (10) [
Ibn 'Umar reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When there are three together, two should not speak privately to the exclusion of the third." [Agreed upon]
Ibn Mas'ud reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When you are three together, two should not speak together privately apart from the other one until you come together with other people because that might upset him." [Agreed upon]
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, gave this advice on different occasions and in different wordings, so that it would be known and people will act on it. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, is concerned for the third person that is left out of the conversation between the other two. We do not have any qualification to limit this instruction to any situation, which means that whoever the third person happens to be, he or she must not be so obviously excluded.
Another version of this Hadith adds a clarification. When the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, stated this prohibition, his companions asked: “What if they are four?” He said: “That is all right.” This applies when two of the four have some private conversation. The restriction does not apply here because the other two could talk to each other. The feeling of exclusion does not apply. However, if three of them talk together and exclude the fourth, the same prohibition applies.
Abu Dawud related it and added that Abu Salih said, "I asked Ibn 'Umar, 'What about four?' He replied. 'It will not harm you.'"
Malik reported in al-Muwatta' that 'Abdullah ibn Dinar said, "'Abdullah ibn 'Umar and I were at the house of Khalid ibn 'Uqba who was away at the market. A man came who wanted to speak to 'Abdullah ibn Umar and I was the only other person present. 'Abdullah ibn Umar called another man so that we were four and said to me and the man whom he had called, 'Go a little way off together because I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "Two should not converse to the exclusion of a third."'"
So, if they are three friends, three family members, three classmates, three colleagues, or indeed any three, the restriction applies. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, mentioned the figure three because it is the least number where exclusion may occur. But it applies to any larger number of people where such exclusion takes place. When there is a group of people, they must not leave any one of them feeling excluded.
We ask Allah to make us of people of noble character and grant us tawfiq. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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