In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Allah Almighty says,
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ﴿٢١[Qur'an Ar-Rum 30:21]
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (21)
Marriage is an act of worship.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.[Bayhaqi]
If Allah grants a Muslim a righteous wife, this helps him preserve half of his religion (faith). He should, therefore, fear Allah as regards the other half.[Tabarani and Hakim]
The whole world is pleasure, and the best pleasure of the world is the righteous woman.[Muslim]
Living as a married couple has become a real challenge more than ever before. Being a Muslim (by name) is not enough for a successful marriage nor knowing the principles of marriage in Islam will make one. Without actually living by it, the reality of marriage is a torn, ravaged and frustrated existence.
Know that living as a couple is the greatest of tests, a beautiful test of life nonetheless. With passing of each test bring you a higher rank with Allah. This is what life is all about. There is no perfect husband nor perfect wife. Perfection is not given to you or any human being. We all have to recognize that we all have faults and deficiencies. You must remember each day that the person with whom you share your life comes with his or her own history, wounds, sensitivities and hopes. Learn to listen, to understand, to observe, to accompany.
Marriage is a test of patience, of attention, of the ability to listen for unspoken words, of self-control, of mending one's faults, of healing the wounds. In each of these tests, there are two parties. A meaningful effort has to be grounded in the deepest sense of spirituality, a jihad, in the most intense meaning of the term. The jihad of love which reminds that feelings have to be taken care of. They are maintained, deepened, rooted through your shared challenges and your patience.
Patience and attention to the hearts, in a couple, will lead them towards the Light inshaAllah. The best of creation, our beloved Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, an example for eternity, so attentive, so tender, so merciful and so patient. He knew the meaning of silence, the power of a touch, the complicity of a shared glance, the pleasure in a smile, and the kindness found in being attentive.
It was reported that when the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, addressed a person he turned his whole body towards that person. He did not only turn his noble face towards the person he addressed, as this is considered impolite, and sometimes, it even denotes pride. He faced the person he spoke to, with his chest and body. Imagine how many marriages would have been saved by these two noble traits alone--respect and humility.
There are those who idealize the other so much they never really see their partners and there are those who leave each other too quickly without taking the time to know each other (even after 15, 20 years of marriage, they still don't know each other).
Of the things permitted by Allah, divorce is the most detested. Living as a couple is difficult but you have chosen marriage to fulfill half of your religion. With it comes many many responsibilities.
Allah Almighty says,
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَـٰٓئِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ ٱللَّـهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ ﴿٦[Qur'an At-Tahrim 66:6]
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.
Know how to live as a couple, within your family...in front of Allah and in front of your children. Know how to be patient, learn how to be affectionate, offer forgiveness, and you will attain the spirituality of the protected, the proximity of the ones that are close.
The heart is tough and rough and what soften this tough and rough heart is if we remember and live for the Hereafter. And so we marry and we have children (or divorce) for Allah.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Remember often the terminator of all pleasures (i.e. death)" [Tirmidhi]
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. [Qur'an Al-Furqan 25:74]
Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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