بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Ramadhan will come and go but you will find many people stuck to their old bad habits and behavior. The worst of all is being bad to their parents for they risk being turned away from the Mercy of Allah if they die in that state.
It was narrated that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) ascended the minbar and said: “Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, you ascended the minbar and said, ‘Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” He said: “Jibril (peace be upon him) came to me and said: ‘If Ramadhan comes and a person is not forgiven, he will enter Hell and Allah will cast him far away. Say Ameen.’ So I said Ameen. He said: ‘O Muhammad, if both or one of a person’s parents are alive and he does not honor them and he dies, he will enter Hell and Allah will cast him far away. Say Ameen.’ So I said Ameen. He said: ‘If you are mentioned in a person’s presence and he does not send blessings upon you and he dies, he will enter Hell and Allah will cast him far away. Say Ameen.’ So I said Ameen.”
How unfortunate and miserable are these three kinds of people against whom Jibril has supplicated that they be turned away from the Mercy of Allah, and the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) has said, 'Ameen,' for this supplication.
It is Day 15 of Ramadhan and before you know it, Ramadhan is over, have you changed your bad behavior and attitude towards your parents? Repent and resolve never to go back to it.
Ramadhan fasting is not about iftars (break fast meals) and suhur (pre-dawn meals). The very purpose of fasting is so we may become people of taqwa (righteousness, piety, Godfearingness).
Fasting is an act of self control/restraint from which a person is meant to acquire a state which is of the most and emphasized of human state -- a state of being conscious of your Lord and wary of disobeying Him in one's action. It is to break the desire for lust, and to cool the fire of selfishness and arrogance, so that the soul instead of being inclined towards the desires of lust, it becomes obedient towards the commands of the Almighty.
Allah Almighty says,
Tawqa of Allah (iitaqullah) means to do something (shield of good deeds) to place between yourself and the anger of Allah. It is also used with respect to Hell (ittaqunnar) or the Last Day (wattaqu yauman fihi illallah). Each of these, Hell and the Last Day, there is something to be frightened of.
One area that each and everyone of us need to work on this Ramadhan is taqwa of Allah concerning our parents, whether they are still living or not. Our duty towards our parents is not just when they are alive but it continues on until we ourselves die.
Immediately after Allah enjoins us to worship Him Alone, Allah enjoins us to be in a state of excellence with our parents--how we deal with them, how we talk with them, how we think of them, how we respond to them, what we want for them, keeping ties with them, always trying to better our relationship with them, always trying to to make life easy for them, always trying to give what they want and help them in the best of ways.
Allah has enjoined us to be grateful to Him and to our parents. Being grateful to Him is being grateful to your parents. Being ungrateful to your parents is being ungrateful to Allah.
Whenever we come across verses or traditions about parents, we find that they all are based on dutifulness and benevolence.
All the traditions, which have reached us, are based on the same rights of parents. For example, if we speak of the companions of the Raqeem (the companions of the cave), or the matter of the Cow of children Israel in the Qur'an verses and the Prophetic traditions, or a Christian mother who converts to Islam, or when it is said that Uways al-Qarni had the smell of paradise, or when Allah introduces al-Khidhr to Prophet Musa (peace be upon them), they are all the result of respecting and being dutiful and kind to parents. When Allah mentions Prophet Yahya (peace be upon him), He mentions about him being dutiful to his parents [Qur'an, Maryam 19:14-15] and Allah mentions Prophet Isa (peace be upon them) about being dutiful to his mother [Qur'an, Maryam 19:31-32].
Unfortunately very little attention is paid to all these in today's Muslim families and communities. Every Muslim should know what duty they have and realize what benefits they are getting by being kind to their parents, and what problems they are getting into by mistreating, neglecting, annoying or hurting their parents.
If we think of al-Khidhr (peace be upon him) when killing the young boy during his journey with Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) or the man who suffered too much at dying during the Prophet's time (Allah bless him and grant him peace), or Jurayh, the pious worshiper of the Children of Israel, and other examples, we find that it is all due to hurting and annoying their parents.
Kindness to parents includes doing each righteous deed for them that you can and refraining from doing anything that may hurt or displease them. This is how to be grateful to them.
Your being grateful to Allah and to your parents should be represented in your obedience to them and in serving them because they sacrificed their souls, wealth and health for your sake. Because of this, you should be kind to them, in order to be a dutiful child.
Kindness to parents is the dearest deed to Allah, after Prayer. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam was asked: “Which deed is the dearest to Allah? (In another narration it was said: which deed is the best?) He replied: "Performing prayer on its time." It was asked: What is next? He said: "Kindness to parents." It was asked: What is next? He said: "Jihaad in the cause of Allah.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
Thus, kindness to parents is given priority over Jihaad in the cause of Allah, which indicates our great duty towards our parents. “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam asking his permission to go for Jihad. Thereupon, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam asked him: "Are your parents alive?" He answered: Yes. He said: "Then go and serve them, for this is also Jihaad.”
In the narration of Muslim: “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam and said: I pay homage to you to emigrate and struggle in the cause of Allah, seeking reward from Allaah. The Prophet asked: "Are any of your parents alive?" He said: Both are alive. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said, "Do you seek Allah's reward?" He replied, "Yes". The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: "Then return to them and be a good companion to them”
Struggle and sacrifice for the sake of parents includes serving them, accompany them, and assisting them financially, especially if one is well off while they are impoverished. Obedience to parents requires being at their beck and call, complying to what they command or forbid, as they are more keen to advise what is best for you than yourself, your friends and your company. You should then hearken to their directions and obey them in doing good. When one of them orders you to do something, you should reply as Ismail replied to his father Ibrahim when he was told about the command of Allah that he be sacrificed,
You should address your parents gently and politely and consult them in your affairs, not do whatever you like, even if you don't depend on them anymore, and make many supplications for them and ask Allah to forgive their sins. You should not raise your voice in their presence, nor look at them angrily or with contempt. You should not wave with your hands or your fingers when you talk to them, nor interrupt them when they speak. You should not argue with them, tell them lies, nor travel except after taking their permission. All of these are some aspects of being kind and dutiful to parents.
Kindness to parents requires you to speak to them using honorable speech i.e., saying something good to them with esteem and respect (and always speak of them with honor and respect), and to lower the wing of humility out of mercy to them, in all your words and deeds. Act towards them politely without feeling discontent, whether you like it or not. Many children think that kindness to parents is only practiced when it coincides with their own desires. However, kindness to parents cannot be achieved except by doing what pleases them, even if it is against the tendencies of the children.
Therefore, if your parents forbid you to go on a journey that you have already arranged, or to associate with certain company, or to stay awake until late at night, spending time in pastime and play even though you feel annoyed at that, you will not be a dutiful son if you do not obey. If your father, mother, grandfather or grandmother orders you to do a good deed, but you refuse to do it, it will be disobedience on your part.
Nothing troubles parents more than being disobeyed by their children.
Your parents are the most compassionate of all people to you and the most forbearing of your faults. Many times they overlook your mistakes and forgive you. They struggle in life in order for you to feel happy and trouble themselves in order that you may be at ease. They give to you in such a way that does not cause you to be indebted to them or in a way that does not hurt your feelings. They wish you long and good life. However, so many children don't think of their parents and they find their parents a burden and obstacles in their lives for their freedom and happiness. And the little that they give to their parents or do for their parents, they make their parents feel indebted to them and burdened. And there are children who anticipate their parent's death in order to be relieved of the service to their parents or in order to inherit their wealth.
Beware of Allah's punishment because of your unkindness to your parents. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: "Allah delays the punishment of sins according to His Will until the Day of Resurrection, except for unkindness to parents, Allah hastens its punishment for the one guilty of it before his death."
Throughout history, we hear many stories of what happened to children who were unkind or disobeyed their parents, even among the pious, for example Jurayh. This should serve as a lesson and reminder for us. And we hear many stories about the reward for those who were good and dutiful to their parents, for example Uways Al Qarni. This should set a good example for us to follow.
If your parents or one of them died while you did not fulfill your duties towards them and you regret it, you still have a chance to set things right. This can be done by asking Allah's forgiveness and mercy for them, by giving charity on their behalf, visiting relatives they used to visit, keeping ties with their close friends, being kind to their siblings especially their womenfolk, fulfilling the vows they made before their death. These and similar good deeds please parents after their death, since they alleviate their sins and increase their good deeds. It was narrated: “The parents of a servant of Allah or one of them may die while he was unkind to them, but will later be regarded as a good son by Allah. This is because of his frequent supplication to Allah for them and his asking Allah's forgiveness of their sins”.
May Allah grant us taqwa and increase us in taqwa.
O Allah, help us be dutiful and excellent to our parents and shower us with Your Mercy, and forgive and pardon us for You are the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. O Allah, have mercy on our parents and all our believing ancestors, pardon them and and forgive them, for You are the Pardoner, the Most Forgiving. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.
And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.
Wassalaam
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Ramadhan will come and go but you will find many people stuck to their old bad habits and behavior. The worst of all is being bad to their parents for they risk being turned away from the Mercy of Allah if they die in that state.
It was narrated that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) ascended the minbar and said: “Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, you ascended the minbar and said, ‘Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.” He said: “Jibril (peace be upon him) came to me and said: ‘If Ramadhan comes and a person is not forgiven, he will enter Hell and Allah will cast him far away. Say Ameen.’ So I said Ameen. He said: ‘O Muhammad, if both or one of a person’s parents are alive and he does not honor them and he dies, he will enter Hell and Allah will cast him far away. Say Ameen.’ So I said Ameen. He said: ‘If you are mentioned in a person’s presence and he does not send blessings upon you and he dies, he will enter Hell and Allah will cast him far away. Say Ameen.’ So I said Ameen.”
How unfortunate and miserable are these three kinds of people against whom Jibril has supplicated that they be turned away from the Mercy of Allah, and the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) has said, 'Ameen,' for this supplication.
It is Day 15 of Ramadhan and before you know it, Ramadhan is over, have you changed your bad behavior and attitude towards your parents? Repent and resolve never to go back to it.
Ramadhan fasting is not about iftars (break fast meals) and suhur (pre-dawn meals). The very purpose of fasting is so we may become people of taqwa (righteousness, piety, Godfearingness).
Fasting is an act of self control/restraint from which a person is meant to acquire a state which is of the most and emphasized of human state -- a state of being conscious of your Lord and wary of disobeying Him in one's action. It is to break the desire for lust, and to cool the fire of selfishness and arrogance, so that the soul instead of being inclined towards the desires of lust, it becomes obedient towards the commands of the Almighty.
Allah Almighty says,
... يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ ٱلصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ ﴿١٨٣﴾ أَيَّامًا مَّعْدُودَٰتٍ ۚ فَمَن كَانَ مِنكُم مَّرِيضًا أَوْ عَلَىٰ سَفَرٍ فَعِدَّةٌ مِّنْ أَيَّامٍ أُخَرَ[Quran, Al-Baqarah 2:183-184]
O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous - (183) [Fasting for] a limited number of days. ...
Tawqa of Allah (iitaqullah) means to do something (shield of good deeds) to place between yourself and the anger of Allah. It is also used with respect to Hell (ittaqunnar) or the Last Day (wattaqu yauman fihi illallah). Each of these, Hell and the Last Day, there is something to be frightened of.
One area that each and everyone of us need to work on this Ramadhan is taqwa of Allah concerning our parents, whether they are still living or not. Our duty towards our parents is not just when they are alive but it continues on until we ourselves die.
Immediately after Allah enjoins us to worship Him Alone, Allah enjoins us to be in a state of excellence with our parents--how we deal with them, how we talk with them, how we think of them, how we respond to them, what we want for them, keeping ties with them, always trying to better our relationship with them, always trying to to make life easy for them, always trying to give what they want and help them in the best of ways.
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣﴾ وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا ﴿٢٤[Quran, Al-Isra’ 17:23-24]
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, excellence (excellent treatment). Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24)
... وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا[Quran, An-Nisa 4:36]
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and with parents, the best (excellence)..
Allah has enjoined us to be grateful to Him and to our parents. Being grateful to Him is being grateful to your parents. Being ungrateful to your parents is being ungrateful to Allah.
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤[Qur'an, Luqman 31:14]
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14)
Whenever we come across verses or traditions about parents, we find that they all are based on dutifulness and benevolence.
All the traditions, which have reached us, are based on the same rights of parents. For example, if we speak of the companions of the Raqeem (the companions of the cave), or the matter of the Cow of children Israel in the Qur'an verses and the Prophetic traditions, or a Christian mother who converts to Islam, or when it is said that Uways al-Qarni had the smell of paradise, or when Allah introduces al-Khidhr to Prophet Musa (peace be upon them), they are all the result of respecting and being dutiful and kind to parents. When Allah mentions Prophet Yahya (peace be upon him), He mentions about him being dutiful to his parents [Qur'an, Maryam 19:14-15] and Allah mentions Prophet Isa (peace be upon them) about being dutiful to his mother [Qur'an, Maryam 19:31-32].
Unfortunately very little attention is paid to all these in today's Muslim families and communities. Every Muslim should know what duty they have and realize what benefits they are getting by being kind to their parents, and what problems they are getting into by mistreating, neglecting, annoying or hurting their parents.
If we think of al-Khidhr (peace be upon him) when killing the young boy during his journey with Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) or the man who suffered too much at dying during the Prophet's time (Allah bless him and grant him peace), or Jurayh, the pious worshiper of the Children of Israel, and other examples, we find that it is all due to hurting and annoying their parents.
Kindness to parents includes doing each righteous deed for them that you can and refraining from doing anything that may hurt or displease them. This is how to be grateful to them.
Your being grateful to Allah and to your parents should be represented in your obedience to them and in serving them because they sacrificed their souls, wealth and health for your sake. Because of this, you should be kind to them, in order to be a dutiful child.
Kindness to parents is the dearest deed to Allah, after Prayer. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam was asked: “Which deed is the dearest to Allah? (In another narration it was said: which deed is the best?) He replied: "Performing prayer on its time." It was asked: What is next? He said: "Kindness to parents." It was asked: What is next? He said: "Jihaad in the cause of Allah.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
Thus, kindness to parents is given priority over Jihaad in the cause of Allah, which indicates our great duty towards our parents. “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam asking his permission to go for Jihad. Thereupon, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam asked him: "Are your parents alive?" He answered: Yes. He said: "Then go and serve them, for this is also Jihaad.”
In the narration of Muslim: “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam and said: I pay homage to you to emigrate and struggle in the cause of Allah, seeking reward from Allaah. The Prophet asked: "Are any of your parents alive?" He said: Both are alive. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said, "Do you seek Allah's reward?" He replied, "Yes". The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: "Then return to them and be a good companion to them”
Struggle and sacrifice for the sake of parents includes serving them, accompany them, and assisting them financially, especially if one is well off while they are impoverished. Obedience to parents requires being at their beck and call, complying to what they command or forbid, as they are more keen to advise what is best for you than yourself, your friends and your company. You should then hearken to their directions and obey them in doing good. When one of them orders you to do something, you should reply as Ismail replied to his father Ibrahim when he was told about the command of Allah that he be sacrificed,
قَالَ يَـٰٓأَبَتِ ٱفْعَلْ مَا تُؤْمَرُ ۖ سَتَجِدُنِىٓ إِن شَآءَ ٱللَّهُ مِنَ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ ...[Qur'an, As-Saffat 37:102]
...He said, "O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the patient ones." (102)
You should address your parents gently and politely and consult them in your affairs, not do whatever you like, even if you don't depend on them anymore, and make many supplications for them and ask Allah to forgive their sins. You should not raise your voice in their presence, nor look at them angrily or with contempt. You should not wave with your hands or your fingers when you talk to them, nor interrupt them when they speak. You should not argue with them, tell them lies, nor travel except after taking their permission. All of these are some aspects of being kind and dutiful to parents.
Kindness to parents requires you to speak to them using honorable speech i.e., saying something good to them with esteem and respect (and always speak of them with honor and respect), and to lower the wing of humility out of mercy to them, in all your words and deeds. Act towards them politely without feeling discontent, whether you like it or not. Many children think that kindness to parents is only practiced when it coincides with their own desires. However, kindness to parents cannot be achieved except by doing what pleases them, even if it is against the tendencies of the children.
Therefore, if your parents forbid you to go on a journey that you have already arranged, or to associate with certain company, or to stay awake until late at night, spending time in pastime and play even though you feel annoyed at that, you will not be a dutiful son if you do not obey. If your father, mother, grandfather or grandmother orders you to do a good deed, but you refuse to do it, it will be disobedience on your part.
Nothing troubles parents more than being disobeyed by their children.
Your parents are the most compassionate of all people to you and the most forbearing of your faults. Many times they overlook your mistakes and forgive you. They struggle in life in order for you to feel happy and trouble themselves in order that you may be at ease. They give to you in such a way that does not cause you to be indebted to them or in a way that does not hurt your feelings. They wish you long and good life. However, so many children don't think of their parents and they find their parents a burden and obstacles in their lives for their freedom and happiness. And the little that they give to their parents or do for their parents, they make their parents feel indebted to them and burdened. And there are children who anticipate their parent's death in order to be relieved of the service to their parents or in order to inherit their wealth.
Beware of Allah's punishment because of your unkindness to your parents. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: "Allah delays the punishment of sins according to His Will until the Day of Resurrection, except for unkindness to parents, Allah hastens its punishment for the one guilty of it before his death."
Throughout history, we hear many stories of what happened to children who were unkind or disobeyed their parents, even among the pious, for example Jurayh. This should serve as a lesson and reminder for us. And we hear many stories about the reward for those who were good and dutiful to their parents, for example Uways Al Qarni. This should set a good example for us to follow.
If your parents or one of them died while you did not fulfill your duties towards them and you regret it, you still have a chance to set things right. This can be done by asking Allah's forgiveness and mercy for them, by giving charity on their behalf, visiting relatives they used to visit, keeping ties with their close friends, being kind to their siblings especially their womenfolk, fulfilling the vows they made before their death. These and similar good deeds please parents after their death, since they alleviate their sins and increase their good deeds. It was narrated: “The parents of a servant of Allah or one of them may die while he was unkind to them, but will later be regarded as a good son by Allah. This is because of his frequent supplication to Allah for them and his asking Allah's forgiveness of their sins”.
May Allah grant us taqwa and increase us in taqwa.
O Allah, help us be dutiful and excellent to our parents and shower us with Your Mercy, and forgive and pardon us for You are the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. O Allah, have mercy on our parents and all our believing ancestors, pardon them and and forgive them, for You are the Pardoner, the Most Forgiving. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.
And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.
Wassalaam
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