In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
The best gift for your children is your righteousness, not iPad, iPod, tablet, or smartphone. You are the number one role model for your children. If they don't see you pray, don't see you fast, don't see you with proper hijab, don't see you read Qur'an, don't see you good to your parents, relatives, neighbors, don't see you give charity, don't see you avid in seeking knowledge, or you having bad companions, showing your body that you are not supposed to, they won't know any better. Many a time schools are where your children pick up bad behavior, bad manners, bad speech, bad company -- even in many Islamic/Muslim schools. Don't make a mistake of thinking that schools can teach your children Islam, the proper manners and keep them away from bad company. Schools can only do so much with the limited resources they have.
If they see the same behavior at home, you are only affirming what they see at school. And then when your son is 16, now taller than you, stronger than you, smarter than you, and he brings a girlfriend home or tells you that Islam is not for him, don't be flabbergasted. You should know it was coming. Or, if you have a daughter, she is now 15, you couldn't believe what you see on her Facebook or what's on her phone picture gallery -- photos of her with boys and girls, or her with a boy, no haya' (shyness, modesty, shame), no hijab, worse she came home one day and told you she is pregnant, doesn't know who the father is. Devastated? It's the beginning of your nightmare. You thought you have given your children everything...but wrong! You have given them keys to evil and it's very difficult to bring back the genie when it's out of the bottle so to speak. So don't let it out in the first place.
Children are no doubt huge tests for parents.
Allah Almighty says,
نَّمَآ أَمْوَٰلُكُمْ وَأَوْلَـٰدُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ ۚ وَٱللَّـهُ عِندَهُۥٓ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ ﴿١٥[Qur'an At-Taghabun 64:15]
Indeed, your wealth and children are a trial.
The wealth and the children are a test from Allah to His slave, so that He may know his ability of (correct) upbringing of his children, and the payment of the zakah on his wealth.
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said, "The best of wealth is the righteous for a righteous person." [related by Ahmad]
He, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, also said, "When a person dies, his action discontinues except for three: a continuing charity, or knowledge which proves to be of benefit, or a righteous son who supplicates for him." [related by Muslim]
Allah Almighty says,
ٱلْمَالُ وَٱلْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا ۖ وَٱلْبَـٰقِيَـٰتُ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ خَيْرٌ عِندَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًا وَخَيْرٌ أَمَلًا ﴿٤٦[Qur'an Al-Kahf 18:46]
Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one's] hope. (46)
Raising children to be good Muslims and decent human beings is a huge challenge especially in this technological era. They have so many windows available to look into. It's scary out there. Shaytan is everywhere. We have to try our best to direct our children to the right windows and always seek Allah's help and make lots of du'a for them.
The one consolation for me is in the story in the Qur'an of the meeting of Prophet Musa and Al-Khidr, peace be upon them. Al-Khidr reinforced a broken wall in a town in which people were selfish and inhospitable. Beneath the wall lay a treasure that belonged to two orphans, so in order to protect the treasure from the people of the town, Al-Khidr fixed the wall. It was revealed that the reason he was ordered to fix the wall for the orphans was because their father was a righteous man.
وَأَمَّا ٱلْجِدَارُ فَكَانَ لِغُلَـٰمَيْنِ يَتِيمَيْنِ فِى ٱلْمَدِينَةِ وَكَانَ تَحْتَهُۥ كَنزٌ لَّهُمَا وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَـٰلِحًا فَأَرَادَ رَبُّكَ أَن يَبْلُغَآ أَشُدَّهُمَا وَيَسْتَخْرِجَا كَنزَهُمَا رَحْمَةً مِّن رَّبِّكَ ۚ وَمَا فَعَلْتُهُۥ عَنْ أَمْرِى ۚ ذَٰلِكَ تَأْوِيلُ مَا لَمْ تَسْطِع عَّلَيْهِ صَبْرًا ﴿٨٢[Qur'an Al-Kahf 18:82]
And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the city, and there was beneath it a treasure for them, and their father had been righteous. So your Lord intended that they reach maturity and extract their treasure, as a mercy from your Lord. And I did it not of my own accord. That is the interpretation of that about which you could not have patience." (82)
Sa'id bin Jubayr narrated from Ibn 'Abbas: “They were taken care of because their father was a righteous man, although it is not stated that they themselves were righteous.”
So, so long as we live, for every breath we take, we keep working on ourselves to do good and be righteous servants of Allah and pray that Allah will protect our children from the menace of this world and disobedience. He is the best Protector and Guardian.
We can't control people's actions, including our children's, but we can control our own actions. Uphold Allah's commands and Allah will take care of your children whether you are with them or not.
May Allah help us raise our children well and grant us righteous children. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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