بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
It's almost inevitable that we will witness one of our loved ones (like a parent, spouse, brother, sister, or child) being buried six feet under and that would be one of the most difficult times in our lives. Most of the time we would be in complete loss of words. Had it not for Islam, some people would wish to die at that moment because of the intense grief that they were feeling.
Usually during these moments of grief, you really don't feel like attending any gatherings or having people coming to your home and giving you advice unless they have gone through something similar recently for otherwise they won't really know how you feel.
One of the great companions and one of the great scholars of the Muslims, 'Abdullah ibn 'Abbas, when his father, Abbas ibn Muttalib, the Prophet's uncle, (may Allah be pleased with them) passed away, he was in so much grief. A bedouin man came to 'ibn 'Abbas to try to console him and he said these beautiful words...
اصبر نكن بك صابرين فإنما * صبر الرعية بعد صبر الرأس
خير من العباس أجرك بعده * والله خير منك للعباس
Be patient. We will be, through you, patient. For * the patience of the flock is after the patience of the head (shepherd).
Better than Al-Abbas is your reward after him. * And Allah is better than you for Al-Abbas.
The death of Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) and Abu Talib occurred after the end of the three year boycott of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and his clan (Bani Hashim). Khadijah was the Prophet's beloved wife, the first person to accept Islam and his foremost supporter in his mission of spreading the message of Islam. She had been a refuge from all his troubles and, through her good-heartedness, the best company in his suffering. Abu Talib was the Prophet's paternal uncle who protected him against his enemies in Makkah.
In the boycott the Makkans had openly revealed their hatred against the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and his supporters, forcing them to retreat to a ravine in the outskirts of Makkah. During the boycott, the conditions were such that continuous attempts were made at the life of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and food was so scarce that at times they were forced to survive by eating leaves and crushed bones.
Even though the boycott ended and life went back to normal, but the years of hardship made Khadijah very weak. She became ill and soon afterwards she died. During those three enduring years, all of the wealth of Khadijah had been drained in secretly trying to feed the members of the clan and buying them essentials such as water and clothing. When she died, there was not enough money in the house to buy a shroud. She was given burial in a cloak of her husband.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) was devastated with the death of his beloved wife and followed by his beloved uncle. He called that year, 619 A.D, "The Year of Sorrow."
We losing our loved ones or whatever calamities we go through do not compare to what Rasulullah sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam went through in his life. During his Prophethood, he buried many close family members and great companions, including his close uncle Hamzah, his wife Zaynab and two daughters, Ruqayyah and Umm Kalsum (may Allah be pleased with them).
When the Prophet's (Allah bless him and grant him peace) only surviving son, Ibrahim, died, tears spilled down his cheeks. The companions asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) about the tears. With the tears streaming down his cheeks, he said:
The Eyes Tear
The Heart is in Pain
But (with my tongue) I will only say that which is pleasing to Allah
And we are indeed sad at your departure, O Ibrahim
Then he turned his face towards the mountain before his and said, "O Mountain! If you were as sorrowful as I am, you would certainly crumble into pieces! But we say what Allah has ordered us: (We are the servants of Allah and we will return to Him; We thank Allah, the Creator of the Universe)
No one can give us advice better than the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) because he has gone through it all.
Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I said: “O Messenger of Allah, which of the people are most sorely tested?” He said: “The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his religious commitment is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his religious commitment. Calamity will keep befalling a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him.” [At-Tirmidhi]
LESSONS
When somebody experiences a death in the family, you have access to four body parts: eyes, heart, tongue and hands. It is permissible to cry with the eyes. So next time when you see someone crying at the death of a loved one, you don't have to insist that they stop crying.
It is permissible to feel sadness in the heart. So next time when you see someone sad at the death of a loved one, you don't have to 'reprimand' them.
But it is with the tongue and/or hands that one either wins the mercy of Allah, or slips in to displeasing Allah. With hands one must not slap their face, pull at their clothes or hair.
If you've been through a calamity, you cannot bring back what was lost. But there is an infinite reward of patience and gratitude (Alhamdulillah) that is awaiting your tongue's response.
There is nothing to gain by missing out on being patient during this difficult time.
Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. (We belong to Allah and to Him shall be the return).
Allah is with the patient ones. May Allah make us of those who are patient and grateful. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
The Passing Of My Beloved Sister: A Moment of Reflection
Finding The Night of Power (Laylatul Qadr): A Moment of Reflection
The Passing Of My Beloved Brother -- Dealing With The Death Of A Loved One
Life Beyond Death -- The Grave World
Life Beyond Death -- The Believer On The Day of Judgment
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