بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends,
I pray that you are well.
If you sit in a criminal court that deal with domestic violence cases, you will be scared--scared that our kids could be the ones in that defendant's chair. May Allah protect our children and our families from this calamity. Ameen.
I was in a courtroom yesterday and there came a young woman in handcuffs and shackles. She was 19 years old, about 115 lbs, charged with attempted murder of her marine husband, who was said to be about 225 lbs. How this happened? They got into a fight and she was accused of taking a kitchen knife and sliced her husband's finger. Her husband was holding their infant child when this happened. One of the things the court looked at on whether or not a parent can have contact with a child in domestic violence cases is whether or not the child was present during the fight. She was denied contact with her infant child.
Young people are becoming angrier and angrier it seems. Indeed, our families are not immune from this. But there are things we can do to avoid this from escalating to violence. We must avoid this from happening to our families at all cost.
One of the goals of marriage is to produce a generation of new Muslims to carry on the message of Islam. We can't fulfill this goal if we ignore our responsibilities towards Allah. Raising them to worship Allah alone is our responsibility. You can't teach them this if you yourself don't live Islam. Praying five times a day and fasting in the month of Ramadhan is not sufficient to bring Islam into the family.
The family is the first source of guidance and happiness for these children. If the children are brought up where they can see displeasure and unhappiness of their parents, and the stress and problems within the family, this will affect their behavior and could lead to violent behaviors.
The institution of marriage is sacred in Islam, meaning people should not get married without knowledge of this institution. Your child cannot enter a college without completing the grades in school and you don't pick a college for your child without knowledge of the college. Likewise, marriage is similar, you have to prepare your child at a very early stage as they will one day enter this institution. First and foremost is to teach them good character.
Character is of extreme importance in Islam. It goes hand in hand with faith and piety.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "I have been sent to complete righteous character." (Ahmad)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Piety and righteousness is being of good character." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "There is nothing heavier on the believer's scale on the Day of Judgment than good character." (Tirmidhi)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "The believers with the most complete Iman are the ones with the best behavior." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud)
"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." Qur'an An-Noor 26
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A woman is married because of her religiousness, wealth or beauty. So go for the one who is religious and may your hands be filled with dust (that is, may you prosper)." (Muslim)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or ward), then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth and great deal of evil." (Tirmidhi, ibn Majah)
Prospective spouses must ask and find out about the other person's behavior and manners. A sign of this, look at the other person's family's manners and behaviors as many times, although not always, the behaviors of people of the same family are similar. There are some characteristics that run in some families, whether they be good or bad characters, such as anger, patience, courteous, politeness, etc.
May Allah give us tawfiq. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Control Your Anger
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
I cannot tell you how sad and disturbed I have been for the past few weeks since I received the heartbreaking news. How would you feel if you see someone you love in handcuffs and shackles? I wasn't about to go to this court hearing because I know I would not be able to avoid such a scene. I know my heart won't be able to bear it. But I felt I had to put my feelings aside to give moral support to my friend.
So I called my friend the day before the court hearing and told her that I was planning to be with her in court. She was very happy and thanked me vehemently--for she did not expect that I would attend being aware of my other obligations. There we sat nervously in the courtroom waiting for the case to be called. There he came out into the courtroom with hand cuffs and shackles! At that moment we both came to tears. Both of us have a great love for him in different ways--she, a mother's love and me, a love for a brother in Islam. I do not wish anything like this to happen to anyone, especially to our children and our youths--they are our future and the future of Islam. He gazed at us from the other side of the courtroom and we raised our hands and moved our lips to say assalaamu alaykum. He returned our salaams with lip movements. My friend just could not stop sobbing!
As I am writing this to you I am crying remembering that day and anticipating his future. Only Allah knows what his future is going to be, but please make du'a for him and this family. And I hope when you read this you can feel if this is your son. I hope this will motivate you to do something quickly to bring youths (teenagers to 40 year olds) to the masjid. Our youths need proper Islamic education, lots of support growing up and in raising their own families in this very trying and difficult times.
As well, Muslims need to set models for others to learn from. We cannot be the criminals.
In all domestic violence cases, it is because someone could not control his anger. The consequence of this is very grave. The criminal justice system is tougher than before--so don't take this lightly.
We need to control our anger because uncontrollable anger leads to destruction. We see this over and over again.
If one gets angry, then it is necessary that the person performs a muhasabah, which is to account oneself of the mistakes committed, what leads to them and how to overcome them in the future. This is an important training for us to improve ourselves.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said that anger comes from the shaytan. Shaytan is our open enemy and shaytan promotes evil and creates disputes among us. Shaytan promotes evil to people by influencing their perception.
"And say to My servants (that) they should (only) speak that which is the best; (Because) shaytan verily sows dissensions among them. Surely, Shaytan is an open enemy to man." Qur'an Al-Isra' 17:53
Indeed, if somebody uses a vague word in his speech, then Shaytan ‘whispers’ a wrong interpretation or understanding to the listeners of the speech that may affect the relationship amongst them. This is how relationships in the family, brothers, sisters and friends are severed.
Allah mentions the qualities of the Muttaqin (God-fearing): “Those who spend (in Allah’s cause) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress their anger, and who pardon men, verily, Allah loves the Muhsinun (the good-doers).” Qur'an AleImran 3:133-134
Abu Hurairah, Allah be well pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace "Advise me! "The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."
Abu Hurairah related that the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry." (Bukhari)
Our Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, taught us how to control our anger.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: 'I seek Refuge with Allah from Shaytan' then all his anger will go away." (Bukhari)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.” (Abu Daud)
Abu Dharr , Allah be well pleased with him, narrated: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said to us: "When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down." (Abu Daud)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If one of you becomes angry then he should be silent.”
And from the du'a (supplications) of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, "I ask you O Allah, for truthful speech during times of pleasure and anger" (Nasaai and Ahmad)
There are praiseworthy anger as known from the examples of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace. He never got angry except when the commandments of Allah are violated. If we want to get angry for the sake of Allah, then we need to be careful that we are really not getting angry for ourselves or for our own interests, and we do not commit wrong and illegal actions like using harsh, disparage or vulgar words, or beating up somebody. If the commanding or forbidding leads to more harm than benefit, then it should be avoided based on the principle of weighing between the benefits and harms.
It is also known in the medical arena that anger causes many health problems especially if they are not controlled. All shari’ah injunctions are for our benefit, even if we don't know them (as yet) but strive to follow them anyway. And our beloved Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, is our best example.
May Allah guide us all and grant us tawfiq. May Allah protect our youths. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
related reading:
http://journey2allah.blogspot.com/2010/05/who-is-shepherd.html
http://journey2allah.blogspot.com/2010/05/true-shepherd.html
http://journey2allah.blogspot.com/2010/05/going-back-to-nature.html
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
I cannot tell you how sad and disturbed I have been for the past few weeks since I received the heartbreaking news. How would you feel if you see someone you love in handcuffs and shackles? I wasn't about to go to this court hearing because I know I would not be able to avoid such a scene. I know my heart won't be able to bear it. But I felt I had to put my feelings aside to give moral support to my friend.
So I called my friend the day before the court hearing and told her that I was planning to be with her in court. She was very happy and thanked me vehemently--for she did not expect that I would attend being aware of my other obligations. There we sat nervously in the courtroom waiting for the case to be called. There he came out into the courtroom with hand cuffs and shackles! At that moment we both came to tears. Both of us have a great love for him in different ways--she, a mother's love and me, a love for a brother in Islam. I do not wish anything like this to happen to anyone, especially to our children and our youths--they are our future and the future of Islam. He gazed at us from the other side of the courtroom and we raised our hands and moved our lips to say assalaamu alaykum. He returned our salaams with lip movements. My friend just could not stop sobbing!
As I am writing this to you I am crying remembering that day and anticipating his future. Only Allah knows what his future is going to be, but please make du'a for him and this family. And I hope when you read this you can feel if this is your son. I hope this will motivate you to do something quickly to bring youths (teenagers to 40 year olds) to the masjid. Our youths need proper Islamic education, lots of support growing up and in raising their own families in this very trying and difficult times.
As well, Muslims need to set models for others to learn from. We cannot be the criminals.
In all domestic violence cases, it is because someone could not control his anger. The consequence of this is very grave. The criminal justice system is tougher than before--so don't take this lightly.
We need to control our anger because uncontrollable anger leads to destruction. We see this over and over again.
If one gets angry, then it is necessary that the person performs a muhasabah, which is to account oneself of the mistakes committed, what leads to them and how to overcome them in the future. This is an important training for us to improve ourselves.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said that anger comes from the shaytan. Shaytan is our open enemy and shaytan promotes evil and creates disputes among us. Shaytan promotes evil to people by influencing their perception.
"And say to My servants (that) they should (only) speak that which is the best; (Because) shaytan verily sows dissensions among them. Surely, Shaytan is an open enemy to man." Qur'an Al-Isra' 17:53
Indeed, if somebody uses a vague word in his speech, then Shaytan ‘whispers’ a wrong interpretation or understanding to the listeners of the speech that may affect the relationship amongst them. This is how relationships in the family, brothers, sisters and friends are severed.
Allah mentions the qualities of the Muttaqin (God-fearing): “Those who spend (in Allah’s cause) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress their anger, and who pardon men, verily, Allah loves the Muhsinun (the good-doers).” Qur'an AleImran 3:133-134
Abu Hurairah, Allah be well pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace "Advise me! "The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."
Abu Hurairah related that the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry." (Bukhari)
Our Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, taught us how to control our anger.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: 'I seek Refuge with Allah from Shaytan' then all his anger will go away." (Bukhari)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.” (Abu Daud)
Abu Dharr , Allah be well pleased with him, narrated: The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said to us: "When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down." (Abu Daud)
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "If one of you becomes angry then he should be silent.”
And from the du'a (supplications) of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, "I ask you O Allah, for truthful speech during times of pleasure and anger" (Nasaai and Ahmad)
There are praiseworthy anger as known from the examples of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace. He never got angry except when the commandments of Allah are violated. If we want to get angry for the sake of Allah, then we need to be careful that we are really not getting angry for ourselves or for our own interests, and we do not commit wrong and illegal actions like using harsh, disparage or vulgar words, or beating up somebody. If the commanding or forbidding leads to more harm than benefit, then it should be avoided based on the principle of weighing between the benefits and harms.
It is also known in the medical arena that anger causes many health problems especially if they are not controlled. All shari’ah injunctions are for our benefit, even if we don't know them (as yet) but strive to follow them anyway. And our beloved Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, is our best example.
May Allah guide us all and grant us tawfiq. May Allah protect our youths. Ameen. Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
related reading:
http://journey2allah.blogspot.com/2010/05/who-is-shepherd.html
http://journey2allah.blogspot.com/2010/05/true-shepherd.html
http://journey2allah.blogspot.com/2010/05/going-back-to-nature.html
Monday, May 3, 2010
Who is the shepherd?
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Why did you beat her up? This is the first thing I asked my clients, people's husbands, unfortunately not just non-Muslims, who asked for my help about saving their marriage or getting custody of their children after they got out of jail for domestic violence. It is not because their stories matters, because there is no excuse to beat up a woman, but I want to see if I can help them. If they are remorseful I can try to help them. If they are in denial, I can't.
What more can I say except "you should know better" especially to Muslim husbands. Your strength that Allah give you is not to beat up your wife, but to protect her against evil and work hard to provide for her. We know you have the right to discipline your wife, if she deviates, in the interest to preserve your family but do you really have to resort to intimidation, disparagement, assaults and battery, character assassination, involving her dead parents...etc, etc.? Islam doesn't allow this. Who are you fooling? You cannot fool Allah. You are her protector--she should feel safe with you. When the shepherd is the wolf, how are you protecting her? You are going to destroy the family! Don't complain about your wife called the 911 on you. She need to protect her lambs.
Don't complain about your terrible life in jail. Don't complain now you are facing deportation, now you are losing your job, ....and on and on. All these are nothing compared to the punishment in the hellfire! You have hurt those children for life. Do you know witnessing violence between one’s parents is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults. Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under reported crimes. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
So do not tell me this is the first time you beat up your wife either!
May Allah protect our children. Ameen. Please don't forget all of us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Why did you beat her up? This is the first thing I asked my clients, people's husbands, unfortunately not just non-Muslims, who asked for my help about saving their marriage or getting custody of their children after they got out of jail for domestic violence. It is not because their stories matters, because there is no excuse to beat up a woman, but I want to see if I can help them. If they are remorseful I can try to help them. If they are in denial, I can't.
What more can I say except "you should know better" especially to Muslim husbands. Your strength that Allah give you is not to beat up your wife, but to protect her against evil and work hard to provide for her. We know you have the right to discipline your wife, if she deviates, in the interest to preserve your family but do you really have to resort to intimidation, disparagement, assaults and battery, character assassination, involving her dead parents...etc, etc.? Islam doesn't allow this. Who are you fooling? You cannot fool Allah. You are her protector--she should feel safe with you. When the shepherd is the wolf, how are you protecting her? You are going to destroy the family! Don't complain about your wife called the 911 on you. She need to protect her lambs.
Don't complain about your terrible life in jail. Don't complain now you are facing deportation, now you are losing your job, ....and on and on. All these are nothing compared to the punishment in the hellfire! You have hurt those children for life. Do you know witnessing violence between one’s parents is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults. Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under reported crimes. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
So do not tell me this is the first time you beat up your wife either!
May Allah protect our children. Ameen. Please don't forget all of us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
Wassalaam
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