بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends,
I pray that you are well.
If you sit in a criminal court that deal with domestic violence cases, you will be scared--scared that our kids could be the ones in that defendant's chair. May Allah protect our children and our families from this calamity. Ameen.
I was in a courtroom yesterday and there came a young woman in handcuffs and shackles. She was 19 years old, about 115 lbs, charged with attempted murder of her marine husband, who was said to be about 225 lbs. How this happened? They got into a fight and she was accused of taking a kitchen knife and sliced her husband's finger. Her husband was holding their infant child when this happened. One of the things the court looked at on whether or not a parent can have contact with a child in domestic violence cases is whether or not the child was present during the fight. She was denied contact with her infant child.
Young people are becoming angrier and angrier it seems. Indeed, our families are not immune from this. But there are things we can do to avoid this from escalating to violence. We must avoid this from happening to our families at all cost.
One of the goals of marriage is to produce a generation of new Muslims to carry on the message of Islam. We can't fulfill this goal if we ignore our responsibilities towards Allah. Raising them to worship Allah alone is our responsibility. You can't teach them this if you yourself don't live Islam. Praying five times a day and fasting in the month of Ramadhan is not sufficient to bring Islam into the family.
The family is the first source of guidance and happiness for these children. If the children are brought up where they can see displeasure and unhappiness of their parents, and the stress and problems within the family, this will affect their behavior and could lead to violent behaviors.
The institution of marriage is sacred in Islam, meaning people should not get married without knowledge of this institution. Your child cannot enter a college without completing the grades in school and you don't pick a college for your child without knowledge of the college. Likewise, marriage is similar, you have to prepare your child at a very early stage as they will one day enter this institution. First and foremost is to teach them good character.
Character is of extreme importance in Islam. It goes hand in hand with faith and piety.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "I have been sent to complete righteous character." (Ahmad)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Piety and righteousness is being of good character." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "There is nothing heavier on the believer's scale on the Day of Judgment than good character." (Tirmidhi)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "The believers with the most complete Iman are the ones with the best behavior." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud)
"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." Qur'an An-Noor 26
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A woman is married because of her religiousness, wealth or beauty. So go for the one who is religious and may your hands be filled with dust (that is, may you prosper)." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or ward), then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth and great deal of evil." (Tirmidhi, ibn Majah)
Prospective spouses must ask and find out about the other person's behavior and manners. A sign of this, look at the other person's family's manners and behaviors as many times, although not always, the behaviors of people of the same family are similar. There are some characteristics that run in some families, whether they be good or bad characters, such as anger, patience, courteous, politeness, etc.
May Allah give us tawfiq. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
