Disciplining Your Children

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Parents have the responsibility to raise their children well. One thing all parents have in common is that children will challenge their authority. They can rebel, they can act out in school, they can act out at home, they can embarrass you in public. The way you respond to your child will determine how long your child will be defiant towards you. Most children just want to be noticed and want to be attention grabbers. Some children choose to do it the right way; while other children do it to draw attention by any means necessary. Showing love and compassion early in their lives will earn you their respect very early in their lives.

To help overcome many behavior problems, discipline your children by teaching and training them very early in life. This is where it is necessary to last for decades to come. Throughout your lifetime chances are you will continue to face the challenges of parenthood even after your children are no longer under your roof. Parenting is a "lifelong" commitment and it does not go away just because your children have reached 18 or 21. Just because your children have moved out of your home, it doesn't really mean they are truly on their own. Though they might think they don't need you anymore at that time, they do need your guidance more than ever.

Many parents fall in the wrong and that harms the children as well as themselves. Raising children well is never a piece of cake and if one does not have patience, one can get angry with one's children at any time of the day. But we cannot get angry with our children because of our impatience. We must restrain our anger.

The only time you can get angry with your children is if the anger is for the sake of Allah Almighty, and only if you know how to express your anger in a way that is pleasing to Allah. Otherwise you will wind up wronging your children with your tongue and your other limbs.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him,

That a man said to the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace: "Counsel me", so he, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Do not become angry." The man repeated [his request for counsel] several times, and he, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Do not become angry."

[Bukhari and Muslim]

To be a good parent, you must yourself have a good discipline, lest you will wrong your child, by your bad examples and bad actions. So, before we discipline our children, we should discipline ourselves first and don't act out.

Your children are an asset to you and not a liability. If you raise them well, by that it means you raise them to know their Lord, and they act upon such knowledge, you will continue to benefit until the Day of Judgment.

Allah Almighty says,

إِنَّا نَحْنُ نُحْىِ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ وَنَكْتُبُ مَا قَدَّمُوا۟ وَءَاثَـٰرَهُمْ ۚ وَكُلَّ شَىْءٍ أَحْصَيْنَـٰهُ فِىٓ إِمَامٍ مُّبِينٍ

Indeed, it is We who bring the dead to life and record what they have put forth and what they left behind, and all things We have enumerated in a clear register.

[Qur'an Ya-Sin 36:12]

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that Allah's Messenger, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:

When a human being dies, all of his deeds are terminated except for three types: an ongoing sadaqah (charity), a knowledge (of Islam) from which others benefit, and a righteous child who makes du'a (supplication) for him.

[Muslim and others].

Teaching your children to know their Lord should be your foremost goal for them. May Allah grant us tawfiq and our success can only come from Allah alone. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam

Related Archives:
World's Model Parent

Not A Big Deal And You're Bankrupt

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Remember the times when you borrowed a pen from your friend and forgot to give it back and now it is gone, or perhaps you had taken a pen home from work, didn't think much of it or perhaps you think it wasn't a big deal.

It may very well be that your friend have forgotten all about the pen and it may very well be that it was not a big deal to you boss that you took the pen after all you have been a very productive employee. But this is in this life. When your friend and your boss come for reckoning in the Day of Judgment, they will latch on to anything that they can balance their books with. They won't need the pens anymore, so they will take your good deeds, and if that isn't enough, you will have to take their bad deeds. That's how people can become bankrupt in the Day of Judgment because they violated the rights of others in this life.

You should hasten to return things you borrowed from people because you don't know when you will die or when they will die.

Borrowed items are trusts. While you have the item belonging to someone else, you should be careful with it and take care of it more and better than your own belonging.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, paid the utmost attention to trust in all its different forms and linking it to faith.

Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, relates that the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:

There is no faith in one who cannot be trusted, and no religion in one who doesn't fulfill their commitments.

[Ahmad]

Trust is a matter that arise in our day-to-day affair. Someone may appear to approve to something but they really don't. They quietly upset and they didn't say anything because they were shy or embarrassed. You should not take another's property without their willful permission. Another's property is not permitted except with their willful permission. Anything taken with the sword of shyness or embarrassment is unlawful (haram). Especially careful when you ask something of others in front of people. We take people's honor seriously and not make them feel embarrassed to give it to you.

When borrowing something like money or something that can intermingle like books, silverware, plates, etc., your concern for other people is that you write down what they borrow from you and your concern for yourself is that you write down what you borrow from other people. If you borrow something from people, you must take the means and hasten to pay the money you borrowed or return the item you borrowed.

May Allah protect us from traits of a hypocrite. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam

Enjoining The Good And Forbidding The Evil

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

If there is a political, social or economic injustice or aggression that leads to the taking of innocent lives, what does one do to stand up against this?

Taking of another's life is a grave sin. Unless the killer truly repented and regret it, he will not be forgiven for the sin. He will be under the curse and anger of Allah.

وَمَن يَقْتُلْ مُؤْمِنًا مُّتَعَمِّدًا فَجَزَآؤُهُۥ جَهَنَّمُ خَـٰلِدًا فِيهَا وَغَضِبَ ٱللَّـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَلَعَنَهُۥ وَأَعَدَّ لَهُۥ عَذَابًا عَظِيمًا

But whoever kills a believer intentionally - his recompense is Hell, wherein he will abide eternally, and Allah has become angry with him and has cursed him and has prepared for him a great punishment.

[Qur'an An-Nisa 4:93]

We have a collective duty of commanding the good and forbidding the evil.

وَلْتَكُن مِّنكُمْ أُمَّةٌ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى ٱلْخَيْرِ وَيَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ

And let there be [arising] from you a nation inviting to [all that is] good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful.

[Qur'an AleImaran 3:104]

وَٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَآءُ بَعْضٍ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّـهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّـهُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.

[Qur'an At-Tawba 9:69]

Enjoining the good and forbidding the evil is one of the most important Islamic principles, stressed repeatedly in the Qur'an and Hadith. It provides a mechanism whereby the Muslim Ummah can fight off various social, moral and spiritual ills, and maintain a healthy and dynamic life. If one practices this principle, it provides both a source and an indication of spiritual and moral health. If one does not react in any way in the face of wrong, then this means that in a spiritual and moral sense, one is dead.

`Abd allah ibn Mas'ud was once asked, "Who are the living dead?" and he replied, "Those who never command something good and never forbid something bad".

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:

If one of you sees something wrong, let him change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; if he cannot, then with his heart and this is the weakest faith.

Some versions added:

...there is no part of faith behind that, not even so much as a mustard seed.

One should fix oneself, avoiding sins and doing good as much as one can. Fixing oneself includes commanding good and forbidding evil. One cannot be fully guided until he fulfills what Allah has obligated upon him of commanding the good and forbidding the evil. At the very least one should have concern of those who are being wronged.

May Allah bring guide the Ummah. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam

The King's Sanctuary

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Allah has allowed certain things and has forbidden certain things. A sin is disobedience to the command of Allah Almighty, deserving punishment in the Hellfire. So before we act, we must ask: Is this permissible or not? If we don't know the answer to it or if we are not sure, then we must pause and ask those who have knowledge.

It is more important to avoid the haram than doing a good deed because avoidance of the haram is the basis of a sound heart. When you avoid the haram, the benefit will hasten, If you weigh yourself down with sins, even if you want to do good deed, you won't find the drive to get the good deed done, and even if you are able to do it, you won't be able to sustain it. Furthermore, the good deed will not have the benefit you expect.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (radiAllahu 'anhu) who said: The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

Allah the Almighty is Good and accepts only that which is good. And verily Allah has commanded the Believers to do that which He has commanded the Messengers. So the Almighty has said:

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلرُّسُلُ كُلُوا۟ مِنَ ٱلطَّيِّبَـٰتِ وَٱعْمَلُوا۟ صَـٰلِحًا ۖ إِنِّى بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ عَلِيمٌ

[Allah said], "O messengers, eat from the good foods and work righteousness. Indeed, I, of what you do, am Knowing." [Qur'an Al-Mu'minun 23:51]

and the Almighty has said:

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُلُوا۟ مِن طَيِّبَـٰتِ مَا رَزَقْنَـٰكُمْ وَٱشْكُرُوا۟ لِلَّـهِ إِن كُنتُمْ إِيَّاهُ تَعْبُدُونَ

O you who have believed, eat from the good things which We have provided for you and be grateful to Allah if it is [indeed] Him that you worship. [Qur'an Al-Baqarah 2:172]

Then he mentioned [the case] of a man who, having journeyed far, is disheveled and dusty, and who spreads out his hands to the sky saying "O Lord! O Lord!", while his food is Haram (unlawful), his drink is Haram, his clothing is Haram, and he has been nourished with Haraam, so how can [his supplication] be answered ?!

[Muslim.]

One of the things that you see many people don't pay much attention to, as they should, is food. They might be conscious about what constitute healthy food, and so they might take the extra trouble and expense to find and buy organic food, but they don't put the same amount of effort and consideration in making sure that what they eat is lawful.

It is important to nourish your physical body properly so you have the physical strength to take care of your responsibilities and worship Allah. But this is not as critical as nourishing your soul. Allah has created a lot of things in your body to ward off bacteria, and He created bodily functions to remove waste and toxins from your body, and you probably won't die from eating non-organic foods. However, consuming non-halal foods will affect your spiritual state. The heart will be deprived of the Light of Knowledge and the Light of Piety, so one might end up doing more haram. And that juicy steak and chicken biryani which are not permissible to eat will instead be a source of evil and punishment, and your actions will not be acceptable by Allah.

Many have been said about halal meat and poultry in the West. One should verify the sources of these product to make sure that they are indeed halal. You have to exercise your due diligence. Sometimes it is a matter of common sense.

One should also be cautious about eating out so one does not wind up doing haram. In the absence of standards, it can easily be said that a majority of restaurants in the West that claim halal is not halal. Even if the restaurant owners are all religious, the economic incentives will cause them to cut corners. Those who lack concern of religious matters (serving alcohol, pictures or posters that does not represent Islam posted on the walls, rock music in the background, etc.), caution requires that you do not eat at those places.

Consuming food that in itself is halal but from unlawful means, is also feeding haram into your body. Be very careful of unlawful earning, which we might not think of it as such. Unlawful earnings need not just be from impermissible work or business. One might be doing work that is lawful but one does things at work which are considered unacceptable by the employer, e.g. surfing the internet, checking or writing personal emails, talking on the phone with your spouse for extended period of time, the earnings during that time is haram.

One should be very careful about these things. When in doubt err on the side of caution. It is not be possible to do that unless you have knowledge. Know what Allah has forbidden and not only avoid the sin but also avoid what lead to the sin.

On the authority of Abu `Abdillah an-Nu`maan the son of Bashir (radiAllahu 'anhuma), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) say:

That which is lawful is clear and that which is unlawful is clear, and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which many people do not know. Thus he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor, but he who falls into doubtful matters [eventually] falls into that which is unlawful, like the shepherd who pastures around a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Truly every king has a sanctuary, and truly Allaah's sanctuary is His prohibitions. Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh, which, if it be whole, all the body is whole, and which, if it is diseased, all of [the body] is diseased. Truly, it is the heart.

[Bukhari and Muslim.]

The one who does not fear Allah and indulges in doubtful matters, eventually begins to practice the forbidden actions too, and becomes lenient in these affairs. And this is as some of the scholars have said that minor sins lead to major sins and major sins lead to kufr.

Just as a King has a sanctuary, which the shepherds must keep their sheep away from, so too has Allah specified certain things as forbidden for his slaves, which they must refrain from - such as murder, usury (riba), theft, drinking wine and alcohol, listening to unlawful music, zina, backbiting, slander and tale-carrying, and other such things, all of which we should keep far from to avoid falling into them.

May Allah protect is from sins and the Hellfire. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam

Related Archive: Wake Up, Hell Is No Joke

Smile :)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Good character is directly related to faith itself. The believers who are best in faith are those who are best in character. The weightiest of matter on the Scale in the Day of Judgement is good character.

There is no reciprocating harm with harm but return bad with good. This is the Prophetic ways.

Our character is tested most in our relationships with people, especially with our children, spouses, parents, siblings and relatives.

The sign of the best of believers is that they hasten to repent. Repentance has a worldly aspect to it. If you have wronged someone or said something wrong to someone, a sign of sincerity with your relationship with Allah is that you do not hesitate to apologize. Of course social discretion and wisdom entails that you apologize in such a way that it does not turn you into a doormat on which people start walking all over you. But you hasten to apologize so that the wound does not get deeper.

You can frame a bad relationship in a positive way and the reward is both here and in your next life. Show a cheerful face, put that smile on your face, and invite the person for lunch or go out and have coffee/tea/sweets.

Whenever you smile, it is said that your brain is releasing serotonin, the happy hormone, and that it is widely believed that a serotonin deficiency plays a role in depression.

Smiling is the natural way to force yourself to be happy. Many people even smile for five minutes straight in the morning to get themselves in a great mood for the day. It is a very powerful tool that is utilized less and less as we grow older. You see babies smile all the time (except when they are busy doing their thing) and how much joy those little smiles brought to you and people around. Just remember that while happiness leads to smiles, smiles also lead to happiness.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said that "Your smile for your brother is charity." It is charity for you because it makes you feel happy and it is charity for others because it makes them happy. Remember, "Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises."

As well, feeding people is not an accident when the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was asked about faith.

Abdullah ibn 'Amr reported that a man asked the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, "Which is the best of Islam?" He replied, "Feeding people and giving the greeting to those you know and those you do not know."

May Allah enable us to put smiles on our faces even when things are bad. Ameen.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam