Why Some Children are not Kind and Dutiful Towards Their Parents?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

These verses consistently emphasize the importance of being dutiful and kind to parents, highlighting gratitude, care, and humility towards them, especially during their old age. 

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.  [Quran, al-Isra' 17:23]

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14) But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. [Quran, Luqman 31:14-15]

And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. [Quran, Al-Ankabut 29:8]

And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims." [Quran, Al-Ahqaf 46:15]

And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them], "Do not worship except Allah; and to parents do good and to relatives, orphans, and the needy. And speak to people good [words] and establish prayer and give zakah." Then you turned away, except a few of you, and you were refusing. [Quran, Al Baqarah 2:83]

Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful. [Quran, An-Nisa 4:36]

Despite the clear Quranic guidance emphasizing kindness and respect towards parents, many children may not heed these commands due to a combination of social, psychological, cultural, and individual factors. Here are some reasons why this may happen:

1. Changing Social Values: In modern societies, individualism and personal autonomy are often highly valued. These values can sometimes conflict with the traditional expectations of family responsibilities, leading some children to prioritize their independence over caring for their parents.

2. Generational Differences: Generational gaps in perspectives, values, and experiences can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts between parents and children. Technological advancements and societal changes can create differences that make it difficult for children to relate to their parents’ worldview.

3. Lack of Religious Awareness: Many children may not have a strong understanding of or connection to their faith, resulting in a lack of awareness or appreciation of the Islamic teachings on being good to parents. This can happen if religious education is not prioritized or if the family environment does not foster a deep understanding of these values.

4. Negative Experiences: Sometimes, children may have experienced difficult or even traumatic relationships with their parents. In cases where parents have been abusive, overly controlling, or neglectful, children may find it emotionally challenging to follow these commands, despite the teachings.

5. Cultural Norms and Influences: In some cultures, emphasis on individual success, career, or lifestyle can lead to children placing their personal ambitions above their responsibilities to their parents. The influence of peer groups and media can also promote lifestyles that do not align with the concept of family care and respect for parents.

6. Miscommunication or Lack of Emotional Bond: Poor communication or lack of an emotional bond can make it hard for children to fulfill their duties towards parents. If children do not feel a close connection or understanding, they may become distant and neglect their responsibilities.

7. Economic Pressures: In some cases, economic pressures can create tension. Children who are struggling to manage their careers, finances, or their own families might feel overwhelmed, making it difficult to provide the level of support their parents need.

8. Influence of Modern Lifestyles: The fast-paced nature of modern life, along with the influence of social media and technology, can sometimes lead to children becoming more self-centered or distracted. The hustle culture often means less time is dedicated to relationships, including that with parents.

9. Lack of Positive Role Models: If children do not see positive examples of caring for parents in their environment, it may not be a priority for them. Seeing others, including extended family or friends, neglecting their responsibilities towards their parents can normalize such behavior.

10. Emotional Detachment in Upbringing: If parents did not foster a loving, nurturing environment while raising their children, the bond required for later care and kindness may be weak. Emotional detachment in upbringing can hinder the natural inclination towards showing gratitude and care.

To address these issues, a holistic approach is needed. Strengthening religious education, fostering emotional bonds from an early age, addressing generational differences with empathy, and creating a culture of respect and care for elders are all steps that can help bridge this gap. A conscious effort towards understanding the value of parents and making family responsibilities a priority can foster a more balanced approach to fulfilling these Quranic commands. 

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