بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
When it comes to marriages, mothers share a lot of information and give a lot of advice to their daughters. But, they often forget or overlook the importance of imparting some advice when it comes to their sons. In fact, the relationship a son has with his mother or how he sees his mother, is usually reflected on how he sees and treats other women, especially his wife.
Mothers are a very important figure in their son's life. The link between a mother and son is one of the most precious and special relationships a woman shares.
Therefore, it is important for mothers to have a chat with their sons just before their marriage, on marriage.
Here are a few things that this chat can start with.
Focus on the true purpose and understand the aim of matrimony
Focusing on the true purpose and understanding the aim of matrimony are keys for a happy reunion. Marriage is the foundation of human life, a Divine gift, and a Prophetic sunnah. In the outward sense, is merely a social contract, but it is also a “spiritual covenant”. Marriage in Islam is a sacred covenant, whereby intimacy between the genders becomes lawful and sanctified, and acceptable to the Lord of the Worlds. So, there is an issue of not only fidelity towards your wife and not only a desire to please your wife and to sacrifice for your wife, but also to please Allah and to have fidelity in your dealings with Allah Almighty. Marriage is an institution whereby you can deepen your relationship not only with another human being, but with Allah subhanahu wa-ta’ala.
Don’t compare your wife with me!
A mother should make sure that her son never compares his wife to her. Whether it comes to cooking or managing the household, most men end up comparing their wives to their mothers (knowingly or unknowingly). Dear son, you need to realize that your mother has more than two decades of experience of being a wife (and mother). While, your wife is as new to marriage as you are. So, whether it is her culinary skills, managing the budget, waking up on time, or anything that the super-mommy does better, do not compare it all with your wife. Your wife is just as awesome in her own way, and some day she will be just an awesome mommy to your child.
Your wife is not your "mommy"!
That's right guys, your wife is not your mommy. This means, it is time to grow up, become responsible, and do some work yourself. And don’t crib about how your mother used to pamper you all the time. You were your mother’s baby, and she was there to take care of you. On the other hand, to your wife, you are her companion, and so you both have to take care of each other. Help her out, divide work, and no matter what, take care of your own things. This means, socks go in the laundry and not on the floor and the wet towel does not belong on the bed.
Respect your wife!
Yes, your mother will always be important for you and even for your wife. Having said that, your wife is the one who will be standing by your side and facing all the ups and downs with you always. So, she needs to be treated with respect. Give importance to her opinions and advice. She will never be able to or try to undermine your mother’s position in your life. But, she too deserves your respect.
Help your wife at every step!
Your wife has kissed goodbye to her family and home for you. So, now it is your turn to make her feel as comfortable as possible in the new home. Her life has turned upside down, and even small things can make her uncomfortable and anxious. So, make sure you become her partner and guide in her new home. Also, make sure that she feels at ease to talk about her feelings. Make sure that you do small little things to make her adjustment to the new environment and lifestyle pleasant and easy.
Never stop loving your wife!
Not even 40 years later when her hair will not be shiny black or stylish and her face will not have her natural pink blush. Love her unconditionally. Accept her just the way she is because that is the reason you chose her as your better half. Keep surprising her, make her laugh, sweep her off her feet, and keep the relationship forever new and young. Tell her how much you love her even when her hair is all messy when she wakes up in the morning, or when she has flour on her face while she is making bread, and all the other times when she feels that she looks like a mess.
Mothers understand that marriages are a lot about compromise and adjustments for both sides. So, there is no one better who can give these lessons to the grooms.
May Allah bring much happiness, tranquility, and barakah (blessings) in your marriage.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.
Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
And Allah knows best and Allah alone grant success. Ameen.
Wassalaam
Related Archive
A Mother's Advice to Her Daughter Getting Married
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