How to Avoid Gossip and Backbiting

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Allah Almighty says,

بِئْسَ ٱلِٱسْمُ ٱلْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ ٱلْإِيمَـٰنِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ ﴿١١

O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers. (11)

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ ﴿١٢

O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful. (12)

[Qur'an, Al-Hujurat 49:11-12]

The Teachings of Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace)

As a model and example for Muslims to follow, the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace) about how to deal with the evils of gossip and backbiting. He started out by defining these terms:

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) once asked the Companions, “Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He continued, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.” Someone then asked, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) responded: “If what you say is true then you have backbitten about him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.”

Once a person asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) to give him an idea of good work which would admit him into Paradise and distance him from the Hellfire. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) began to share with him a list of many good deeds. Then he said: "Shall I inform you of the foundation of all of that?" He took hold of his own tongue and said, "Restrain yourself from this." Surprised, the questioner exclaimed, "Oh, Prophet of Allah! Are we held to task for the things that we say?" The Prophet Muhammad replied: "Does anything topple people headlong into Hellfire, more than the harvests of their tongues?"

How to Avoid Gossip and Backbiting

We may say that we know all of this… yet backbiting and gossip remain the main causes of the destruction of personal relationships. It destroys friendships and families, and fuels mistrust among community members. Islam guides us in how to deal with our human tendency towards gossip and backbiting:

• Recognize that Allah sees and knows all things, while our own understanding and view is limited.

• Recognize that nobody is perfect; we are all lacking in some way.

• Recognize that shaytan seeks to fuel doubt and mistrust among believers.

• Speak well or keep quiet. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “One can greatly beautify himself with two habits--good manners and lengthy silence.” On another occasion, he said: “Let the one who believes in Allah and the Hereafter utter good words, or let him be silent.”

• If you hear a rumor about someone’s misfortune, strive for compassion rather than continuing the gossip. Remind others not to gossip, and if they don't listen, walk away. Allah praised such action in the Quran: وَإِذَا سَمِعُوا۟ ٱللَّغْوَ أَعْرَضُوا۟ عَنْهُ وَقَالُوا۟ لَنَآ أَعْمَـٰلُنَا وَلَكُمْ أَعْمَـٰلُكُمْ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَيْكُمْ لَا نَبْتَغِى ٱلْجَـٰهِلِينَ ﴿٥ " 'And when they hear ill speech, they turn away from it and say, "For us are our deeds, and for you are your deeds. Peace will be upon you; we seek not the ignorant." ' (Quran, Al-Qasas 28:55)

• Avoid spying. Spying fuels the trade of secrets and misinformation, and creates a climate of mistrust.

• Seek to make excuses for others. If a person does something that you think is wrong in some way, try to think about the issue from other person’s point of view. Engage in making excuses for the person. If we do this, we are less likely to dwell on the negative and seek to talk about it with others.

• Repent to Allah for any mistakes you make, and seek the forgiveness of the person you hurt.

Exceptions

 

There may be some situations in which a story must be shared, even if it may be hurtful. Muslim scholars have outlined six situations in which one is justified in sharing gossip:

• When making a complaint to a judge about an injustice that has been done, in order for one to reclaim his or her rights.

• To seek help which will prevent a person from continuing to commit a certain sin.

• To seek advice from a Muslim scholar about whether a particular action is allowed or disallowed. In this case, one may mention a certain situation without giving names, in order to obtain a judgment on the matter.

• To identify a particular person.

• If someone publicly declares his sins, openly, there is no harm in speaking about it.

• To warn others about a certain person. For example, it is an obligation for us to warn others about a person who is known to cheat or steal.

May Allah protect us from actions that displeased Him. Ameen.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.

And Allah knows best and is Most Wise, and He alone grants success, and to Him is the final return of all.

Wassalaam