Don't Give Up On Your Children

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Many parents tend to think their child is special. And there are parents who go to extremes -- those who think that their child is an angel, who can do no wrong and is free from all sins, and those who think that their child is useless and worthless. Of course, they both are wrong. Our children are human beings. They can do great things and at the same time they can do mistakes. They too are susceptible to the waswasa (whispers) of shaytan.

We have to be concerned that Shaytan will never leave us and our children alone. The waswasa of Shaytan not only come to you but also to your children. Shaytan will never leave us alone. He has promised that he will swarm the children of Adam to destroy them. If he cannot get us directly, he will try to get us through our children. We seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytan.

قَالَ أَرَ‌ءَيْتَكَ هَـٰذَا ٱلَّذِى كَرَّ‌مْتَ عَلَىَّ لَئِنْ أَخَّرْ‌تَنِ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ لَأَحْتَنِكَنَّ ذُرِّ‌يَّتَهُۥٓ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا ﴿٦٢﴾ قَالَ ٱذْهَبْ فَمَن تَبِعَكَ مِنْهُمْ فَإِنَّ جَهَنَّمَ جَزَآؤُكُمْ جَزَآءً مَّوْفُورً‌ۭا ﴿٦٣﴾ وَٱسْتَفْزِزْ مَنِ ٱسْتَطَعْتَ مِنْهُم بِصَوْتِكَ وَأَجْلِبْ عَلَيْهِم بِخَيْلِكَ وَرَ‌جِلِكَ وَشَارِ‌كْهُمْ فِى ٱلْأَمْوَ‌ٰلِ وَٱلْأَوْلَـٰدِ وَعِدْهُمْ ۚ وَمَا يَعِدُهُمُ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ إِلَّا غُرُ‌ورً‌ا ﴿٦٤

[Iblees] said, "Do You see this one whom You have honored above me? If You delay me until the Day of Resurrection, I will surely destroy his descendants, except for a few." (62) [Allah] said, "Go, for whoever of them follows you, indeed Hell will be the recompense of you - an ample recompense. (63) And incite [to senselessness] whoever you can among them with your voice and assault them with your horses and foot soldiers and become a partner in their wealth and their children and promise them." But Satan does not promise them except delusion. (64)

[Qur'an, Al-Isra 17:84]

You should do whatever you can to give your children Islam because that is your duty as parents. But there are very difficult realities that we have to mentally prepare for as parents despite all our efforts to give and teach them Islam. Our children may turn out bad. Even Prophets had bad children -- Prophet Nuh has a bad child, Prophet Ya'qub has many bad children. Why?

إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِى مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَهْدِى مَن يَشَآءُ ۚ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِٱلْمُهْتَدِينَ ﴿٥٦

Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided. (56)

[Qur'an, Al-Qasas 28:56]

We ourselves are not in charge of our own guidance, so how can we be in charge of our children's guidance. We can only be in charge of our responsibility to facilitate that guidance and to open the doors to that guidance, but at the end of it all our children have to lead themselves. In their childhood, we are ultimately responsible to lead them to guidance but in their adulthood they are responsible to guidance.

... لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا ٱكْتَسَبَتْ

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned...

[Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:286]

They are some people who are practically spiritually dead. Even the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) was told that he can't make people listen. If the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) can't make people listen, how then can we make someone listen.

Allah Almighty says,

فَإِنَّكَ لَا تُسْمِعُ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ وَلَا تُسْمِعُ ٱلصُّمَّ ٱلدُّعَآءَ إِذَا وَلَّوْا۟ مُدْبِرِ‌ينَ ﴿٥٢﴾ وَمَآ أَنتَ بِهَـٰدِ ٱلْعُمْىِ عَن ضَلَـٰلَتِهِمْ ۖ إِن تُسْمِعُ إِلَّا مَن يُؤْمِنُ بِـَٔايَـٰتِنَا فَهُم مُّسْلِمُونَ ﴿٥٣

So indeed, you will not make the dead hear, nor will you make the deaf hear the call when they turn their backs, retreating. (52) And you cannot guide the blind away from their error. You will only make hear those who believe in Our verses so they are Muslims [in submission to Allah]. (53)

[Qur'an Ar-Rum 30:52]

But we are not the ones who can decide if someone is a hopeless case or not. Allah can bring anything back to life, physically and spiritually.

أَوْ كَٱلَّذِى مَرَّ‌ عَلَىٰ قَرْ‌يَةٍ وَهِىَ خَاوِيَةٌ عَلَىٰ عُرُ‌وشِهَا قَالَ أَنَّىٰ يُحْىِۦ هَـٰذِهِ ٱللَّهُ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا ۖ فَأَمَاتَهُ ٱللَّهُ مِا۟ئَةَ عَامٍ ثُمَّ بَعَثَهُۥ ۖ قَالَ كَمْ لَبِثْتَ ۖ قَالَ لَبِثْتُ يَوْمًا أَوْ بَعْضَ يَوْمٍ ۖ قَالَ بَل لَّبِثْتَ مِا۟ئَةَ عَامٍ فَٱنظُرْ‌ إِلَىٰ طَعَامِكَ وَشَرَ‌ابِكَ لَمْ يَتَسَنَّهْ ۖ وَٱنظُرْ‌ إِلَىٰ حِمَارِ‌كَ وَلِنَجْعَلَكَ ءَايَةً لِّلنَّاسِ ۖ وَٱنظُرْ‌ إِلَى ٱلْعِظَامِ كَيْفَ نُنشِزُهَا ثُمَّ نَكْسُوهَا لَحْمًا ۚ فَلَمَّا تَبَيَّنَ لَهُۥ قَالَ أَعْلَمُ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍ قَدِيرٌ‌ۭ ﴿٢٥٩

Or [consider such an example] as the one who passed by a township which had fallen into ruin. He said, "How will Allah bring this to life after its death?" So Allah caused him to die for a hundred years; then He revived him. He said, "How long have you remained?" The man said, "I have remained a day or part of a day." He said, "Rather, you have remained one hundred years. Look at your food and your drink; it has not changed with time. And look at your donkey; and We will make you a sign for the people. And look at the bones [of this donkey] - how We raise them and then We cover them with flesh." And when it became clear to him, he said, "I know that Allah is over all things competent." (259)

[Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:259]

Hearts can die but Allah can bring hearts back to life. Allah gives many examples in the Qur'an about life coming out of death.

أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَن تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ‌ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا نَزَلَ مِنَ ٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا يَكُونُوا۟ كَٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُوا۟ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مِن قَبْلُ فَطَالَ عَلَيْهِمُ ٱلْأَمَدُ فَقَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ ۖ وَكَثِيرٌ‌ۭ مِّنْهُمْ فَـٰسِقُونَ ﴿١٦﴾ ٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحْىِ ٱلْأَرْ‌ضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا ۚ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ ٱلْءَايَـٰتِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ ﴿١٧

Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (16) Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. We have made clear to you the signs; perhaps you will understand. (17)

[Qur'an, Al-Hadid 57:17]

Allah tells us if He can bring dead earth to life, He can bring dead heart to life. So don't give up on people especially your own children. Make du'a for them.

May Allah guide us and guide our children. Ameen.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazak Allahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam