In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
People are getting angrier and angrier -- more likely than ever before both to feel angry and to express anger. There are angry people in stores, in supermarkets, on buses, at restaurants, in airports, in hospitals, in schools, on campuses, on the streets, in Youtube Islamic channels and even in masjids ... Is nowhere safe anymore from our anger? How and why did we become such Angry People?
The other night, people were arguing and shouting outside my apartment and it felt like they were not going to stop. I prayed that they would stop. Last night someone rang my doorbell and my son went to open the door and a man who was at the door yelled at him accusing him of something he did not do...apparently the guy was mistaken...but no apology.
Where did all this anger and impatience come from? Why are so many people walking around with such short fuses? Is it the war, civil unrests, protests, that everybody wishes were over? 911? Islamophobia?
Why the increasing rage? One reason is that we have raised expectations. We have much higher expectations of our world; we believe we have the right to expect things to go well, indeed, to be perfect, that we should receive superlative service in all aspects of our life--from our parents/our spouses all the way to the world leaders. And when, as is inevitable, reality falls short of these expectations, we feel that we have the right to get angry about it.
At the same time that we have become more demanding. We are also living a more frenetic and frantic pace of life, which means our stress levels are raised. This raised stress means that our tolerance for things going wrong is dramatically reduced. Things that go wrong often appear to conspire to stop us achieving some objective whether that be knowledge, work or pleasure-based.
The things that make us angry tend to fall into a small range of categories; things that frustrate us and stop us reaching our goals, unmet expectations, perceived injustice or abuse. Our tolerance for all of these is likely to be low when the stress levels are high, and we feel entitled not only to feel angry, but to express that anger when we feel that these rights have been violated.
Daily expressions of anger could be symptoms of the anxious times we live in. Perhaps people are living in a constant state of tension and fear about the world. But we feel frustrated and angry because we don't know what we can do to change things. And these feelings have to go somewhere, so we vent our anger at the innocent neighbor kid.
What, then, can we do to become calmer and to take life's frustrations more easily in our stride? Clearly, we need to lower our expectations and not only accept, but expect that not everything will go as it should. This doesn't mean we have to be a door mat, but that we can be able to deal more calmly with things when they go wrong. Lowering our general stress levels will also mean that we can tolerate everyday disappointments better and not fly off the handle at relatively minor frustrations.
If it's understandable for us to be tense and angry these days, what can we do about it? Well, while we pressure world leaders to make this a safer planet, we can at least take a deep breath now and then to calm down.
Remember this world is not worth it. Remember that life is short and temporary, and the everlasting life is in the Hereafter.
وَمَا هَـٰذِهِ الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا لَهْوٌ وَلَعِبٌ ۚ وَإِنَّ الدَّارَ الْآخِرَةَ لَهِيَ الْحَيَوَانُ ۚ لَوْ كَانُوا يَعْلَمُونَ ﴿٦٤﴾[Qur'an Al-Ankabut 29:64]
And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter - that is the [eternal] life, if only they knew. (64)
وُجُوهٌ يَوْمَئِذٍ نَّاضِرَةٌ ﴿٢٢﴾ إِلَىٰ رَبِّهَا نَاظِرَةٌ ﴿٢٣﴾ وَوُجُوهٌ يَوْمَئِذٍ بَاسِرَةٌ ﴿٢٤﴾ تَظُنُّ أَن يُفْعَلَ بِهَا فَاقِرَةٌ ﴿٢٥[Qur'an Al-Qiyamah 75:22-24]
[Some] faces, that Day, will be radiant, (22) Looking at their Lord. (23) And [some] faces, that Day, will be contorted, (24)
Our Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, advised us to not be angry. One man asked the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, to give him advice three times and each time he answered him, "Don't be angry."
So, don't get mad, get even-tempered. Your health (and people around you) will thank you for it.
Remember all the blessings you have and thank Allah for them.
فَبِأَيِّ آلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ﴿٧٧﴾ تَبَارَكَ اسْمُ رَبِّكَ ذِي الْجَلَالِ وَالْإِكْرَامِ ﴿٧٨[Qur'an Ar-Rahman 55:77-78]
So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (77) Blessed is the name of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor. (78)
Anger opens the door to all bad qualities and staying away from it opens the door to all good qualities. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Anger is an ember of fire." One of the Prophet’s companions said, “Anger is the key to all evil.” Shaytan overcomes man on three occasions: when he is angry, when he feels lust, and when he is in a state of forgetfulness.
If you are angry, then you should exercise muhasabah (holding the self accountable) for mistakes committed, what led to them, and how to overcome them in the future. Examining the self and holding ourselves accountable is important training and a source of discipline and self-improvement.
وَسَارِعُوا إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا السَّمَاوَاتُ وَالْأَرْضُ أُعِدَّتْ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ ﴿١٣٣﴾ الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿١٣٤[Qur'an AleImran 3:133-134]
And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous (133) Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; (134)
In various hadiths, the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, teaches us methods to help with anger.
Seeking refuge in Allah: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: A'udhu billahi minashaitanir rajim (أَعُوذُ بِاَللهِ مِنَ اَلشَّيْطَانِ اَلرَّجِيمِ) 'I seek Refuge with Allah from the accursed satan' then all his anger will go away." When we seek refuge in Allah, we should say the words with understanding and reflection, not simply recite the words.
Changing posture: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down."
Keeping quiet: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “If one of you becomes angry then he should stay silent.” This is an important practice because when we are angry our actions and speech may be disproportionate and unjust.
Taking wudu': The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created from fire, and fire is extinguished only with water. So when one of you becomes angry, he should make wudu.”
Whenever you are confused, fearful, depressed or stressed out, before Shaytan gets the chance to play on your emotions and make things worse for you, and cause others to be your victims, take a time out. Take this as another opportunity to be close to Allah. Ask Him. He listens.
وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَسْتَكْبِرُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَتِي سَيَدْخُلُونَ جَهَنَّمَ دَاخِرِينَ ﴿٦٠[Qur'an Ghafir 40:60]
And your Lord says: "Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): But those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell in humiliation!"
ادْعُوا رَبَّكُمْ تَضَرُّعًا وَخُفْيَةً ۚ إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُعْتَدِينَ ﴿٥٥﴾ وَلَا تُفْسِدُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ بَعْدَ إِصْلَاحِهَا وَادْعُوهُ خَوْفًا وَطَمَعًا ۚ إِنَّ رَحْمَتَ اللَّـهِ قَرِيبٌ مِّنَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿٥٦[Qur'an al-Araf 7:55-56]
Invoke your Lord with humility and in secret. He likes not the aggressors. And do not do mischief on the earth, after it has been set in order, and invoke Him with fear and hope; Surely, Allah's Mercy is (ever) near unto the good-doers.
May Allah make us of those who are patient and thankful and grant us a calmer and peaceful environment where we can worship Him in peace. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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