Motherhood - A Spiritual Journey

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Nothing else can produce the joy or broken heart that motherhood allows. I couldn't imagine going through life without feeling that spectrum of emotion. There are wonderful days when I feel my job is done here. And there are days that I want to run away and question every decision I have ever made. Feeling it all, good or bad, takes me to a more intense spiritual journey. Motherhood is the most extreme measure of being alive.

Motherhood is to keep giving, keep loving, and knowing that you can never give up, even while experiencing the hardest trials of life. I have learned to rise to any occasion and found myself lifted to new heights while stretching myself beyond any and all limits I once put upon myself.

Motherhood. It's hard, but few understand why.

It's not the day to day tasks, really: caring for children, kissing boo boos, and all of that.

It's the giving. The endless giving of yourself.

You've never given so much in your life.

You give until it hurts and then you give some more.

You give until you're scraping the bottom of your giving well and then say to yourself, "I've given everything I have. Every moment. Every possession. Every selfish part of me, I've given it." And then you give some more.

You give until it feels like you're cutting off pieces of yourself.

You give until you become afraid that there won't be any of you left.

You give the little treasures that you tucked far away with lock and a key.

You give and give and give.

You give at 3AM when you're so tired that you're hallucinating, walking into walls, and putting the remote in the freezer.

You cry and scream "I have nothing left" and then you give some more.

And the audience says, "Well you chose this so don't you dare complain" and you try to explain that while, yes, it hurts, yes you're bleeding and feel alone, you wouldn't change a thing.

And then you keep giving while warm tears fall on your cheeks.

That's what makes motherhood hard. It's not the diaper changes or hectic dinners, it's the giving.

Cry if you need to. Get away for awhile if you can, although you probably can't.

Maybe one day your child will turn to you and say, "thank you," but most likely they won't until it's their turn to hold a squishy baby who can't settle at 2AM or a toddler who needs a hug even though you're touched out at 4PM.

Keep going. Keep loving.

Keep giving.

This is motherhood.

There's tremendous gain in motherhood, spiritually, so why, then, are there so few mothers who have perfected their faith as opposed to, let's say, fathers?

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam said,

كَمَلَ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ كَثِيرٌ، وَلَمْ يَكْمُلْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ إِلاَّ مَرْيَمُ بِنْتُ عِمْرَانَ، وَآسِيَةُ امْرَأَةُ فِرْعَوْنَ، وَفَضْلُ عَائِشَةَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ كَفَضْلِ الثَّرِيدِ عَلَى سَائِرِ الطَّعَامِ

Many amongst men attained perfection but amongst women none attained the perfection except Maryam, the daughter of `Imran and Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh. And the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. an Arabic dish) to other meals. [Bukhari]

It may be because a man's test is inward, a test of character, so one can easily ignore the worldly life and detach themselves and "easily" perfect themselves, finding only Allah as acceptable and therefore refuse any other. But a woman's test is "outward," how well she can nurture others and push humanity in the right direction, (whereas a man uses the tools given to him to drive humanity to its proper destination). When a person's test is other than themselves, it "becomes" significantly more difficult to detach from the world. And when people dive into the world, they tend to get lost in it.

Water is pure and purifying, and man's test is to be pure, and a woman's test is to be purifying. It is "common" to find something pure and not purifying, but it becomes increasingly difficult to find something purifying.

May Allah make us of those who are constantly repentant and of those who purify themselves and save us from the torment of the Hellfire. Ameen.

إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلتَّوَّ‌ٰبِينَ وَيُحِبُّ ٱلْمُتَطَهِّرِ‌ينَ ﴿٢٢٢

...Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves." (222)

[Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:222]

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Wassalaam

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