In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
The birth of a child is the coming of Allah's honor into your household.
Allah says,
وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِىٓ ءَادَمَ وَحَمَلْنَـٰهُمْ فِى ٱلْبَرِّ وَٱلْبَحْرِ وَرَزَقْنَـٰهُم مِّنَ ٱلطَّيِّبَـٰتِ وَفَضَّلْنَـٰهُمْ عَلَىٰ كَثِيرٍۢ مِّمَّنْ خَلَقْنَا تَفْضِيلًا ﴿٧٠[Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:70]
And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference. (70)
Humanity has been described with relationship to parents. In that there are two entities that have been honored -- the children and the parents. Every child that has been born into a family has brought Allah's honor to that family. It is a gift of Allah to be parents and that we get to raise our child, someone who Allah has honored.
Our children will be diverse, have different personalities. We should celebrate their diversity and grateful that they are different. Stop comparing one child to all the other children because that develops all kinds of inferiority/superiority complex and jealousy, which will negatively impact their lives now and in the future.
In Surah Al-Kahf, Allah gives us an example of a man with two gardens who felt superior than the other.
أَنَا۠ أَكْثَرُ مِنكَ مَالًا وَأَعَزُّ نَفَرًۭا ﴿٣٤...[Qur'an, Al-Kahf 18:34]
..."I am greater than you in wealth and mightier in [numbers of] men." (34)
Consequently, he lost everything.
And don't wish for things Allah has given to another. The other man did not wish for what the rich man has.
...[Qur'an, Al-Kahf 18:40]
إِن تَرَنِ أَنَا۠ أَقَلَّ مِنكَ مَالًا وَوَلَدًا ﴿٣٩﴾ فَعَسَىٰ رَبِّىٓ أَن يُؤْتِيَنِ خَيْرًۭا مِّن جَنَّتِكَ وَيُرْسِلَ عَلَيْهَا حُسْبَانًا مِّنَ ٱلسَّمَآءِ فَتُصْبِحَ صَعِيدًا زَلَقًا ﴿٤٠﴾ أَوْ يُصْبِحَ مَآؤُهَا غَوْرًۭا فَلَن تَسْتَطِيعَ لَهُۥ طَلَبًا ﴿٤١
... Although you see me less than you in wealth and children, (39) It may be that my Lord will give me [something] better than your garden and will send upon it a calamity from the sky, and it will become a smooth, dusty ground, (40) Or its water will become sunken [into the earth], so you would never be able to seek it." (41)
Like your paycheck is your provision (rizq), your child is your rizq. Allah compares our children to an investment.
نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٢٢٣[Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:223]
Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers. (223)
When we raise our children right, every good deed they do is an investment in our next life (akhirah). And if one day they are able to be good parents and raise your grandchildren right, that's building your akhirah. And those grandchildren will build your akhirah and you will continue building your akhirah till the end of time through each righteous offspring. But that does not mean your children get to be serious about the religion and you get to do whatever you want, being neck deep in riba, backbiting, yelling and screaming, being angry all the time, rushing through prayers, telling lies, being with the phone all the time, watching ballgames, being wasteful, wasting time, etc. There is no double standard. This is a hypocrisy. If you have hypocrisy, then your money and your children will not benefit you in the next life.
Our children will increase our rank if we are already believers, not to pull us out of Hell. You have to have the bare minimum yourself for your children to benefit you in the akhirah. Good parents are concerned about their own good deeds.
وَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِنَّ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ ٱلَّذِينَ خَسِرُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَهُمْ وَأَهْلِيهِمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ فِى عَذَابٍ مُّقِيمٍ ﴿٤٥[Qur'an, Ash-Shura 42:45]
...And those who had believed will say, "Indeed, the [true] losers are the ones who lost themselves and their families on the Day of Resurrection. Unquestionably, the wrongdoers are in an enduring punishment." (45)
إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ لَن تُغْنِىَ عَنْهُمْ أَمْوَٰلُهُمْ وَلَآ أَوْلَـٰدُهُم مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا ۖ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمْ وَقُودُ ٱلنَّارِ ﴿١٠[Qur'an, AleImran 3:10]
Indeed, those who disbelieve - never will their wealth or their children avail them against Allah at all. And it is they who are fuel for the Fire. (10)
ٱتَّخَذُوٓا۟ أَيْمَـٰنَهُمْ جُنَّةً فَصَدُّوا۟ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ فَلَهُمْ عَذَابٌ مُّهِينٌ ﴿١٦﴾ لَّن تُغْنِىَ عَنْهُمْ أَمْوَٰلُهُمْ وَلَآ أَوْلَـٰدُهُم مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلنَّارِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ ﴿١٧[Qur'an, Al-Mujadilla 58:16]
They took their [false] oaths as a cover, so they averted [people] from the way of Allah, and for them is a humiliating punishment. (16) Never will their wealth or their children avail them against Allah at all. Those are the companions of the Fire; they will abide therein eternally (17)
There are failed nations that Allah talks about. Bani Israil and Ahlul Fir'aun come up a lot in the Qur'an. They were not mentioned as Israiliyun or Ashabul Fir'aun (Companions of Fir'aun) but identified as children of Israil or family of Fir'aun. We can glean from this identification that their failure is attributed as failure of parenting.
Children are means by which a state of ummah will change. If we do our job right, Allah promise that He will leave our next generation, the generation that come after good people authority in the land. He will give Islam to them that they can live by Islam in the land.
وَعَدَ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مِنكُمْ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ لَيَسْتَخْلِفَنَّهُمْ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ كَمَا ٱسْتَخْلَفَ ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِهِمْ وَلَيُمَكِّنَنَّ لَهُمْ دِينَهُمُ ٱلَّذِى ٱرْتَضَىٰ لَهُمْ وَلَيُبَدِّلَنَّهُم مِّنۢ بَعْدِ خَوْفِهِمْ أَمْنًا ۚ يَعْبُدُونَنِى لَا يُشْرِكُونَ بِى شَيْـًٔا ۚ وَمَن كَفَرَ بَعْدَ ذَٰلِكَ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ ﴿٥٥[Qur'an, An-Nur 24:55]
Allah has promised those who have believed among you and done righteous deeds that He will surely grant them succession [to authority] upon the earth just as He granted it to those before them and that He will surely establish for them [therein] their religion which He has preferred for them and that He will surely substitute for them, after their fear, security, [for] they worship Me, not associating anything with Me. But whoever disbelieves after that - then those are the defiantly disobedient. (55)
I care about my kids and you care about your kids. But that's not enough. We each have to decide to be good parents and take the means to become one. You are their role models. You are not going to find a good role model for your kids in Youtube or Facebook or TV or in movies.
Allah decides how long our children will live. It is a blessing that they woke up alive this morning. While we are still here and Allah continues to bless us with them in our lives, be grateful and be a good parent.
May Allah help us raise our children well and grant us righteous offspring and make us among the grateful. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazak Allahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassallam
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