بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
All religions and cultures around the world teach that respecting parents is a fundamental lesson of good character. We have all heard about it, and know it, and believe that we follow it. But do we really? If we really did follow this fundamental tenet of being a good human being, then there would be no old folks nursing homes, and no 70 and 80-year-olds working and laboring for their survival. We won't see ungratefulness and arrogance from children to their parents, despite the gift of their very existence.
So although we all know that it is required of us to respect our parents, let us understand how important it is according to Islam, and what Allah and the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said on the subject.
Being good to parents is an obligation.
It is obligated by Allah in a unique way. In more than one place in the Quran, Allah talks about the obligation of respecting the parents right after He talks about the obligation of Tawheed.
Do not worship except Allah; and to parents do good and to relatives, orphans, and the needy. And speak to people good [words] and establish prayer and give zakah. [Quran, Al-Baqarah 2:83]
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. [Quran, An-Nisa 4:36]
Say, ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, excellent treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty;’ [Quran, An-Am 6:151]
Look at the order of the obligations mentioned in the above verses. Good treatment to parents comes right after Tawheed and before everything else.
Say Not to Them ‘Uff’
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, excellent treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.” [Quran, Al-Isra 17:23-24]
Saying ‘uff’ includes showing any kind of irritation, rudeness or anger towards them.
The one who doesn’t respect his or her parents is a Jabbar
Allah says while describing the character of Yahya (peace be upon him) that he was
وَبَرًّا بِوَالِدَيْهِ وَلَمْ يَكُن جَبَّارًا عَصِيًّا*
… dutiful to his parents, and he was not a disobedient tyrant. [Quran, Maryam 19:14]
The same thing is said in the same surah by Isa (peace be upon him) about his mother:
وَبَرًّا بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِي جَبَّارًا شَقِيًّا*
And [made me] dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant. [Quran, Maryam 19:32]
Al Jabbar is one of the beautiful names of Allah, but when applied to human beings it is a derogatory term, as if the person is trying to compete with Allah in His power. And this is the term given by Allah to the one who is not dutiful to one’s parents. If we can’t be humble towards our parents, whom we have grown up seeing everyday, how can we be humble towards Allah who is unseen? And if we’re not humble before Allah, then we are committing kibr which is an act of disbelief. That’s why Abdullah ibn Umar said, ‘The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. The anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent.’ [al Adab al Mufrad]
Consider the story of a man who killed another man in jealousy. He asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) if there is a way for him to make amends. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) asked him if his mother was alive. She wasn’t. So the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) asked him to ‘repent to Allah Almighty and try to draw near Him as much as you can.’ The man then went to Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) and asked him, ‘Why did you ask him whether his mother was alive?’ He replied, ‘I do not know of any action better for bringing a person near to Allah than dutifulness to his mother.’ [al Adab al Mufrad]
Parents are the Keys to Two Gates of Jannah
Ibn ‘Abbas said, “If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him.” He was asked, “Even if they wrong him?” “Even if they wrong him” he replied. [al Adab al Mufrad]
In the Quran there is the story of Ibrahim (peace be upon him) talking to his disbelieving father in the kindest manner, although the father was a manufacturer and worshiper of idols, and eventually kicked him out of the house for believing in Allah alone. Compare that to what our own parents have been doing for us months before we were even born, and how much importance we give to them in our lives.
May Allah grant His mercy upon our parents and help us be dutiful to our parents. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.
And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.
Wassalaam
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