In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Men and women were not created the same. A man cannot be a woman and a woman cannot be a man. Manliness in men and femininity in women is self respect. And to imitate the other gender is having no self respect.
We are part of the creation of Allah. And Allah does not discriminate between men and women. Men and women complement each other.
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَـٰكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّـهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ ﴿١٣[Qur'an, Hujuraat 49:13]
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. (13)
Manliness is to be strong enough to stand up for yourself but gentle enough to stand up for others. Being manly isn't easy, nor should it be - real men relish challenges. Manly men don't have to look like Conan the Barbarian or Fabio, but they do need to take care of their bodies. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, always looked his best, both in private and in public.
Manly men are aware of the image they project - stand up straight and walk with purpose. Real men don't run from challenges or try to shirk their obligations. Rather, they take pride in being reliable and responsible. If you're a husband or father, become a leader in your family. Take an active role in child-raising, helping with household chores and/or balance the household budget, for instance.
Manliness is not yelling, screaming, beating, raising your manly voice or scaring your woman. On the contrary manly men are very gentle with their womenfolk. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, would not raise his voice even in the marketplace.
"The best of the Muslims is he from whose hand and tongue the Muslims are safe." [Muslim]
"The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family." [Tirmidhi]
Just because Hawwa (Eve) was created from Adam's ribs, it does not mean that women are inferior to men. Rather, it shows that the woman is your partner working side by side just as the ribs are on your side. Just because ribs are curved, that doesn't mean women are crooked (evil) or that it is a defect in the manufacture. Just imagine if Allah created your ribs straight. Surely, it is very painful to be walking around with bones sticking into your flesh.
Ribs are curved on both sides of our bodies to create a cage to protect the heart, the major arteries and veins as well as the lungs which are all essential for life continuity. So the curved nature of the rib is one of the signs of Allah’s perfection in creation of human and if they were straight they would not give the maximum security for the heart and lungs as the cage shape that the rib’s curvature produce.
Saying that a woman is created from a crooked rib is to explain that she has all the characteristics she requires to perform her function perfectly which is protection for her family and children as well as her mercy. So if one tries to change a woman’s characteristics to be like his then she would not be able to perform her function on earth which is mercy and protection of her loved ones. Honoring this nature in women and not trying to change it is what makes life enjoyable. Allah’s Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam is advising men not to try to change the characteristics of a woman to be like that of a man or he would not enjoy her presence beside him. If you try to straighten your ribs, it will break and you will have no shape.
To be a feminine woman, you should adopt the mindset of a more traditional woman and know how to cultivate grace, compassion, politeness, and capability. Being feminine does not mean being perfect and ethereal. For those times when grace is lacking and you fall flat on your face in the middle of a room, the true test of your femininity is your ability to laugh it off! Because think about it: taking life too seriously is not very healthy overall. Ultimately, being feminine is about feeling at ease with yourself, and you can't feel at ease if you're too stiff, somber, and serious, so be the opposite: lighthearted and playful.
A feminine woman feels compassion for other people, knows how to sympathize with people, and says the right thing when she's trying to help someone. Being confident is also an important part of femininity. Anyone can agree that learning to love yourself is important. A truly feminine person is confident enough in her looks and abilities to be modest. Avoid bragging about your accomplishments, talking about how amazing you look, or generally showing off.
If you are a wife, you are not there to tell your husband what to do -- there are things best left to your husband to decide even if you think you are right. If you see your husband driving a certain way that you might not appreciate, tell yourself that he has been driving all these years to work without you and he has been coming home safe. So leave him alone and save the argument in the car. It is highly likely that he won't listen to you anyway. You are there to protect his vital organ -- the heart. Smile a lot, flirt, tease, and play. Have fun! And talk like a lady.
"The best of women are those that please him [her husband] when he sees her, obeys him when she is commanded, and who does not secretly betray him with regards to herself and her money in that which he dislikes." [Ahmad]
"The best of women are those that please you when you see them, obey you when commanded, and who safeguard themselves and your money in your absence." [Tabarani, Sahih]
Part of being feminine is knowing how to get across exactly what you want to say while being graceful, poised, delicate, and considerate. Women should be direct and clear in public, and not behave girly, so as not to attract unnecessary attention to herself. Speak softly, slow down your words, and express your thoughts as eloquently as possible. You don't have to change the way you think to be feminine -- you just have to consider the way you say them. To be a feminine, you can't curse like a sailor, yell to get what you want, or talk so loudly that any person in the building can hear you.
"The best of people are those with the most excellent character." [Tabarani, Sahih]
May Allah enable us to fulfill our responsibilities in the best manner. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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