Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Marriage -- Corrupt Women for Corrupt men, Corrupt Men for Corrupt Women...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

It is not seen appropriate that a woman of good morals should marry a man of bad morals. In the same way, it is not permitted for a woman of bad morals to marry a man of good morals:

Allah Almighty says,
ٱلْخَبِيثَـٰتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَٱلْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَـٰتِ ۖ وَٱلطَّيِّبَـٰتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَٱلطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَـٰتِ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ مُبَرَّءُونَ مِمَّا يَقُولُونَ ۖ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ وَرِزْقٌ كَرِيمٌ ﴿٢٦

Corrupt women for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women; good women for good men, and good men for good women -- these are declared quit of what they say; theirs shall be forgiveness and generous provision. (26)
[Qur'an, An-Nur 24:26]

Islam does not allow an adulterer to marry a chaste woman, and it does not allow a chaste man to marry an adulteress. This indicates that such a thing could happen, and indeed it happens often.

Allah Almighty says,
ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ ۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَ‌ٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٣

The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers. (3)
[Qur'an, an-Nur 24:3]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that a woman may be married for her wealth, her beauty, her lineage or her religious commitment, and the fact that he (Allah bless him and grant him peace) encouraged marrying the one who is religiously-committed indicates that marriages could occur for other reasons, so a man might marry a woman who is not like him.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “Woman are married for four things: for their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” [Bukhari, Muslim]

The fact that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) commanded guardians to marry the women under their care to religiously-committed men indicates that something other than that could happen.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or other female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and much corruption.” [at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Maajah]

So the one who is looking for a wife should look for one who is religiously-committed and has a good character; similarly, woman’s guardians should not marry them to anyone but those who are religiously-committed. For a man is influenced by those with whom he keeps company, especially if that lasts for a long time.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friend, so let each of you look at whom he takes as a close friend.” [at-Tirmidhi]

“A man will follow the way of his close friend” i.e., he will follow the habits and path of his friends; “So let each of you look” means, think long and hard about; “whom he takes as a close friend” means, whom he regards as a friend and a brother. So if you like a person’s religious commitment and character, take him as a close friend, and if not, then avoid him. For characteristics are easily copied and keeping company with people has an effect on whether you will be good or bad.

Al-Ghazali said: Sitting with and mixing with one whose interest is worldly gain will make you also seek worldly gains; sitting with and mixing with one who is an ascetic will make you care little for worldly gains, because following characteristics are easily copied and one could copy the characteristics of one's friend without even realizing.

Devout women are depicted as good examples for mankind in the Qur'an. One is Maryam, the mother of Isa (peace be upon them).
وَمَرْيَمَ ٱبْنَتَ عِمْرَ‌ٰنَ ٱلَّتِىٓ أَحْصَنَتْ فَرْجَهَا فَنَفَخْنَا فِيهِ مِن رُّوحِنَا وَصَدَّقَتْ بِكَلِمَـٰتِ رَبِّهَا وَكُتُبِهِۦ وَكَانَتْ مِنَ ٱلْقَـٰنِتِينَ ﴿١٢

And [the example of] Mary, the daughter of 'Imran, who guarded her chastity, so We blew into [her garment] through Our angel, and she believed in the words of her Lord and His scriptures and was of the devoutly obedient. (12)
[Qur'an, At-Tahrim 66:12]

Another is the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh who, despite her husband's wickedness, is also described as an ideal Muslim.
وَضَرَبَ ٱللَّهُ مَثَلًا لِّلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱمْرَأَتَ فِرْعَوْنَ إِذْ قَالَتْ رَبِّ ٱبْنِ لِى عِندَكَ بَيْتًا فِى ٱلْجَنَّةِ وَنَجِّنِى مِن فِرْعَوْنَ وَعَمَلِهِۦ وَنَجِّنِى مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ ﴿١١

And Allah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, "My Lord, build for me near You a house in Paradise and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the wrongdoing people." (11)
[Qur'an, At-Tahrim 66:11]

May Allah make us and our offspring righteous and grant us righteous spouses and companions. Ameen.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.

And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.

Wassalaam

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