The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam has told us, our experience has taught us and basic psychology teaches us that your friends influence you. If a friend can influence you, what impact do you think your spouse will have on you? If a mere friendship might positively or negatively influence you, then what do you think the lifelong partnership and the companionship of a spouse will have on your entire life and perhaps even on the eternal life of the next life? It is because of this that the importance of a righteous spouse to be your life partner is something that the Quran and the Sunnah stressed.
In fact, Allah reminded us in Surah An-Noor,
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ ۖ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ
Corrupt women for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women; pure and righteous women for pure and righteous men, and pure and righteous men for pure and righteous women ...
[Quran, An-Noor 24:26]
This is the general rule. Birds of feather flock together. So your life partner, the one you choose to live with, is an extension of you are. The one who you choose to live with should be representative of who you are. And that is why Allah has forbidden for Muslim men and women to marry polytheist.
وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ ﴿٢٢١﴾
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. [Quran, Al Baqarah 2:221]
Allah says a slave who is a believer is better and pure for you than a non believing woman even if her beauty bedazzles you, and even if you think she is very good for you. Even a man who is a slave but a believer in Allah is better for you than a non believing man even if he bedazzles you, and even if you think he has wealth, power, status but since he doesn't have faith in Allah, he is not worthy for you, and do not marry your women to such a person.
Simply by marrying a non believing partner, the potential to influence you is so great that you might end up on the path towards Hellfire. This is why Allah has forbidden marrying to a polytheist.
The Quran, the Sunnah and the life of the companions and human history is full of examples of righteous couples and examples of the opposite.
For example, Allah praises Prophet Zakariyya a.s. and his wife in the Quran. Allah says about both of them,
فَاسْتَجَبْنَا لَهُ وَوَهَبْنَا لَهُ يَحْيَىٰ وَأَصْلَحْنَا لَهُ زَوْجَهُ ۚ إِنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَيَدْعُونَنَا رَغَبًا وَرَهَبًا ۖ وَكَانُوا لَنَا خَاشِعِينَ ﴿٩٠﴾
So We responded to him, and We gave to him Yahya, and amended for him his wife. Indeed, they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate Us in hope and fear, and they were to Us humbly submissive. [Quran, Al Anbiya' 21:90]
Allah tells us that the two of them are team partners. They are in healthy competition and helping each other in good deeds, pray together, worship together and make du'a together, helping one another and gently pushing one another on the race towards Jannah, humbling themselves to Allah. This shows us the ideal couple.
This is how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam described,
'May Allah (SWT) have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes his wife and she prays, and if she refuses he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah (SWT) have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, then she wakes her husband and prays, and if he refuses she sprinkles water in his face.' [Sunan An-Nisa'i]
There is this notion of husband and wife helping one another for righteousness, pushing one another to piety. How many among us that we might not be as pious and as righteous as we are had it not been that Allah blessed us with a spouse who is better than us, with a spouse who reminded us to not do evil deed and to strive for a better deed. Such a spouse should thank Allah and be appreciative of one's spouse. Simply having a righteous spouse your status changes. How many times we see the success of a husband, the wife rises up as a result of that success, and vice versa, the success of a wife, the husband rises up as a result of that success. Of course, along with that, the responsibilities come.
So be careful before you get married -- who you are going to marry. After you get married, examine your spouse for their religiosity because usually speaking, not always, the spouse's religiosity is a reflection of your religiosity.
So like the righteous spouse helps the righteous spouse to Jannah, so too the wicked spouse can be a mechanism of leading to Jahannam.
One of the first revelations was about a couple who helped each other in evil,
تَبَّتْ يَدَا أَبِي لَهَبٍ وَتَبَّ ﴿١﴾ مَا أَغْنَىٰ عَنْهُ مَالُهُ وَمَا كَسَبَ ﴿٢﴾ سَيَصْلَىٰ نَارًا ذَاتَ لَهَبٍ ﴿٣﴾ وَامْرَأَتُهُ حَمَّالَةَ الْحَطَبِ ﴿٤﴾ فِي جِيدِهَا حَبْلٌ مِّن مَّسَدٍ ﴿٥﴾
May the hands of Abu Lahab be ruined, and ruined is he. (1) His wealth will not avail him or that which he gained. (2) He will [enter to] burn in a Fire of [blazing] flame (3) And his wife [as well] - the carrier of firewood. (4) Around her neck is a rope of [twisted] fiber. (5)
[Quran, Al Masad 111]
Abu Lahab, the uncle of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, Allah curses him, and in the fire of Jahannam, his wife will be carrying will be carrying fuel to her husband that is going to make jahannam for them.
So we see this reality, filthy are for filthy and pure are for pure.
This is the general rule but it is not always the cae, There are exceptions that are worthy for our reflection. Allah mentions this is the Quran.
وَضَرَبَ اللَّهُ مَثَلًا لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا امْرَأَتَ فِرْعَوْنَ إِذْ قَالَتْ رَبِّ ابْنِ لِي عِندَكَ بَيْتًا فِي الْجَنَّةِ وَنَجِّنِي مِن فِرْعَوْنَ وَعَمَلِهِ وَنَجِّنِي مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ ﴿١١﴾
Allah presents an example of those who disbelieved: the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot. They were under two of Our righteous servants but betrayed them, so those prophets did not avail them from Allah at all, and it was said, "Enter the Fire with those who enter." (10) [Quran At-Tahrim 66:8]
The wife of Nuh and the wife of Lut did not benefit from the piety of their husbands who are Prophets.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.
Aameen.
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