In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Many of us, after having children, we only live for our children. Most parents, all they did with their lives, is working and saving money for their children -- save money to pay towards buying a house and then bigger house to give their children comfort, towards buying them a car, towards buying them this and that, towards taking them vacation here and there, towards their college, towards putting them in best schools, then towards getting them get married and having a big wedding. They work, work, work, save, save, save. Their lives amount to giving something to their children but unfortunately one thing they were not able to give their children is Islam. This is very tragic.
Often when the children have their own careers, they pretty much abandon their parents -- they don't call, don't visit. Why? Because there was no real relationship with their parents because their parents work, work, work -- for them. Many kids today find it easier to have a conversation with their non-Muslim friends than with their own parents.
The biggest problem in the world today is the destruction of the family unit. It is not political nor ideological. It is parents who don't know how to raise children anymore and we are raised in a nation of corrupt human beings.
We have to serve our Deen but part of our Deen is to take care of our children and families.
When Allah gives you a child, Allah wants to see if you will raise your child to serve His Deen. Some people are willing to spend money for the masjid, to go to hajj/umrah many times, or donate to help victims of war or natural disasters, but they save their children for themselves -- perhaps for their old age, perhaps to show off.
We should think of our children and our families as a devotion to Allah. Husband and wife should remind each other that they are to devote themselves to Allah. Husband and wife together have to remind their children that they are to devote their lives to Allah, and they have to work towards that, that they can be doctors, lawyers or engineers, but don't forget that we are here to serve the Deen.
Allah does not give us money so we can be successful. Allah does not give us children so they become our trophies. Allah gives us money and children so we can spend more for His Deen. And your creativity, enthusiasm, and energy that Allah bless you with, you must spend them for the sake of Allah.
ءَامِنُوا۟ بِٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ وَأَنفِقُوا۟ مِمَّا جَعَلَكُم مُّسْتَخْلَفِينَ فِيهِ ۖ فَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مِنكُمْ وَأَنفَقُوا۟ لَهُمْ أَجْرٌۭ كَبِيرٌۭ ﴿٧[Qur'an, Al-Hadid 57:7]
Believe in Allah and His Messenger and spend out of that in which He has made you successors. For those who have believed among you and spent, there will be a great reward. (7)
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تُلْهِكُمْ أَمْوَٰلُكُمْ وَلَآ أَوْلَـٰدُكُمْ عَن ذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ وَمَن يَفْعَلْ ذَٰلِكَ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْخَـٰسِرُونَ ﴿٩[Qur'an, Al-Munafiqun 63:9-10]
وَأَنفِقُوا۟ مِن مَّا رَزَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِىَ أَحَدَكُمُ ٱلْمَوْتُ فَيَقُولَ رَبِّ لَوْلَآ أَخَّرْتَنِىٓ إِلَىٰٓ أَجَلٍ قَرِيبٍ فَأَصَّدَّقَ وَأَكُن مِّنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ ﴿١٠
O you who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that - then those are the losers. (9)And spend [in the way of Allah] from what We have provided you before death approaches one of you and he says, "My Lord, if only You would delay me for a brief term so I would give charity and be among the righteous." (10)
There are causes beyond our own families, we make time for that, but not at the expense of the rights of our families. However, if you are so obsessed with your families and no time for the Deen, then there is a huge problem. Why? Because we were sent on this earth to serve Allah's Deen and part of that is to take care of our families, but there are other parts too. We have to learn to find the balance. It is extremely hard to find that balance but you have to try your very best. If you can find a way to organize your week, you've got a good life. In it, you give time to yourself (including do a little bit of exercise), family, learning, worship, parents, relatives, career, da'wah, etc. Often times we are good at something and not good at something else, and so we focus on the ones we are good at and we let everything else go on the wayside. This create an imbalance and we can be completely bankrupt on one end or another. We have to watch this.
Remember, when we go into our graves, nothing will go with us except our deeds. Our money and our children will not go with us.
ٱلْمَالُ وَٱلْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا ۖ وَٱلْبَـٰقِيَـٰتُ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ خَيْرٌ عِندَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًا وَخَيْرٌ أَمَلًا ﴿٤٦[Qur'an, Al-Kahf 18:46]
Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one's] hope. (46)
رَبَّنَآ ءَاتِنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً وَهَيِّئْ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًا
Our Lord, grant us from Yourself mercy and prepare for us from our affair right guidance. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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