In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
The Qur’an and Sunnah indicate that the husband has a confirmed right over his wife, and that she is commanded to obey him, treat him well and put obedience to him above obedience to her parents and brothers. He is her paradise and her hell.
Allah Almighty says,
... ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ[Qur'an, an-Nisa’ 4:34]
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard...
Ibn Hibaan narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadhan), guards her chastity (she does not fornicate or commit adultery) and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’” [Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani]
That's all for a woman need to do to enter Paradise -- pray, fast, guard her chastity and obey her husband. The men probably saying, “Can we be women! We have to do all those plus so many other responsibilities, we have to enforce virtue and prevent vice, we have to provide for our wives and kids, we have to take care of our parents, we have to take care of our womenfolk, we have to pray at the masjid,...” Well, it may sound easy but it is not so easy for many women, especially in this age where chivalrous man is quite scarce. Maybe the first three are easy. It is extremely difficult to go to a woman and tell her to obey her husband. But for those women who are tolerant and patient, Allah will admit them into Paradise.
Ahmad and al-Haakim narrated from al-Husayn ibn Muhsin that his paternal aunt came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) for something and he dealt with her need, then the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant her peace) said: “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He said: “How are you with him?” She said, “I do not neglect any of his rights except those I am unable to fulfill.” He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell” – i.e., he is the cause of you entering Paradise if you fulfil his rights and the cause of your entering Hell if you fall short in that.
[Al-Mundhiri classed the isnaad of this hadeeth as jayyid in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb; it was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, no. 1933]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission, or to allow anyone in his house without his permission.” [Bukhari]
Al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth: Since it is obligatory for a woman to obey her husband with regard to his satisfying his desire, it is more appropriate that it be obligatory for her to obey him in that which is more important than that, namely raising their children, guiding the family, and other rights and duties. [From Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 282]
Ibn Maajah narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: When Mu’aadh came from Syria, he prostrated to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) who said, “What is this, O Mu'aadh?” He said, I went to Syria and saw them prostrating to their archbishops and patriarchs, and I wanted to do that for you. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” [Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah]
If there is a conflict between obedience to one’s husband and obedience to one’s parents, then obedience to one’s husband takes priority. Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) said concerning a woman who has a husband and a sick mother: Obeying her husband is more obligatory upon her than (taking care of) her mother, unless he gives her permission. (Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat, 3/47).
In al-Insaaf it says: She does not have to obey her parents with regard to leaving her husband or visiting etc., rather obedience to the husband takes priority.
There is a hadeeth concerning this issue which was narrated by al-Haakim from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace), “Who has the most right over a woman?” He said: “Her husband.” I said, “Who has the most right over a man?” He said, “His mother.”
It is said that among the characteristics of the woman of Paradise is that they have many children, and they love and care for their families. So having many children is your way to Paradise. Of course, you have to raise them in the manner that pleases Allah, which is much more difficult than having them.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that the best of women are four: Maryam binti 'Imran, Khadijah binti Khuwaylid, Fatimah binti Muhammad Rasullullah and Asiya, the wife of Fir'aun (Pharoah of Egypt), may Allah be pleased with all of them.
It is not a coincidence that they were all mothers. Maryam was the mother of Prophet Isa alayhissalam; Khadijah was the mother of five of the Prophet's children, one of the them was Fatimah, the mother of Hasan and Hussain who will be leaders of the youth in Paradise (as mentioned in the hadith); Asiya was the foster mother of Prophet Musa alayhissalam.
What we can glean from this fact is that the nurturing that a pious woman gives her child, can elevate her to the highest level.
Taking care of our family is a great service for Allah and the reward is tremendous. Looking after and raising our children is the best devotion to Allah. We should make our intention now that we want to raise our children to be people of taqwa, people who conform to the Divine and Sacred Laws and avoid haram (prohibitions). Once we do that, every single act we do, the reward is incredible.
What is in the heart of Islam is combating our ego (nafs). You have to lower your nafs when you are dealing with your children. And it is an endless effort just to keep basic things in order (almost a 24/7 job, it didn't go away even when you were able to catch a sleep). And if you don't have a compassionate and merciful spouse, you have to step on your ego even more. But, without realizing it, you learn to control your anger and you teach your nafs to be patient and ignore or subdue your own desires.
وَٱصْبِرْ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُضِيعُ أَجْرَ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ ﴿١١٥[Qur'an, Hud 11:115]
And be patient, for indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good. (115)
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said “And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.” [Bukhari]
May Allah increase the ranks of all wives and mothers of the world and grant them patience and righteous husbands, offspring and families. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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