Pray for your children

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

We pray for our child, not against the child, for the prayer of a parent for the child is answered.

My youngest son always make long supplications during his witr prayers and every so often he would remind me to ask Allah to answer his du'a. When I asked him what were the du'as, he wouldn't tell me. So I said, "What if the du'a is not good for you?" He said, "then you say grant the du'a if it is good for me and if it is not good for me, ask Allah to make it good for me!" So that's how I asked Allah.

Now, what does a mom do when her 16 year old wants to drive like his friends? My answer is if you feel that your child is not ready, then the child shouldn't be driving. And you stand firm on your ground. You are the parent and he is the child. We don't go by what others do, but we go by what we think is best for our children. Sometimes it may be doing something that is not normal and subject you to ridicule but you stand firm. I am definitely not a proponent of teenage driving. I did not drive until I graduated from college, got a job and could afford to buy myself a car. I live. My children knew this and they knew it would be a steep uphill battle to get me to let them drive.

When one of my sons turned the age when he could legally get his teenage driver's permit, I said NO when he asked. He tried to persuade me to let him take his driver's permit for more than a year until he finally gave up. To me, there is no need for him to drive--I can drive him anyway he needs to go.

Finally, the other day, for strategic considerations, I told him I would let him get his driver's license. So I set up an appointment for him. He was anxious to take the test but at the same time he knew even if he passed the test, I would not let him drive. As we were driving to the test facility, he voiced that sentiment, "you are not going to let me drive even if I passed the test" I responded, "with me in the car maybe, inshaAllah." He reclined his seat and went silent.

We arrived at the test location but the person did not let him take the test. The appointment was actually for his younger brother and his actual appointment was to be 2 weeks later. The person at the counter said no switching appointments! It didn't make sense to me so I was going to ask to speak to her supervisor. I looked at my son and he calmly said, "that's OK Mom, let's go." I did not expect this calm reaction from him. Well he surprised me! So we went home and I went to my computer to see if I could reschedule his actual appointment for some day sooner. I checked for a different location in another city for availability. There popped up a next day appointment available at that office. Someone must have canceled his appointment in time for me to grab it. My son was excited.

The next day as I was driving with my son to driving test location, my son asked me to make du'a for him to pass. But then he said, "you are not going to make that du'a, aren't you?" I said, I'll make that du'a you asked." And then he looked at me again, skeptical. So I made the du'a aloud. "O Allah, make my son pass his driving test if it is good for him, and if it is not good for him, make it good for him." So he smiled.

I waited for him at the location while he went for the driving test. After a while he came back and walked up to me and quite seriously said, "I knew you were not sincere with your du'a!" I said, "Come on, don't lie, you passed!" He was excited and sent text message to friends and relatives to announce that he got his driver's license. He had a dentist appointment the next day and I let him drive to the dentist (with me in the car), and let him used my debit card and filled the gas tank. He understood now the reasons for me "delaying" his driving privilege, but not being strict and old fashioned. And I have seen a big change in his attitude in just the few days after he got his driver's license. He took the initiative to do things that I normally would have to tell him repeatedly. MashaAllah.

We should be merciful and gentle with our children and amuse them with our speech. But there are times we have to be firm out of compassion for them. Children test our limits, and as parents a lot of times, we, especially the busy parents, can easily cave in. But we cannot do that. At times we can be Counsel for the Prosecution or Counsel for the Defense or the Judge or the Jury or the Executioner or the Arbitrator or the Mediator, especially if we are dealing with more than one child. You have to put on one of these hats whenever appropriate. It is exhausting and frustrating work and not all of us are set out to have a home-career in Law but you have to do it--do it with patience and forbearance. Allah entrusted them to us pure and purified on pure Islamic disposition, so they must be returned to Allah, pure and purified. Allah has given us the tools to do this---in the teachings of our Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace. Do your best to follow them and keep improving yourselves and leave the rest to Him.

May Allah bless your children and your families. Ameen.

And Allah knows best.

Wassalaam

A True Shepherd

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Narrated Abu Huraira, Allah be well pleased with him: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Allah did not send any prophet but shepherded sheep." His companions asked him, "Did you do the same?" The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied, "Yes, I used to shepherd the sheep of the people of Mecca for some Qirats." (Bukhari)

It was mentioned that the first profession of the Prophets was shepherding. Allah trained all Prophets to be leaders by having them go through this line of work--being a shepherd.

The most important lesson from shepherding that the Prophets learned is responsibility. A shepherd is accountable for his flock. A shepherd cannot go back to the owner and said, "I am sorry I lost one sheep because that sheep happened be stupid." It doesn't matter what the sheep do, you are responsible for anything that happened to the flock even if the sheep is wrong. The Prophets are going to be accountable for their people one day.

Shepherding also teaches the Prophets patience. Taking out sheep to graze requires a lot of patience. Sheep take their time, they are slow, but you have to wait. You have to be patient. They might end up fighting with each other or they might end up playing but you have to be patient. You have to wait. You can't really tell them "finish up, we have to leave." They are going to take their time and you have to sit there waiting. That's why sometimes you see a painting of a shepherd sitting on a rock looking at his sheep grazing. Shepherds wait until their sheep have their fill. They do this day in and do out, leave in the morning and come back at sunset. You have to be patient with these animals and have to bear with them, even if they are communicating well with you or not, you still have to be patient.

Prophet Musa alayhissalaam was very patient with Bani Israel. It was an unbearable task to deal with them but Musa alayhissalaam had a training in shepherding longer than any prophets. He was a shepherd for 10 years. He went through a lot but he was patient. Prophet Nuh alayhissalaam went through 950 years in da'wah. He tried every different ways to get his people to believe in the One God--publicly and privately, at night and daytime, but they rejected the message. Imagine doing the same thing, meeting the same people who turned you down for 950 years! Patience.

The wisdom behind having the Prophets as shepherd before Prophethood so that they may become skilled in herding the flock as they will be responsible for their respective nations in the future. In herding one attains forbearance and mercy and imbues patience for when the shepherd is obliged to gather his flock and herded from one area to another at once knowing the traits of all, and all the while protecting the flock from predators, he has thus attained the skills necessary to lead the nation and protect it from enemies both from within and abroad. They learn patience and attain the understanding of the different nature of people. They learn to show kindness to the weak and resolve with the dominant, the reasons for which Allah chose the sheep for the Prophets as opposed to communal animals (such as cows or camels) because they are animals that are weak and need extra guidance and attention. Sheep are more difficult to maintain as a flock because of their propensity to go astray and wander away. This is akin to human society and it is the Divine wisdom of Allah to train these prophets accordingly. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, mentioning this humble trait shared by all prophets attesting to his humility to Allah. (ibn Hajar)

We are all shepherds in this life. A leader is a shepherd of his followers. A man is the shepherd of his household. A woman is the shepherdess of her young children. A teacher is the shepherd(ess) of his/her students. We have to take this job seriously. You must show compassion and be merciful to them and exercise lots of forbearance and patience. We are all going to be accountable for our flocks one day before the Master, Lord of the Worlds. We must protect our flocks from the various dangers--seen or unseen, wolves and other beasts, diseases, etc and make sure you help them get home safe.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, one day he stood on the pulpit of masjid warning people of Hellfire. The narrator of the hadith said the people in the market place could hear him in the masjid repeating the warning over and over again!

May Allah grant us forbearance and patience. Ameen. Please remember us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

Wassalaam