بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
‘Ata' ibn Abi Rabah, Mufti of Makkah (d. 114/732), of the generation that followed that of the prophetic Companions (Sahaba) said of them, “They used to dislike talking more than necessary, and considered “more than necessary” to mean more than your reciting the Qur’an, enjoining the right, forbidding the wrong, or speaking about making a living, in the amount strictly necessary.”
Allah blessed us with a very precious gift: the gift of talking. The gift of language. The gift of being able to express our feelings, emotions, ideas or plans into something called words. But, alas, as with every gift, overusing it may lead to unexpected results.
The harm that can come out of our tongues is so immense that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) urged us to restrain our tongues.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily the slave will say a word he thinks nothing of that Allah loves, for which Allah raises him whole degrees. And verily the slave will say a word he thinks nothing of that Allah detests, for which he plummets into hell” [Bukhari].
Speaking and listening in a balanced way are imperative in our world. The noise of useless words that many of us are throwing away in an attempt to get a grip on someone else’s attention, creates a thick fog that makes it really difficult to actually understand each other. Ironically, the more we talk, the less we’re able to communicate.
Read on about these 6 benefits of speaking less and listening more and improve the way you communicate with the world.
Think Before You Speak
So obvious, yet so underused. Under the impulse of “taking the stage,” of speaking before the other one could make his moves, we often open our mouth without really knowing what we’re going to say. Sometimes we improvise and it may turn out right. But most of the time, we’re just shouting randomly about a topic, without any quality contribution to the conversation. The result: no one really listen to us.
Take a deep breathe before you respond, no matter how “urgent” the answer may look. Think for a while. Keep in mind the thought that you really have has many options, not just one. Ponder and your answer will not only be well thought out but people will be more apt to listen.
A believer acts with purpose. Whoever is careful with the consequences remain safe. Act only upon due consideration. Think through and play out in your mind first what you want to say before uttering a word.
Remember,
مَّا يَلْفِظُ مِن قَوْلٍ إِلَّا لَدَيْهِ رَقِيبٌ عَتِيدٌ
Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it). [Qur'an, Qaf 50:18].
Listen Before Jumping To Conclusions
Again, the “need for speed” of our current world often forces us to simplify our interactions, to the point where they become useless. Based on just a few words, or a few sentences, we often create a perspective on some thing or some person, which may simply be inaccurate because we didn’t take the time to actually listen.
Really listening means not only giving to the other the time to finish his speech, but also the exercise of “borrowing” his perspective. Listening means to actually see things from their point of view.
Limit Yourself To What’s Important
The infamous “information overload” created by the internet revolution is not about the quantity of the information available out there. But merely about the relevance of that information. Every time you update your Facebook timeline, or you publish a blog post, or you simply open your mouth to say something, you’re adding up to this fog. Have you ever tried to contemplate if what you’re going to say is really that important? Sometimes, silence really IS golden.
Silence is dignified and pure. It also draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit together without speaking. It seems only the old are able to sit alone or next to one another and not say anything and still feel content, and the young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence.
When you are silent, you don't need to put yourself in a position to defend or apologize. If you talk too much, even talking about yourself, you can create fitnah, not only for yourself, but also for others. If it is something good, they might be envious or jealous of you. If you are silent, you will have less enemies and less headaches. Watch out talking while driving...how many times couples get into arguments in the car?
Abu Hurayrah relates that Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
This hadith is showing us three qualities that are among the many qualities of faith, the first to speak good or remain silent. A person who fails to fulfill any of the conditions mentioned in the hadith is a person whose faith is incomplete and in need of improvement.
He (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “Whoever is silent is saved” [Ahmad].
Too often, the reason is that we’re talking is simply just to hear our voices, no matter if we do this out loud, by writing emails or updating our Twitter or status on social media. Imagine how silent it would be out there if we could just limit ourselves only to what’s really important.
It is said that nine-tenths of well being are in silence and that tribulations are connected to speech. Ali ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Beware of being disobedient to Allah when you are alone, for surely the One who witnesses is also the One who judges. Well-being consists of ten parts; nine of them are in being silent – except in the remembrance of Allah – and one of them is in leaving the company of the foolish.
Get To Know Others Better
And that means doing things together, not only talking about things together. Getting up from the couch and do a short team jog, watching the sunset together, silently, playing a game, or having a meal. All these are actions that, apart from the main benefit of enjoying life, have also a secondary, very important outcome: they help you understand other people better.
Create A Better Reality
When you speak less, you do more. It’s obvious. Your focus switches from talking to doing. While talking and expressing your feelings is important, ‘doing’ is equally important. If you could refrain yourself from talking for 10 minutes a day, in a month you will have gained 30 days x 10 minutes = 300 minutes, 5 hours for yourself. What would you do with this time?
Whatever you want, of course within the limits of Islam. You can go to the gym, cook for your spouse, craft something in the garage, coach someone, help a neighbor, have fun with your children, read (the Qur'an, Seerah, hadith, etc), listen to Qur'an or Islamic lecture, memorize a few short du'as, memorize some Qur'an, learn some Arabic, you name it. As long as your goal is to make the world a better place, doing will always beat speaking.
One of the righteous said, “I imposed on myself to pray two cycles of prayer for every word that doesn’t concern me, but that proved easy for me, so then I imposed on myself to fast a day for every word that doesn’t concern me, but that proved easy for me and I didn’t desist, so then I imposed on myself to give one silver coin in charity for every word that doesn’t concern me, and I found that tough.”
Imam al-Ghazali mentions, “The definition of speech that does not concern you is that you say words that had you been silent instead you would neither sin, nor suffer in your state or wealth. An example of this is that you sit with a people and mention to them of your travels and what you saw in them of mountains and rivers and what circumstance you experienced, and what you enjoyed of food and clothing, and those Shaykhs and incidents that impressed you – these are all matters that had you been silent instead, you would neither sin nor suffer. Even if you exerted yourself to not mix this account with falsehood from addition or subtraction, nor praising yourself through boasting of the tremendous matters that you experienced, nor backbiting or speaking ill of something Allah created, you have still wasting your time – and how on earth can you be safe from the sins that we have mentioned?”
So, avoid talking too much, as plentiful speech is not free from mistakes. Excessive speech, beyond what is needed, is considered speech that doesn’t concern a person as is asking questions about what is not important. He shouldn’t deem his words of no consequence, even if they be few.
Write More
It’s still a form of expressing yourself, but it has a few perks. If you write, you’re more accountable. Written words last more than spoken words. Also, you will clear your mind without the help of somebody else. Writing in a journal or blogging, as long as you follow the number one rule of this list, (“think before you do it”).
And when you’re writing, something very interesting will happen: you will be forced to “listen” to yourself. You will be exposed to your own thoughts and emotions. You will get to know yourself better. Or, to be more precise, you will start to discover who you are.
We live in an interesting world. Too much overpromise and underdelivery. But world-class leaders and true believers are different. Remarkably so. They talk less. And do more. They are masterful at execution. They are acutely focused on what’s most important.
May Allah moist our tongues with His remembrance, help us talk less and do more good deeds, and grant us beautiful speech. Ameen.
And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
Wassalaam
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