Tears That Destroy

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Many of us have been stricken with grief and depression many times- losing a loved one, a financial downturn, a cheating spouse, a difficult child, academic failures, wars and natural disasters, and so on.

We must acknowledge that life is painful and full of problems. Learning how to cope with that reality is a means of survival. However, dwelling on problems by talking about them endlessly is the worst way to deal with the pain of living. When the world of professional psychology was telling us to “let it all out,” “talk it through,” and “share the pain,” the Qur'an was making a distinction between constructive sadness and destructive sadness and telling us not to despair.

The Qur'an doesn’t necessarily condemn those who grieve, weep, or experience despair. It does, however, makes a distinction between destructive sadness and the sadness that leads to joy.

What is destructive sadness? Quite simply, any sadness founded on a lie.

No one can ever love me, not even Allah!
I’ve sinned so badly that I can’t be forgiven!
I can’t be happy unless I get the thing I want!
I’ve lost something I love, and so I can never be happy again!

This is a line of thinking that believers must deliberately abandon.

The Qur'an portrays all of these as lies of the shaytan, the erroneous thinking of those who’ve turned away, and the last refuge of those who refuse to believe in the great compassion of their Creator. Before the coming of the Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace) this was the normal state of much of humanity.

وَإِن كَانُوا مِن قَبْلِ أَن يُنَزَّلَ عَلَيْهِم مِّن قَبْلِهِ لَمُبْلِسِينَ ﴿٤٩

Although they were, before it was sent down upon them - before that, in despair. (49) [Qur'an, Ar-Rum 30:49]

قَالَ وَمَن يَقْنَطُ مِن رَّ‌حْمَةِ رَ‌بِّهِ إِلَّا الضَّالُّونَ ﴿٥٦

He said, "And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except for those astray?" (56) [Qur'an, Al-Hijr 15:56]

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَ‌فُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّ‌حْمَةِ اللَّـهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ يَغْفِرُ‌ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ‌ الرَّ‌حِيمُ ﴿٥٣

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (53) [Qur'an, Az-Zumar 39:53]

قَالُوا بَشَّرْ‌نَاكَ بِالْحَقِّ فَلَا تَكُن مِّنَ الْقَانِطِينَ ﴿٥٥

They said, ‘We have given you good tidings in truth, so do not be of the despairing.’ [Qur'an, Al-Hijr 15:55]

When calamity strikes us, we should not despair. Instead, we should feel honored because we are similar to the righteous servants of Allah, of whom were the Prophets; all of them were put through trials and tests. Prophet Ibrahim and his son (peace be upon them) were both tested in a most severe way. Allah commanded Prophet Ibrahim to sacrifice his son, Prophet Ismail. This command no doubt was very difficult for Prophet Ibrahim, and he no doubt was very saddened by the thought of losing his son again (when Ismail was an infant, Allah commanded Ibrahim to leave him and his mother in the uninhabited desert of Makkah). But Prophet Ibrahim patiently persevered and obeyed Allah. And Ismail was obedient to his father and remained patient.

This test that Allah put Prophet Ibrahim through was to test his determination. If Prophet Ibrahim or his son had been weak in faith, they would have both failed this severe test. Allah rewarded them with a great reward on account of their strong faith and obedience to Him; right before Prophet Ibrahim struck his son, a ram appeared and Allah told him to sacrifice it instead. As a reward, Allah promised to establish them as leaders on earth. Allah says of Prophet Ibrahim and his son:

فَلَمَّا أَسْلَمَا وَتَلَّهُ لِلْجَبِينِ ﴿١٠٣﴾ وَنَادَيْنَاهُ أَن يَا إِبْرَ‌اهِيمُ ﴿١٠٤﴾ قَدْ صَدَّقْتَ الرُّ‌ؤْيَا ۚ إِنَّا كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِي الْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿١٠٥﴾ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَهُوَ الْبَلَاءُ الْمُبِينُ ﴿١٠٦

And when they had both submitted and he put him down upon his forehead, (103) We called to him, "O Abraham, (104) You have fulfilled the vision." Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good. (105) Indeed, this was the clear trial. (106) [Qur'an, As-Saffat 37:103-106]

Allah Almighty says:

وَإِذِ ابْتَلَىٰ إِبْرَ‌اهِيمَ رَ‌بُّهُ بِكَلِمَاتٍ فَأَتَمَّهُنَّ ۖ قَالَ إِنِّي جَاعِلُكَ لِلنَّاسِ إِمَامًا ۖ قَالَ وَمِن ذُرِّ‌يَّتِي ۖ قَالَ لَا يَنَالُ عَهْدِي الظَّالِمِينَ ﴿١٢٤

And [mention, O Muhammad], when Abraham was tried by his Lord with commands and he fulfilled them. [Allah] said, "Indeed, I will make you a leader for the people." [Abraham] said, "And of my descendants?" [Allah] said, "My covenant does not include the wrongdoers." (124) [Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:124]

No doubt when Prophet Ibrahim was instructed to sacrifice his son, he might have been reluctant in that regard, but he did it out of obedience to Allah Almighty. This goes to say that even if one may dislike something there may be good in it. Allah says:

وَعَسَىٰ أَن تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ‌ لَّكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ ﴿٢١٦ ....

... But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (216) (Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:216]

All of Allah's prophets were tested; this shows that Allah bestows trials upon His righteous servants, and we should feel honored to be in their company when we are being tested. We should also emulate their behavior, which was to remain steadfast in times of tribulation.

May Allah increase our iman and grant us patience and steadfastness. Ameen.

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Wassalaam