Taking Family For Granted

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Our family is a tremendous gift from Allah. If we fulfill our responsibilities towards them, they are a great source of happiness in this life before the next. The big thing in our lives that we tend to take for granted, is also our own family, because they have always been there. We just accept their presence, but do not really place any value in them.

How many times you ignore your family so you can make more money to acquire more possessions, to buy more things for your family to keep them happy. No doubt they are happy for a while but what will happen tomorrow? Tomorrow they will be excited about some new gadget that come to the market.

Some people will get into debt (credit card, bank credit line, home equity line) because they think they have to have everything they hear or see. Then they say, "as soon as I paid off this debt, I can take some time off (or cut down on my work hours) and take my kids to the classes at the masjid and I will have the evening and weekends to eat and pray with my family." But that day never comes because your eyes have become bigger and fancier and you refused to cut up the plastic and you refused to leave home without it.

In your mind you are justifying your actions to suit yourself, but your life soon become a collection of habits. Every time you say, "When I have done this, I will do that," you are getting further away from what you really want to do. You form a habit and that then becomes the norm, until eventually you are living your life doing things you do not want to do, in an effort to get to a position where you can do what you want to do.

Unfortunately, by the time you are in a position to do what you want to do, it becomes almost impossible to break the habitual life that you have created to get there. When you actually come to evaluate your life and consider all the sacrifices you have made, in order to give your family a "good life", you have created something that does not even come close to resembling your vision, let alone what Allah wants you to do for your entrusted ones. You have created a family that has gotten used to a lifestyle of hoarding possessions and trendy gadgets, and of fun and games.

In most situations, by the time you have created the environment that you strive for, at the expense of your family, the family is so fragmented, that you all appear strangers. This is when you find out what is more important. But the problem is that it is too late--the children have found their own lives and they don't know their Lord, your spouse has also created a life around what has been happening and you are left there scratching your head wondering what on earth has happened.

We should assess our individual situation now, and make sure we have our priorities right. Check if we are on course to get what we are striving for. If you are just looking to create an environment that impresses the neighbors, friends or other people, that is fine, but if you are thinking to have a happy, bonded, loving, successful family in the future, have a real good look at things. A happy, bonded, loving, successful family does not come out of thin air. It has to be nurtured through living Islam, starting now.

Remember, our children, especially the young ones, are like sponges. They absorbed everything they see, most of the time we are not aware that this is happening. So let us be their best living examples.

Allah Almighty says,

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَـٰٓئِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ ٱللَّـهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ ﴿٦

O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.

[Qur'an At-Tahrim 66:6]

ٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّمَا ٱلْحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌۢ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِى ٱلْأَمْوَٰلِ وَٱلْأَوْلَـٰدِ ۖ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ ٱلْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُۥ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَىٰهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَـٰمًا ۖ وَفِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِّنَ ٱللَّـهِ وَرِضْوَٰنٌ ۚ وَمَا ٱلْحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنْيَآ إِلَّا مَتَـٰعُ ٱلْغُرُورِ

Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion..

[Qur'an Al-Hadid 57:20]

May Allah guide us on the straight path and grant us tawfiq to the highest station. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam