بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
We pray for our child, not against the child, for the prayer of a parent for the child is answered.
My youngest son always make long supplications during his witr prayers and every so often he would remind me to ask Allah to answer his du'a. When I asked him what were the du'as, he wouldn't tell me. So I said, "What if the du'a is not good for you?" He said, "then you say grant the du'a if it is good for me and if it is not good for me, ask Allah to make it good for me!" So that's how I asked Allah.
Now, what does a mom do when her 16 year old wants to drive like his friends? My answer is if you feel that your child is not ready, then the child shouldn't be driving. And you stand firm on your ground. You are the parent and he is the child. We don't go by what others do, but we go by what we think is best for our children. Sometimes it may be doing something that is not normal and subject you to ridicule but you stand firm. I am definitely not a proponent of teenage driving. I did not drive until I graduated from college, got a job and could afford to buy myself a car. I live. My children knew this and they knew it would be a steep uphill battle to get me to let them drive.
When one of my sons turned the age when he could legally get his teenage driver's permit, I said NO when he asked. He tried to persuade me to let him take his driver's permit for more than a year until he finally gave up. To me, there is no need for him to drive--I can drive him anyway he needs to go.
Finally, the other day, for strategic considerations, I told him I would let him get his driver's license. So I set up an appointment for him. He was anxious to take the test but at the same time he knew even if he passed the test, I would not let him drive. As we were driving to the test facility, he voiced that sentiment, "you are not going to let me drive even if I passed the test" I responded, "with me in the car maybe, inshaAllah." He reclined his seat and went silent.
We arrived at the test location but the person did not let him take the test. The appointment was actually for his younger brother and his actual appointment was to be 2 weeks later. The person at the counter said no switching appointments! It didn't make sense to me so I was going to ask to speak to her supervisor. I looked at my son and he calmly said, "that's OK Mom, let's go." I did not expect this calm reaction from him. Well he surprised me! So we went home and I went to my computer to see if I could reschedule his actual appointment for some day sooner. I checked for a different location in another city for availability. There popped up a next day appointment available at that office. Someone must have canceled his appointment in time for me to grab it. My son was excited.
The next day as I was driving with my son to driving test location, my son asked me to make du'a for him to pass. But then he said, "you are not going to make that du'a, aren't you?" I said, I'll make that du'a you asked." And then he looked at me again, skeptical. So I made the du'a aloud. "O Allah, make my son pass his driving test if it is good for him, and if it is not good for him, make it good for him." So he smiled.
I waited for him at the location while he went for the driving test. After a while he came back and walked up to me and quite seriously said, "I knew you were not sincere with your du'a!" I said, "Come on, don't lie, you passed!" He was excited and sent text message to friends and relatives to announce that he got his driver's license. He had a dentist appointment the next day and I let him drive to the dentist (with me in the car), and let him used my debit card and filled the gas tank. He understood now the reasons for me "delaying" his driving privilege, but not being strict and old fashioned. And I have seen a big change in his attitude in just the few days after he got his driver's license. He took the initiative to do things that I normally would have to tell him repeatedly. MashaAllah.
We should be merciful and gentle with our children and amuse them with our speech. But there are times we have to be firm out of compassion for them. Children test our limits, and as parents a lot of times, we, especially the busy parents, can easily cave in. But we cannot do that. At times we can be Counsel for the Prosecution or Counsel for the Defense or the Judge or the Jury or the Executioner or the Arbitrator or the Mediator, especially if we are dealing with more than one child. You have to put on one of these hats whenever appropriate. It is exhausting and frustrating work and not all of us are set out to have a home-career in Law but you have to do it--do it with patience and forbearance. Allah entrusted them to us pure and purified on pure Islamic disposition, so they must be returned to Allah, pure and purified. Allah has given us the tools to do this---in the teachings of our Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace. Do your best to follow them and keep improving yourselves and leave the rest to Him.
May Allah bless your children and your families. Ameen.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
