Turning Sex into Sadaqah (Charity)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Allah's Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam said: “In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqah.” The Companions replied: “0 Messenger of Allah, When one of us fulfills his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?” And he said, “Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded.” [Muslim]

This hadith only makes sense if the sexual act is raised above the mere animal level.

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَ‌ٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَ‌حْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَءَايَـٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُ‌ونَ ﴿٢١

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (21) [Qur'an, Ar-Rum 30:21]

What is the magic ingredient that turns sex into sadaqah, that makes it a matter of reward or punishment from Allah? It is by making one’s conjugal relations more than simple physical gratification; it is by thought for pleasing Allah by unselfish care for one’s spouse. A husband who cannot understand this will never be fully respected by his wife.

Every Muslim knows that a man has a right over his wife. However, because nikah is a contract never to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bond, Islam commands not only women but men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by depriving her of her rights.

According to all four orthodox jurists, it is incumbent upon the husband to keep his wife happy and pleased in this respect. Likewise, it is essential for the wife to satisfy the desire of the husband. Neither should reject the other, unless there is some lawful excuse. The reason is obvious...so the spouse would not be tempted to commit zina (adultery) out of despair or frustration.

Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with his wife in serenity [Qur'an, Al-A'raf 7:189], and not in unhappiness, frustration and strife. If your marriage is frankly awful, then you must ask yourself how such a desperate and tragic scenario could be regarded by anyone as “half the Faith.”

Neither spouse should ever act in a manner that would be injurious or harmful to their conjugal life. Nikah is the sacred tie between husband and wife, that sincere and devoted love without which they cannot attain happiness and peace of mind.

A righteous spouse is a blessing for it can save a lot of headaches during marriage. Especially in today's tragic social phenomena and widespread sexual promiscuity and shamelessness, a righteous spouse is a much greater blessing. Imagine someone who has to worry about her husband cheating on her, or his wife running off with another man, what will that do to their Islam? When you have peace of mind, you can concentrate on your worship, the purpose of which we were created. So choose someone who is righteous to be your life companion. He or she will help you complete your other half of faith instead of putting you on edge.

Be modest with your spouse. Modesty is a part of good character. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassalaam himself said: “Modesty brings nothing but good.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Part of being modest is not to show or look at private parts. There are narrations of hadiths that point to this virtuous act.

It is stated to be makrooh (abominable) based on hadiths like the following hadith: “When one of you wants to have sexual intercourse with his spouse, they should not be naked like donkeys”(Ibn Majah, Nikah, 28; Naylu’l-Awtar, 6/189) (see W. Zuhayli, al-Fiqhu’l-Islami, 3/555).

According to a narration of Ibn Majah (Nikah, 28), 'Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “I have never seen the sexual organ of the Messenger of Allah.”

According to Shafi'i madhhab, it is mustahab (recommended) for a person not to look at his/her own private parts in the toilet and not to touch them unnecessarily. (see Nawawi, Majmu, 2/94).

It is not haram or a sin for a person to open and look at his/her own private parts when he/she is alone in the bathroom or a room. However, it is better to cover them. (see Nawawi, ibid, 2/166, 197, 204-206).

In Hanafi fiqh books, the following judgment is given: “Although it is permissible for spouses to look at the private parts of each other, it is more virtuous not to look at. (For instance, see al-Mabsut, 12/363; al-Badai’, 10/473-75-Shamila).

Islam has allowed the husband and the wife bonded in the sacred institution of marriage every possible liberty to enjoy conjugal relations with each other, except three:

1. It is strictly prohibited to have sexual intercourse with one’s wife during her period of menstruation.
2. It is strictly prohibited to enter the woman through her anus.
3. Although there is no specific prohibition mentioned in the Qur'an and Sunnah, the majority of the scholars in Islam have voiced their opinion against ‘oral’ sex, whereby one touches the other’s private organs with their mouth.

Part of Islamic teaching says that all of Allah’s creation is beautiful and pure, particularly when it is part of the body of human beings, who are designed as His deputies upon the earth. They are not meant to spread evil and corruption on this earth but they are means to make Allah's words paramount.

May Allah bless every marriage and make us true khalifah on this earth. Ameen.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.
Wassalaam