In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
If it is not true, it is a lie. Someone who lies has one of the four characteristics of a hypocrite.
Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
Whoever has (the following) four characters will be a hypocrite, and whoever has one of the following four characteristics will have one characteristic of hypocrisy until he gives it up. These are: (1 ) Whenever he talks, he tells a lie; (2) whenever he makes a promise, he breaks it; (3) whenever he makes a covenant he proves treacherous; (4) and whenever he quarrels, he behaves impudently in an evil insulting manner.[Bukhari]
Allah Almighty says:
إِنَّ اللَّـهَ جَامِعُ الْمُنَافِقِينَ وَالْكَافِرِينَ فِي جَهَنَّمَ جَمِيعًا ....[Qur'an An-Nisa 4:140]
...Indeed Allah will gather the hypocrites and disbelievers in Hell all together.
Abdullah bin Mas`ud, Allah bless him and grant him peace, reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
It is incumbent upon you to be always truthful, for truthfulness guides to absolute piety and piety leads to Paradise. A man who always tells the truth and pursues the truth is written with Allah as a truthful one. Refrain from lying, for lying guides to sinfulness and sinfulness leads to Hellfire. A man continues to tell lies and pursues lies until he is written with Allah as a liar[Bukhari and Muslim]
It is reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
No father can give his children a better gift than good manners.[Tirmidhi]
It is important that our children learned that lying has consequences, one of which is curfew or grounded (or lose one or more privileges, etc). Tell your children the truth, promote honesty and be there to catch them with loving arms and held to uphold truth.
When someone catches one telling an untruth, it is embarrassing and uncomfortable for both the liar and the recipient of the lie.
DON'T # 1 - Continue to Lie
The worst thing you can do when your dishonesty has been discovered, is to continue lying. Children are taught at a young age that one lie will always beget another. No matter how "risk-free" the fib seems, at some point it will need to be covered up with another lie in order to be validated. Attempting to remember all the layers of untruth can be extremely nerve-wracking, not to mention unnecessary.
DON'T #2 - Become Defensive
Never become defensive when someone confronts you about the falsehood(s) you've presented. Sometimes people embarrassed at being caught in a lie, will search for someone or something else onto which to place the blame. Sometimes this happens during romantic arguments. Sometimes it occurs in the workplace. Wherever it happens, know that "playing the victim" only serves to make you look worse. In essence, you will appear to be a "weasel" who avoids responsibility for his/her own actions.
DON'T #3 - Forget Why You Lied
The most important thing not to do is to forget why you've lied in the first place. Certainly, you've met someone who can only relay personal anecdotes that are embellished in some way. While some may not understand why people choose to add false details to their stories, it is clear that the person who does so is looking to boost his/her self-esteem. The motive for one's lie may not always be apparent. Think about why you chose to tell an untruth. Was it to save face? Protect someone's feelings? If so, there are many different alternatives to lying. Getting to the root of the need to fib will help you address any personal issues that you may be unaware of. Remember that "little white lies" can seem harmless. But engaging in a consistent pattern of telling them is probably an indicator that a deeper problem exists.
DO #1 - Fess Up
Admit right away that you have lied. Even if the truth is plainly visible in "black and white," the person to whom you have fibbed will appreciate the acknowledgment. In fact, most people will be more offended because they feel that their intelligence has been insulted, if you continue on in your charade.
DO #2 - Explain Yourself
After you've been found out, the next best thing to do is offer a little explanation. Perhaps the lie you've told is just a little white one. Or maybe it's a huge whopper of a story. Either way, a brief justification can do a world of good. People sometimes will feel better if they understand the nature of your dishonesty.
DO #3 - Apologize
An apology can go a long way when it comes to mending fences with someone whom you have betrayed. The acknowledgment of a fib is certainly necessary. But expressing sincere regret for the attempt to fool someone is even better. Lying is one of those things that people find harmless justifications for. Whether or not the end justifies the means is a moot point when someone realizes that they've been duped.
May Allah make us among the truthful, protect us from hypocrisy and save us from Hellfile. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. JazakAllahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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