In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
When a man asks the father/guardian of the girl for her hand in marriage and the father/guardian agrees, then there is an engagement. Engagement is nothing more than a mere promise by a man and a woman to get married to each other. It does not allow the man and the woman to touch each other, meet with each other in private, have private conversations or send private messages, etc. Sexual intercourse is prohibited before marriage.
وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةً وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًا ﴿٣٢[Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:32]
And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (32)
The engagement should be short and quick so it does not give the couple the opportunity to have conversations that could swing them to an area that is prohibited.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "We have not seen anything better than marriage for those who are in love." [Ibn Majah]
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam said, "Marriage is from my way. And whoever does not practice my way is not from me. And marry and procreate..."
"Announce the marriage and conceal engagements." (weak hadith as classed by Al-Baani but first part is sahih)
Proclaiming marriages, in the sense of announcing them and publicizing them, is obligatory according to the majority of scholars, indeed it is one of the conditions of a marriage being valid, because the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “There is no marriage except with a wali (guardian) and two witnesses of good character.”
Some scholars regarded it as mustahabb (recommended) to conceal the engagement for fear of hasad (destructive envy) which could lead to trouble between the man and the family of his fiancée. This is supported by the words of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace: “Seek help in meeting your needs by keeping quiet, for everyone who is blessed is envied.”
This does not apply only to engagement, rather a person should not show openly the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon him to one who will envy him for that.
If you find that the woman or her family is asking for too much, putting too many conditions, or otherwise making marriage difficult, then obviously, your values are very different and this raise compatibility issues in the future. Engagement is not the answer and it will not going to do you any good.
Pray istikihara (prayer seeking guidance) and go with the result of istikhara for that is the safer way because Allah knows who is best suited for you. If you did not get what you desired after performing a sincere istikhara, be content, because Allah has chosen to protect you from harmfulness in what you desired. After a sincere istikhara, if your intended spouse decided not to proceed with the marriage, you should not be disheartened, because Allah has chosen to protect you from possible turmoil that could stem from the marriage. Indeed, Allah is the Bestower of all good.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "One who shows no mercy will be shown no mercy by Allah."
He, Allah bless him and grant him peace, also said, "None of you believes until his inclinations conform to that which I have brought "
Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.
Ameen
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
Related Archive
What To Look For In A Prospective Spouse
No comments:
Post a Comment