بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Sometimes you are "stuck" in a marriage where it seems that everything you do for your spouse was never good enough. There was always something wrong with you. Know that some people see things in terms of the cup is half empty rather than the cup is half full. This could be the underlying problem.
Read this story. It was passed down from an old grandmother to her granddaughter and to me--a real story. Perhaps you have heard this story but good to hear it again. InshaAllah it is of benefit.
A lady was married to someone she didn't love. She did everything to keep him away from her but he was patient. One day, she burned the rice dish on purpose and served it to her husband. She expected her husband to be angry but her husband said, "what an aromatic rice this is!" and he ate the rice. The next day she cooked the rice with a lot of water until it became soupy and served it to her husband. The husband said, "hmm, this rice is easy to swallow!" and swallowed it. The next day she served him with a half way cooked rice. "hmm, this will fill me up for a while!" and he ate it. With that the wife realized that her husband is a good man and stayed with him, and they had many children together.
It is very rare to find a "perfect wife" or a "perfect husband." And remember, you married your spouse. So you have to work a little harder to keep your marriage especially if you have children (unless it is for certain that it is more detrimental for your children to stay--typically when there is constant abuse.) One wise man said, the chances of finding a better spouse than the one you have is 1 out of 3. The other 2 could be the same or worse. So if you don't want to risk getting a spouse who is worse than the one you have, you have no choice but to be patient. Find all the excuses in the world for your spouse whether you love your spouse or not, whether you think your spouse is good or not. You will come out the happy one. Always ask Allah to help you and your spouse. Allah will make a way out of the situation for you. InshaAllah.
May Allah grant us peace and tranquility. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Is your marriage good enough worth a good go?
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In The Name Of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
This is interesting. Hope it is of benefit. InshaAllah.
What is a good-enough marriage? Or Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of "The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After 40," would have me ask: "Can I make my marriage good enough?" After interviewing several experts*, I've uncovered ten questions you can ask yourself to help clarify whether or not your relationship, albeit imperfect, is worth a good go:
1. Are you exaggerating the negatives? For the next two months mark the good and bad days on your calendar to get a reality check.
2. Have you already left the marriage by emotionally withdrawing? Or by giving up all attempts to make the relationship better? If so, can you find a way to reengage?
3. Do you get so angry that you hit each other or throw things at least once a month? If the answer is yes, are you hanging on to a terrible relationship because you're afraid of being alone? Or because you're convinced it's the best you can do?
4. If you're frustrated because your husband won't change (you'd like him to be more forceful or manly, for example), is it really necessary that he does? Is there anything in your family history that may be driving your need to transform him? (Your father never stood up for you when you needed him.)
5. Have you been teaching your husband the wrong lessons by not challenging his hurtful behavior? (You don't say anything when he criticizes you in public. He never washes the dishes, so you just do them, resentfully.)
6. Do you have fun together? Even when things are tough, do you make jokes about it? (A good sign.) If not, can you make time in your marriage for more play?
7. Are there conflicts that you've avoided in the relationship? What do you fear would happen if you confronted them?
8. Do you simply need more time alone? A weekend on your own every so often to make the heart grow fonder?
9. Has something occurred-- a death, a big birthday, a job loss -- that's throwing off your relationship and needs to be addressed?
10. Have you done everything you possibly can to make this marriage work? Are you certain he has heard your complaints? Have you tried a marriage-education class or couples therapy? If he won't go to counseling, have you gone yourself to see how you might save the relationship?
While pondering these questions, I remembered -- from somewhere deep -- many of the delightful aspects of my marriage. (Did I mention that he surprises me with candlelit lavender baths and singing Chanukah mugs?) And we do talk and make up well. For me the most clarity has come from thinking of marriage not as a noun, or a state of being, but as a verb, as in what "I do" (you say those two words for a reason), and therefore something I can do better.
So rather than hang my marriage on the clearance rack, as I fear I've done, I vow to try to understand -- even appreciate -- his faults, er, growth opportunities. You know, I always wanted a red apartment, and just think: pizza-proof. ---Oprah
May Allah bless your family. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wasalaam
In The Name Of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
This is interesting. Hope it is of benefit. InshaAllah.
What is a good-enough marriage? Or Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of "The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After 40," would have me ask: "Can I make my marriage good enough?" After interviewing several experts*, I've uncovered ten questions you can ask yourself to help clarify whether or not your relationship, albeit imperfect, is worth a good go:
1. Are you exaggerating the negatives? For the next two months mark the good and bad days on your calendar to get a reality check.
2. Have you already left the marriage by emotionally withdrawing? Or by giving up all attempts to make the relationship better? If so, can you find a way to reengage?
3. Do you get so angry that you hit each other or throw things at least once a month? If the answer is yes, are you hanging on to a terrible relationship because you're afraid of being alone? Or because you're convinced it's the best you can do?
4. If you're frustrated because your husband won't change (you'd like him to be more forceful or manly, for example), is it really necessary that he does? Is there anything in your family history that may be driving your need to transform him? (Your father never stood up for you when you needed him.)
5. Have you been teaching your husband the wrong lessons by not challenging his hurtful behavior? (You don't say anything when he criticizes you in public. He never washes the dishes, so you just do them, resentfully.)
6. Do you have fun together? Even when things are tough, do you make jokes about it? (A good sign.) If not, can you make time in your marriage for more play?
7. Are there conflicts that you've avoided in the relationship? What do you fear would happen if you confronted them?
8. Do you simply need more time alone? A weekend on your own every so often to make the heart grow fonder?
9. Has something occurred-- a death, a big birthday, a job loss -- that's throwing off your relationship and needs to be addressed?
10. Have you done everything you possibly can to make this marriage work? Are you certain he has heard your complaints? Have you tried a marriage-education class or couples therapy? If he won't go to counseling, have you gone yourself to see how you might save the relationship?
While pondering these questions, I remembered -- from somewhere deep -- many of the delightful aspects of my marriage. (Did I mention that he surprises me with candlelit lavender baths and singing Chanukah mugs?) And we do talk and make up well. For me the most clarity has come from thinking of marriage not as a noun, or a state of being, but as a verb, as in what "I do" (you say those two words for a reason), and therefore something I can do better.
So rather than hang my marriage on the clearance rack, as I fear I've done, I vow to try to understand -- even appreciate -- his faults, er, growth opportunities. You know, I always wanted a red apartment, and just think: pizza-proof. ---Oprah
May Allah bless your family. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wasalaam
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Divorce Is Not The Answer To Most Marriages
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Divorce Busting
By Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce is not the answer
But those days are gone. Now, I do whatever I can to help people find solutions to their marital problems so that they can stay together. I do not get sidetracked by pessimism and hopelessness as I did in days past. Now I know that hopelessness is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. Nothing more, nothing less. It is natural for people to feel pessimistic when, day after day, month after month, nothing improves, problems never get resolved. Feelings of pain and rejection are ever-present.
How can people envision their marriages improving when their track record hasn't been so good? Believing that there's still some solution that might work requires a leap of faith. Now I am convinced that pessimism and hopelessness are feelings based on past performances; feelings that are changeable, feelings worth changing. People can and should stay together and work out their differences.
Why the switch? There are many reasons. Over the past several years I have witnessed the suffering and disillusionment that are the predictable by-products of divorce. I have seen people who have been divorced for five years or longer with wounds that won't heal. These people failed to anticipate the pain and upheaval divorce leaves in its wake. I have heard countless divorced couples battle tenaciously over the very same issues they believed they were leaving behind when they walked out the door. They learned too late that the act of divorce does not free them from their ex-spouses' emotional grip; some ghosts live forever.
I have heard too many disillusioned individuals express regrets about their belief that their ex-spouse was the problem only to discover similar problems in their second marriages or, even more surprisingly, in their new single lives. They admit to recreating the same unproductive patterns of interacting in new relationships, repeating old mistakes or discovering that they are still miserable.
Diagnosing one's spouse as the source of the problem, a common antecedent to divorce, doesn't take into account the roles both partners play in the deterioration of the relationship. The habits spouses developed over the years go with them when they walk out the door. This may partly account for the saddening statistic that 60% of second marriages also end in divorce.
And then there are the children, the real victims in divorce. Research shows that, except in extreme cases of abuse, children want their parents together. Children have no say in a decision that profoundly affects them for the rest of their lives. When parents decide to end their marriage, it means the death of the family. As the family disintegrates, a child's sense of comfort and security becomes shaken.
Carl Whitaker, a leader in the field of family therapy, once said, "When children are involved, there is no such thing as divorce." Battles over parenting issues don't end with divorce, they get played out even more vigorously with children as the innocent bystanders. Uncomfortable gatherings at future family weddings, bar mitzvahs, graduations, births and funerals provide never-ending reminders that divorce is forever.
I've met children of all ages who, even after both parents remarry, secretly hope their own parents will, someday reunite. Many well-adjusted adults whose parents separated or divorced when they were children admit an emptiness that never goes away. Most parents recognize that divorce will impact on their children, they just don't anticipate the lasting effects. In regards to this, I've heard too many divorced parents say, "I wish I knew then what I know now." Gradually, I have come to the conclusion that divorce is not the answer. It doesn't necessarily solve the problems it purports to solve. Most marriages are worth saving.
Most problems are solvable
I have not arrived at this conclusion based on religious or moralistic views. From my perspective, divorce is neither immoral nor bad. In fact, in extreme cases, certain relationships are better off terminated for the health and well being of everyone involved. This book will also address these exceptional situations. However, most people considering divorce do not fall into these extreme categories.
May Allah bless your marriage. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Divorce Busting
By Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce is not the answer
But those days are gone. Now, I do whatever I can to help people find solutions to their marital problems so that they can stay together. I do not get sidetracked by pessimism and hopelessness as I did in days past. Now I know that hopelessness is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. Nothing more, nothing less. It is natural for people to feel pessimistic when, day after day, month after month, nothing improves, problems never get resolved. Feelings of pain and rejection are ever-present.
How can people envision their marriages improving when their track record hasn't been so good? Believing that there's still some solution that might work requires a leap of faith. Now I am convinced that pessimism and hopelessness are feelings based on past performances; feelings that are changeable, feelings worth changing. People can and should stay together and work out their differences.
Why the switch? There are many reasons. Over the past several years I have witnessed the suffering and disillusionment that are the predictable by-products of divorce. I have seen people who have been divorced for five years or longer with wounds that won't heal. These people failed to anticipate the pain and upheaval divorce leaves in its wake. I have heard countless divorced couples battle tenaciously over the very same issues they believed they were leaving behind when they walked out the door. They learned too late that the act of divorce does not free them from their ex-spouses' emotional grip; some ghosts live forever.
I have heard too many disillusioned individuals express regrets about their belief that their ex-spouse was the problem only to discover similar problems in their second marriages or, even more surprisingly, in their new single lives. They admit to recreating the same unproductive patterns of interacting in new relationships, repeating old mistakes or discovering that they are still miserable.
Diagnosing one's spouse as the source of the problem, a common antecedent to divorce, doesn't take into account the roles both partners play in the deterioration of the relationship. The habits spouses developed over the years go with them when they walk out the door. This may partly account for the saddening statistic that 60% of second marriages also end in divorce.
And then there are the children, the real victims in divorce. Research shows that, except in extreme cases of abuse, children want their parents together. Children have no say in a decision that profoundly affects them for the rest of their lives. When parents decide to end their marriage, it means the death of the family. As the family disintegrates, a child's sense of comfort and security becomes shaken.
Carl Whitaker, a leader in the field of family therapy, once said, "When children are involved, there is no such thing as divorce." Battles over parenting issues don't end with divorce, they get played out even more vigorously with children as the innocent bystanders. Uncomfortable gatherings at future family weddings, bar mitzvahs, graduations, births and funerals provide never-ending reminders that divorce is forever.
I've met children of all ages who, even after both parents remarry, secretly hope their own parents will, someday reunite. Many well-adjusted adults whose parents separated or divorced when they were children admit an emptiness that never goes away. Most parents recognize that divorce will impact on their children, they just don't anticipate the lasting effects. In regards to this, I've heard too many divorced parents say, "I wish I knew then what I know now." Gradually, I have come to the conclusion that divorce is not the answer. It doesn't necessarily solve the problems it purports to solve. Most marriages are worth saving.
Most problems are solvable
I have not arrived at this conclusion based on religious or moralistic views. From my perspective, divorce is neither immoral nor bad. In fact, in extreme cases, certain relationships are better off terminated for the health and well being of everyone involved. This book will also address these exceptional situations. However, most people considering divorce do not fall into these extreme categories.
May Allah bless your marriage. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Sacred Institution
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends,
I pray that you are well.
If you sit in a criminal court that deal with domestic violence cases, you will be scared--scared that our kids could be the ones in that defendant's chair. May Allah protect our children and our families from this calamity. Ameen.
I was in a courtroom yesterday and there came a young woman in handcuffs and shackles. She was 19 years old, about 115 lbs, charged with attempted murder of her marine husband, who was said to be about 225 lbs. How this happened? They got into a fight and she was accused of taking a kitchen knife and sliced her husband's finger. Her husband was holding their infant child when this happened. One of the things the court looked at on whether or not a parent can have contact with a child in domestic violence cases is whether or not the child was present during the fight. She was denied contact with her infant child.
Young people are becoming angrier and angrier it seems. Indeed, our families are not immune from this. But there are things we can do to avoid this from escalating to violence. We must avoid this from happening to our families at all cost.
One of the goals of marriage is to produce a generation of new Muslims to carry on the message of Islam. We can't fulfill this goal if we ignore our responsibilities towards Allah. Raising them to worship Allah alone is our responsibility. You can't teach them this if you yourself don't live Islam. Praying five times a day and fasting in the month of Ramadhan is not sufficient to bring Islam into the family.
The family is the first source of guidance and happiness for these children. If the children are brought up where they can see displeasure and unhappiness of their parents, and the stress and problems within the family, this will affect their behavior and could lead to violent behaviors.
The institution of marriage is sacred in Islam, meaning people should not get married without knowledge of this institution. Your child cannot enter a college without completing the grades in school and you don't pick a college for your child without knowledge of the college. Likewise, marriage is similar, you have to prepare your child at a very early stage as they will one day enter this institution. First and foremost is to teach them good character.
Character is of extreme importance in Islam. It goes hand in hand with faith and piety.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "I have been sent to complete righteous character." (Ahmad)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Piety and righteousness is being of good character." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "There is nothing heavier on the believer's scale on the Day of Judgment than good character." (Tirmidhi)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "The believers with the most complete Iman are the ones with the best behavior." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud)
"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." Qur'an An-Noor 26
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A woman is married because of her religiousness, wealth or beauty. So go for the one who is religious and may your hands be filled with dust (that is, may you prosper)." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or ward), then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth and great deal of evil." (Tirmidhi, ibn Majah)
Prospective spouses must ask and find out about the other person's behavior and manners. A sign of this, look at the other person's family's manners and behaviors as many times, although not always, the behaviors of people of the same family are similar. There are some characteristics that run in some families, whether they be good or bad characters, such as anger, patience, courteous, politeness, etc.
May Allah give us tawfiq. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends,
I pray that you are well.
If you sit in a criminal court that deal with domestic violence cases, you will be scared--scared that our kids could be the ones in that defendant's chair. May Allah protect our children and our families from this calamity. Ameen.
I was in a courtroom yesterday and there came a young woman in handcuffs and shackles. She was 19 years old, about 115 lbs, charged with attempted murder of her marine husband, who was said to be about 225 lbs. How this happened? They got into a fight and she was accused of taking a kitchen knife and sliced her husband's finger. Her husband was holding their infant child when this happened. One of the things the court looked at on whether or not a parent can have contact with a child in domestic violence cases is whether or not the child was present during the fight. She was denied contact with her infant child.
Young people are becoming angrier and angrier it seems. Indeed, our families are not immune from this. But there are things we can do to avoid this from escalating to violence. We must avoid this from happening to our families at all cost.
One of the goals of marriage is to produce a generation of new Muslims to carry on the message of Islam. We can't fulfill this goal if we ignore our responsibilities towards Allah. Raising them to worship Allah alone is our responsibility. You can't teach them this if you yourself don't live Islam. Praying five times a day and fasting in the month of Ramadhan is not sufficient to bring Islam into the family.
The family is the first source of guidance and happiness for these children. If the children are brought up where they can see displeasure and unhappiness of their parents, and the stress and problems within the family, this will affect their behavior and could lead to violent behaviors.
The institution of marriage is sacred in Islam, meaning people should not get married without knowledge of this institution. Your child cannot enter a college without completing the grades in school and you don't pick a college for your child without knowledge of the college. Likewise, marriage is similar, you have to prepare your child at a very early stage as they will one day enter this institution. First and foremost is to teach them good character.
Character is of extreme importance in Islam. It goes hand in hand with faith and piety.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "I have been sent to complete righteous character." (Ahmad)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Piety and righteousness is being of good character." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "There is nothing heavier on the believer's scale on the Day of Judgment than good character." (Tirmidhi)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "The believers with the most complete Iman are the ones with the best behavior." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud)
"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." Qur'an An-Noor 26
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A woman is married because of her religiousness, wealth or beauty. So go for the one who is religious and may your hands be filled with dust (that is, may you prosper)." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or ward), then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth and great deal of evil." (Tirmidhi, ibn Majah)
Prospective spouses must ask and find out about the other person's behavior and manners. A sign of this, look at the other person's family's manners and behaviors as many times, although not always, the behaviors of people of the same family are similar. There are some characteristics that run in some families, whether they be good or bad characters, such as anger, patience, courteous, politeness, etc.
May Allah give us tawfiq. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Taking for granted
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well
Marriage is one of the heaviest sunnas to bear and most difficult rights to fulfill while being the most complete of matters in benefit and the greatest of virtues in reward. In it is the protection of the religion, perfection of character and the pride of the Master of creation.
It is reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "When a slave married, he has completed half of the religion, so let him fear Allah in the remaining half."
May Allah help you all who are married. And for those who are not married and thinking about getting married, first thing is to learn about marriage. It becomes obligatory upon you to seek this knowledge once you intend to get married. You don't start swimming when you haven't learned how to swim. You will drown. Marriage is the same. If you are married and haven't learn it, you need to learn it now, especially if you are drowning--this knowledge will help you inshaAllah. Tawfiq.
Marriage is not about seeking or demanding your rights. It is about working together to help each other come closer to Allah. If this is not happening in your marriage, you ought to take a look at it seriously and fix it because this is not a good marriage.
Don't take each other for granted. If a man has a righteous and modest wife, he should be grateful. Realize that it is a blessing he is not able to thank Allah for. It is a huge relief of a mountain of headache by having a righteous and modest wife. Imagine having to keep thinking about his wife running off with a man while he is at work! So, bear her argumentation and overbearingness patiently as it is not seemly for a man to argue with his wife. A wife should not forget the favors of her husband, no matter how slight. She should see her shortcomings in serving him.
Allah bring you together for a purpose--to know Him and to worship Him--so seek to please Allah and no one else. When you do something for your spouse, you do it for Allah, not because your spouse deserves it, not because you expect something from the other person. Leave the reward to Allah--His treasure is greater. If you don't fulfill your duties, remember who you are displeasing more--Allah.
Something to reflect on...
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes" was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"
May Allah bless your day. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well
Marriage is one of the heaviest sunnas to bear and most difficult rights to fulfill while being the most complete of matters in benefit and the greatest of virtues in reward. In it is the protection of the religion, perfection of character and the pride of the Master of creation.
It is reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "When a slave married, he has completed half of the religion, so let him fear Allah in the remaining half."
May Allah help you all who are married. And for those who are not married and thinking about getting married, first thing is to learn about marriage. It becomes obligatory upon you to seek this knowledge once you intend to get married. You don't start swimming when you haven't learned how to swim. You will drown. Marriage is the same. If you are married and haven't learn it, you need to learn it now, especially if you are drowning--this knowledge will help you inshaAllah. Tawfiq.
Marriage is not about seeking or demanding your rights. It is about working together to help each other come closer to Allah. If this is not happening in your marriage, you ought to take a look at it seriously and fix it because this is not a good marriage.
Don't take each other for granted. If a man has a righteous and modest wife, he should be grateful. Realize that it is a blessing he is not able to thank Allah for. It is a huge relief of a mountain of headache by having a righteous and modest wife. Imagine having to keep thinking about his wife running off with a man while he is at work! So, bear her argumentation and overbearingness patiently as it is not seemly for a man to argue with his wife. A wife should not forget the favors of her husband, no matter how slight. She should see her shortcomings in serving him.
Allah bring you together for a purpose--to know Him and to worship Him--so seek to please Allah and no one else. When you do something for your spouse, you do it for Allah, not because your spouse deserves it, not because you expect something from the other person. Leave the reward to Allah--His treasure is greater. If you don't fulfill your duties, remember who you are displeasing more--Allah.
Something to reflect on...
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes" was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"
May Allah bless your day. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
Sunday, March 14, 2010
People's secrets
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
I pray that you are well.
Occasionally, I have clients who asked me if he/she should tape his/her spouse and worse when they brought me tape recordings of their spouses/partners. Sometimes they gave me hard copy of private emails of their spouses/partners and other similar material, and photos and the like. They thought they could use them to win their cases or at a minimum, make the other side look bad in public. What do you think my reaction was?!
This evidence would not be admissible to prove the truth of the matter as they were obtained without permission of the other party. Further, this sort of evidence can easily be tampered and placed out of context. Even if there is a remote chance that this evidence is admissible in court to prove other than the truth of the matter, I would not have used them and so there was no need for me to view/listen/read them.
So why not? Isn't this is part of my job? Absolutely not! My eyes were not created to look at people's secrets or other people's private information without their consent. My ears were not created to eavesdrop. Ironically, it was a little easier to convey this message to my non-Muslim clients than to my Muslim clients.
When a man or woman decided to tape or hack into his/her spouse's email, they think they have the upper hand. But to me, it clearly shows that the marriage is a goner. When there is no trust or respect in a relationship or marriage to a point one have a need to tape or hack into the other spouse's email, there is only one solution--divorce. My job, as a legal representative, is one and only one--to make the exit as subtle and private as possible--the whole world, including me and their children don't need to see/hear the dirty laundry. He/she does not have to convince me that he/she is good and his/her spouse is bad. I am not the judge. The judging is best left in the hands of the Just Judge, al-Adl al-Hakam.
Unfortunately, technology has made it easier for people to pry into other people's lives--good or bad. While before people have to look through a peephole, hire agencies or private investigators to get people's information, now with a few keystrokes in the privacy of their own homes people can retrieve a lot of information about somebody. Even though nobody sees what you are doing, Allah is the all-Seer, He sees what you do. Even though you will not be prosecuted for the invasion of privacy, you have no right to the information, no matter how trivial, without explicit consent of the owner of the information, even if they are public records or on the web. Remember one day you are going to answer to Allah. Only Allah look at people's deeds and secrets--sins and otherwise. If you happen to see the secret of people, close your eyes. You don't want to spread what you know of others either and if you do, Allah will eventually seek your secret and expose them even the ones in your own house. Don't waste your time looking for or at people's secrets--spend that time in remembrance of Allah instead. Say SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar and many other dhikr instead.
May Allah grant us taqwa. Ameen. Please do not forget me in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
I pray that you are well.
Occasionally, I have clients who asked me if he/she should tape his/her spouse and worse when they brought me tape recordings of their spouses/partners. Sometimes they gave me hard copy of private emails of their spouses/partners and other similar material, and photos and the like. They thought they could use them to win their cases or at a minimum, make the other side look bad in public. What do you think my reaction was?!
This evidence would not be admissible to prove the truth of the matter as they were obtained without permission of the other party. Further, this sort of evidence can easily be tampered and placed out of context. Even if there is a remote chance that this evidence is admissible in court to prove other than the truth of the matter, I would not have used them and so there was no need for me to view/listen/read them.
So why not? Isn't this is part of my job? Absolutely not! My eyes were not created to look at people's secrets or other people's private information without their consent. My ears were not created to eavesdrop. Ironically, it was a little easier to convey this message to my non-Muslim clients than to my Muslim clients.
When a man or woman decided to tape or hack into his/her spouse's email, they think they have the upper hand. But to me, it clearly shows that the marriage is a goner. When there is no trust or respect in a relationship or marriage to a point one have a need to tape or hack into the other spouse's email, there is only one solution--divorce. My job, as a legal representative, is one and only one--to make the exit as subtle and private as possible--the whole world, including me and their children don't need to see/hear the dirty laundry. He/she does not have to convince me that he/she is good and his/her spouse is bad. I am not the judge. The judging is best left in the hands of the Just Judge, al-Adl al-Hakam.
Unfortunately, technology has made it easier for people to pry into other people's lives--good or bad. While before people have to look through a peephole, hire agencies or private investigators to get people's information, now with a few keystrokes in the privacy of their own homes people can retrieve a lot of information about somebody. Even though nobody sees what you are doing, Allah is the all-Seer, He sees what you do. Even though you will not be prosecuted for the invasion of privacy, you have no right to the information, no matter how trivial, without explicit consent of the owner of the information, even if they are public records or on the web. Remember one day you are going to answer to Allah. Only Allah look at people's deeds and secrets--sins and otherwise. If you happen to see the secret of people, close your eyes. You don't want to spread what you know of others either and if you do, Allah will eventually seek your secret and expose them even the ones in your own house. Don't waste your time looking for or at people's secrets--spend that time in remembrance of Allah instead. Say SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar and many other dhikr instead.
May Allah grant us taqwa. Ameen. Please do not forget me in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)