بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
No one can deny or reject the Shari'ah's ruling that husbands have the right to discipline their wives and parents have the right to discipline their children. But understand that beating is only used to encourage people to do things, not to let off steam. And beating is only used as the last resort in disciplining. First, you have to talk to the person and try to convince the person to do what you want the person to do. You try to encourage the person to do what you want the person to do through positive reinforcement--gifts, reward, favors, praises, charms, etc. You exercise forbearance and patience while trying to get the person do what you want the person to do. People are more receptive to good treatment than bad treatment. So start with kindness instead of harshness when you want something from the other person.
I recently heard from a very well known and respectable scholar, who never beat his wife or children. This piece of information is very telling. Something I never heard before but Alhamdulillah it is a very important piece of my own puzzles on this issue of beating. He related that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, used to have a small siwak and he told his wife that if he was not afraid of Allah he would give his wife pain with that siwak. He didn't beat her with the siwak. Go figure. The Prophet of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, who knew that all his sins--past, present and future--were forgiven, but he still feared Allah, and so he did not beat his wife, not even with a small siwak he was carrying. Are we not afraid of Allah?
There is no god except Allah. He created what is in the heavens and the earth. The One who benefits and harms is Allah. The One who gives you all the blessings is Allah. Allah told us this in order to convince us of His existence and drive you to worship and obey Him. He told us whoever does good deed will go to Paradise and every good deed is 10 reward and that could reach 700 times. This is to encourage us to do good. So why don't we use this method to encourage people to do good? Allah also tells us that whoever doesn't like to do good and insist to do bad he will go to the Hellfire.
Beating, as we should understand, is not to physically harm, but merely to scare the person from doing something in disobedience of Allah. If you have an Islamic home, if a child sees a small stick on his father's hand, this would scare him. And a wife would too, if you are a true shepherd.
You see much in the animal kingdom how the animals live together in solidarity and how the parents protect their young from danger, feed them, teach them and make big sacrifices for them. They think of their young before themselves and feed them first. Allah is the One who teaches these animals to live this way and think about their young, feed and protect them. It is said that the storks are among the world's model parents because of their care, attachment and sacrifice that both parents show to their young. During a very hot weather, too hot even for a human to bear, the parents would shower the young through their bills with water they fetch together and they would spread their wings to shade their young from the hot sun. We should be better than these animals but sometimes we are the culprit, the ones who hurt those under our protection. Like the animals we have our guidance from Allah in the Qur'an. So learn the Qur'an and put the teachings into practice in your family the way it is supposed to be.
"There is not an animal in the earth, nor a flying creature flying on two wings, but they are communities like unto you. We have neglected nothing in the Book (of Our decrees). Then unto their Lord they will be gathered." Qur'an Al-Anaam 6:38
إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيْهِ رَٰجِعُونَ
'Surely we belong to God, and to Him we return' (Qur'an Al-Baqarah 2:156)
May Allah guide us. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
related reading:
The True Shepherd
Going Back To Nature
Who Is The Shepherd
