Talking to Our Children About Homosexuality

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Homosexuality and gay marriages have become increasingly visible, moving from acceptance and normalization to celebration and promotion. This is happening in every area of life, from education to entertainment, from the media to the marketplace, and from cities and states to courts. As of 1 January 2015, about seventeen countries allow same-sex couples to marry. Polls show rising support for legally recognizing same-sex marriage in America and most of Europe.

Our children, if they don't see it, they hear it. Children typically spend anywhere from 900-1,000 hours a year in school, which means by the time they graduate from high school, they’ve spent over 11,000 hours in the classroom. Add in the time spent texting, on the Internet, watching television and movies and playing video games, and it adds up to a lot of hours of influence from various cultures. And most of it isn’t coming from a Muslim or Islamic perspective.

How do we protect our children from the fitnah that are all around us?

Make Du'a

Prophet Lut (alayhissalaam) suffered from this fitnah.

وَلُوطًا إِذْ قَالَ لِقَوْمِهِۦٓ أَتَأْتُونَ ٱلْفَـٰحِشَةَ وَأَنتُمْ تُبْصِرُ‌ونَ ﴿٥٤﴾ أَئِنَّكُمْ لَتَأْتُونَ ٱلرِّ‌جَالَ شَهْوَةً مِّن دُونِ ٱلنِّسَآءِ ۚ بَلْ أَنتُمْ قَوْمٌ تَجْهَلُونَ ﴿٥٥
فَمَا كَانَ جَوَابَ قَوْمِهِۦٓ إِلَّآ أَن قَالُوٓا۟ أَخْرِ‌جُوٓا۟ ءَالَ لُوطٍ مِّن قَرْ‌يَتِكُمْ ۖ إِنَّهُمْ أُنَاسٌ يَتَطَهَّرُ‌ونَ ﴿٥٦

And [mention] Lot, when he said to his people, "Do you commit immorality while you are seeing? (54) Do you indeed approach men with desire instead of women? Rather, you are a people behaving ignorantly." (55) But the answer of his people was not except that they said, "Expel the family of Lot from your city. Indeed, they are people who keep themselves pure." (56)

[Qur'an, An-Naml 27:55-56]

He was so worried about what was happening outside with his people and he made this du'a. It is recorded in the Qur'an for us.

رَ‌بِّ نَجِّنِى وَأَهْلِى مِمَّا يَعْمَلُونَ ﴿١٦٩﴾

My Lord, save me and my family from [the consequence of] what they do." (169)

[Qur'an, Ash-Shu'ara 26:169]

When people do evil things it starts to contaminate the society. Prophet Lut made this du'a asking Allah to rescue him and his family from the evil actions of his people, i.e asking Allah "to not make us the victims of their crimes, to keep us from doing what they do, and to keep us away from the harms of their actions." Then Allah rescued him and his family.

فَنَجَّيْنَـٰهُ وَأَهْلَهُۥٓ أَجْمَعِينَ ﴿١٧٠﴾ إِلَّا عَجُوزًا فِى ٱلْغَـٰبِرِ‌ينَ ﴿١٧١﴾ ثُمَّ دَمَّرْ‌نَا ٱلْءَاخَرِ‌ينَ ﴿١٧٢﴾ وَأَمْطَرْ‌نَا عَلَيْهِم مَّطَرً‌ۭا ۖ فَسَآءَ مَطَرُ‌ ٱلْمُنذَرِ‌ينَ ﴿١٧٣﴾ إِنَّ فِى ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَءَايَةً ۖ وَمَا كَانَ أَكْثَرُ‌هُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ ﴿١٧٤

So We saved him and his family, all, (170) Except an old woman among those who remained behind. (171) Then We destroyed the others. (172) And We rained upon them a rain [of stones], and evil was the rain of those who were warned. (173) Indeed in that is a sign, but most of them were not to be believers. (174)

[Qur'an, Ash-Shu'ara 26:170-174]


Spend in the Cause of Allah

Allah Almighty says,

هَـٰٓأَنتُمْ هَـٰٓؤُلَآءِ تُدْعَوْنَ لِتُنفِقُوا۟ فِى سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ فَمِنكُم مَّن يَبْخَلُ ۖ وَمَن يَبْخَلْ فَإِنَّمَا يَبْخَلُ عَن نَّفْسِهِۦ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ ٱلْغَنِىُّ وَأَنتُمُ ٱلْفُقَرَ‌آءُ ۚ وَإِن تَتَوَلَّوْا۟ يَسْتَبْدِلْ قَوْمًا غَيْرَ‌كُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَكُونُوٓا۟ أَمْثَـٰلَكُم ﴿٣٨

Here you are - those invited to spend in the cause of Allah - but among you are those who withhold [out of greed]. And whoever withholds only withholds [benefit] from himself; and Allah is the Free of need, while you are the needy. And if you turn away, He will replace you with another people; then they will not be the likes of you. (38)

[Qur'an, Muhammad 47:38]

This is a reminder for us, especially for those parents who wouldn't mind spending their entire savings for their children's secular education but nickel-and-dime to death when it comes to spending for their children's Islamic education and for promoting Islam. Spending in the path of Allah keeps us from being replaced and then their children will be honored instead to carry Islam further.

You see, Allah doesn't need us but we need Him. He has destroyed great nations before due to their shirk and kufr. However, when the destruction of the nations are narrated, the salvation of those who believed is mentioned, too. The following verses can be given as examples regarding the issue:

وَأَنجَيْنَا مُوسَىٰ وَمَن مَّعَهُۥٓ أَجْمَعِينَ ﴿٦٥﴾ ثُمَّ أَغْرَ‌قْنَا ٱلْءَاخَرِ‌ينَ ﴿٦٦﴾ إِنَّ فِى ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَءَايَةً ۖ وَمَا كَانَ أَكْثَرُ‌هُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٦٧

And We saved Moses and those with him, all together. (65) Then We drowned the others. (66) Indeed in that is a sign, but most of them were not to be believers. (67)“We delivered Moses and all who were with him; But We drowned the others.”

[Qur'an, ash-Shu'ara 26:65-66]

فَأَنجَيْنَـٰهُ وَمَن مَّعَهُۥ فِى ٱلْفُلْكِ ٱلْمَشْحُونِ ﴿١١٩﴾ ثُمَّ أَغْرَ‌قْنَا بَعْدُ ٱلْبَاقِينَ ﴿١٢٠﴾ إِنَّ فِى ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَءَايَةً ۖ وَمَا كَانَ أَكْثَرُ‌هُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ ﴿١٢١

So We saved him and those with him in the laden ship. (119) Then We drowned thereafter the remaining ones. (120) Indeed in that is a sign, but most of them were not to be believers. (121)

[Qur'an, ash-Shu'ara 26:119-121]

وَمَكَرُ‌وا۟ مَكْرً‌ۭا وَمَكَرْ‌نَا مَكْرً‌ۭا وَهُمْ لَا يَشْعُرُ‌ونَ ﴿٥٠﴾ فَٱنظُرْ‌ كَيْفَ كَانَ عَـٰقِبَةُ مَكْرِ‌هِمْ أَنَّا دَمَّرْ‌نَـٰهُمْ وَقَوْمَهُمْ أَجْمَعِينَ ﴿٥١﴾ فَتِلْكَ بُيُوتُهُمْ خَاوِيَةًۢ بِمَا ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۗ إِنَّ فِى ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَءَايَةً لِّقَوْمٍ يَعْلَمُونَ ﴿٥٢﴾ وَأَنجَيْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَكَانُوا۟ يَتَّقُونَ ﴿٥٣

And they planned a plan, and We planned a plan, while they perceived not. (50) Then look how was the outcome of their plan - that We destroyed them and their people, all. (51) So those are their houses, desolate because of the wrong they had done. Indeed in that is a sign for people who know. (52) And We saved those who believed and used to fear Allah. (53)

[Qur'an, An-Naml 27:50-53]

Keep the Conversation Open with Your Children

We ourselves should have an age appropriate conversation with our children about homosexuality and we should not shy away from it. The reality is, if you don’t, someone else probably will—or already is. And you may not like what they have to say. Before your children are even aware of homosexuality, begin by giving them the Islamic perspective about life. For young children, this may be done through reading Islamic story books to them.

We always want to start with what’s good when talking about difficult subjects, so we begin by teaching our children about our creation and the purpose of life. That gives us a foundation for then discussing any problem issues.

Your children need to hear from you directly that they may safely talk to you about difficult issues. Don’t assume: Ask questions, listen well and encourage them to speak freely.

May Allah protect us us and our families from His warth, and not leave us alone even for a blinking of an eye. Ameen.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Pleased don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazak Allahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam