In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
The Islamic marriage ceremony is not a social function but a religious one. So we should have the function according to the dictates of Islam, not culture, not customs.
If we want Allah's help, adopt the teachings of Qur'an and Sunnah. Then see how Allah helps us. It is clearly stated in the Qur'an,
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱدْخُلُوا۟ فِى ٱلسِّلْمِ كَآفَّةً وَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ خُطُوَٰتِ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنِ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَكُمْ عَدُوٌّ مُّبِينٌ ﴿٢٠٨[Qur'an, al-Baqarah 2: 208]
O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy. (208)
Qur'an adopts interrogative expressions to have our attention and says,
أَفَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِبَعْضِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ وَتَكْفُرُونَ بِبَعْضٍ ۚ[Qur'an, al-Baqarah 2:85]
So do you believe in part of the Scripture and disbelieve in part?
فَمَا جَزَآءُ مَن يَفْعَلُ ذَٰلِكَ مِنكُمْ إِلَّا خِزْىٌ فِى ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا ۖ وَيَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ يُرَدُّونَ إِلَىٰٓ أَشَدِّ ٱلْعَذَابِ ۗ وَمَا ٱللَّهُ بِغَـٰفِلٍ عَمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ ﴿٨٥
Then what is the recompense for those who do that among you except disgrace in worldly life; and on the Day of Resurrection they will be sent back to the severest of punishment. And Allah is not unaware of what you do. (85)
So it is our foremost duty to implement the teachings of Islam in our lives because acceptances of some things and refusal of others is the indication of hypocrisy. Bani Israel were destroyed just because of this behavior. They accepted some of the commands of their holy Book for their convenience.
Do all marriage customs conform to Islamic teachings? Do we spend our lives according to Islam? Our reply is certainly in the negative. We are depending on hypocrisy and show. Our attitude is totally based on hypocrisy. We are entangled in family conflicts. We are not enjoying peace of mind. We are constantly stressed. May Allah have mercy on us. All this discussion reveals that complete acceptance is the obedience. So carefully follow the ways that please Allah. Never fear the mortals. Keep on the right path, certainly you will be successful.
Islamic marriage has two sides which are two facets of a single reality. One facet deals with the inner nature of marriage - the “why” of marriage - the deeper, less self-evident purposes of marriage. The other is the practical side which seeks to ensure a firm, non-sentimental approach to practical issues which are necessary for a successful negotiation of the difficult path of marriage.
The marriage ceremony (nikah) reflects these two facets.
One facet is the intention which the man and woman make internally within themselves as they recite the marriage contract. This intention must be firm and clear and based upon the understanding of marriage as laid out in the Qur'an,
هُوَ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَٰحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا ۖ فَلَمَّا تَغَشَّىٰهَا حَمَلَتْ حَمْلًا خَفِيفًا فَمَرَّتْ بِهِۦ ۖ فَلَمَّآ أَثْقَلَت دَّعَوَا ٱللَّهَ رَبَّهُمَا لَئِنْ ءَاتَيْتَنَا صَـٰلِحًا لَّنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلشَّـٰكِرِينَ ﴿١٨٩[Qur'an, Al-A'raf 7:189]
It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her. And when he covers her, she carries a light burden and continues therein. And when it becomes heavy, they both invoke Allah, their Lord, "If You should give us a good [child], we will surely be among the grateful." (189)
The male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person.
The other facet is the legal facet - the fact that marriage is also a contract with attendant rights and obligations which the man and woman fullfil towards one another. It is in this contract that the man and woman can specify terms and conditions of the marriage, if they wish to. By making the practical side upfront and clear there can be no misunderstandings at a later time. The words of the actual contract are as follows:
The woman says: “I have made myself your wife and have accepted the mahr.” Then the man responds: “I have accepted the marriage.” The words should be recited in Arabic, if possible. If one is unable to recite them in Arabic then a representative (wakeel) recites them on your behalf, as in: “Fatima makes herself your wife....” It should be noted here that the act of marriage is in the hands of the woman - she is the one who does the giving - the man then accepts what she gives.
It is through the nikah (and only through the nikah) that a man and woman become legally permissible to one another for the type of close and intimate relationship signified in marriage.
The mahr is a “free gift” that the man offers to the woman as a token of the seriousness of his intention and his love for her - that he sacrifices something of his substance to her as a gift that is hers to do with as she pleases. The mahr can range from something immaterial such as teaching a verse of the Qur'an to his wife, to a ring, to property or money. The mahr must be agreed upon by the man and woman themselves, not their parents. The mahr is given to the bride - not her parents. The mahr is hers and hers alone and she may return all or a portion of it to her husband, if she so wishes or use it in whatever way she desires without pressure from the husband or either hers or his family.
It is as simple as that, but how many a time you see people make marriage so complicated in the name of culture? May Allah guide the ummah. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
Related Archive
The Most Blessed Marriage: Simplicity of Marriage Ceremony and Feast (Walimah)
Why Marry?
Pious Intentions for Marriage
Video Mufti Menk's Warning Against Unislamic Wedding Practices
No comments:
Post a Comment