بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Ramadhan fasting is not about iftars and suhur (pre-dawn meals). The very purpose of fasting is so we may become people of taqwa (righteousness, piety, Godfearingness).
Fasting is an act of self control/restraint from which a person is meant to acquire a state which is of the most and emphasized of human state -- a state of being conscious of your Lord and wary of disobeying Him in one's action. It is to break the desire for lust, and to cool the fire of selfishness and arrogance, so that the soul instead of being inclined towards the desires of lust, it becomes obedient towards the commands of the Almighty.
Allah Almighty says,
... يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ ٱلصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ ﴿١٨٣﴾ أَيَّامًا مَّعْدُودَٰتٍ ۚ فَمَن كَانَ مِنكُم مَّرِيضًا أَوْ عَلَىٰ سَفَرٍ فَعِدَّةٌ مِّنْ أَيَّامٍ أُخَرَ
O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous - (183) [Fasting for] a limited number of days. ...
[Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:183-184]
Tawqa of Allah (iitaqullah) means to do something (shield of good deeds) to place between yourself and the anger of Allah. It is also used with respect to Hell (ittaqunnar) or the Last Day (wattaqu yauman fihi illallah). Each of these, Hell and the Last Day, there is something to be frightened of.
One area that each and everyone of us need to work on this Ramadhan is taqwa of Allah concerning our parents, whether they are still living or not. Our duty towards our parents is not just when they are alive but it continues on until we ourselves die.
Immediately after Allah enjoins us to worship Him Alone, Allah enjoins us to be in a state of excellence with our parents--how we deal with them, how we talk with them, how we think of them, how we respond to them, what we want for them, keeping ties with them, always trying to better our relationship with them, always trying to to make life easy for them, always trying to give what they want and help them in the best of ways.
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣﴾ وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا ﴿٢٤
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, excellence (excellent treatment). Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24)
[Qur'an, Al-Isra’ 17:23-24]
... وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and with parents, the best (excellence)..
[Qur'an, An-Nisa 4:36]
Allah has enjoined us to be grateful to Him and to our parents. Being grateful to Him is being grateful to your parents. Being ungrateful to your parents is being ungrateful to Allah.
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14)
[Qur'an, Luqman 31:14]
Whenever we come across verses or traditions about parents, we find that they all are based on dutifulness and benevolence.
All the traditions, which have reached us, are based on the same rights of parents. For example, if we speak of the companions of the Raqeem (the companions of the cave), or the matter of the Cow of children Israel in the Qur'an verses and the Prophetic traditions, or a Christian mother who converts to Islam, or when it is said that Uwais al-Qarni had the smell of paradise, or when Allah introduces al-Khidhr to Prophet Musa (peace be upon them), they are all the result of respecting and being dutiful and kind to parents. When Allah mentions Prophet Yahya (peace be upon him), He mentions about him being dutiful to his parents [Qur'an, Maryam 19:14-15] and Allah mentions Prophet Isa (peace be upon them) about being dutiful to his mother [Qur'an, Maryam 19:31-32].
Unfortunately very little attention is paid to all these in today's Muslim families and communities. Every Muslim should know what duty they have and realize what benefits they are getting by being kind to their parents, and what problems they are getting into by mistreating, neglecting, annoying or hurting their parents.
If we think of al-Khidhr (peace be upon him) when killing the young boy during his journey with Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) or the man who suffered too much at dying during the Prophet's time (Allah bless him and grant him peace), or Jurayh the great worshiper of the Children of Israel, and other examples, we find that it is all due to hurting and annoying their parents.
Kindness to parents includes doing each righteous deed for them that you can and refraining from doing anything that may hurt or displease them. This is how to be grateful to them.
Your being grateful to Allah and to your parents should be represented in your obedience to them and in serving them because they sacrificed their souls, wealth and health for your sake. Because of this, you should be kind to them, in order to be a dutiful child.
Kindness to parents is the dearest deed to Allah, after Prayer. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam was asked: “Which deed is the dearest to Allah? (In another narration it was said: which deed is the best?) He replied: "Performing prayer on its time." It was asked: What is next? He said: "Kindness to parents." It was asked: What is next? He said: "Jihaad in the cause of Allah.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
Thus, kindness to parents is given priority over Jihaad in the cause of Allah, which indicates our great duty towards our parents. “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam asking his permission to go for Jihad. Thereupon, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam asked him: "Are your parents alive?" He answered: Yes. He said: "Then go and serve them, for this is also Jihaad.”
In the narration of Muslim: “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam and said: I pay homage to you to emigrate and struggle in the cause of Allah, seeking reward from Allaah. The Prophet asked: "Are any of your parents alive?" He said: Both are alive. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said, "Do you seek Allah's reward?" He replied, "Yes". The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: "Then return to them and be a good companion to them”
Struggle and sacrifice for the sake of parents includes serving them and assisting them financially, especially if one is well off while they are impoverished. Obedience to parents requires being at their beck and call, complying to what they command or forbid, as they are more keen to advise what is best for you than yourself, your friends and your company. You should then hearken to their directions and obey them in doing good. When one of them orders you to do something, you should reply as Ismail replied to his father Ibrahim when he was told about the command of Allah that he be sacrificed,
قَالَ يَـٰٓأَبَتِ ٱفْعَلْ مَا تُؤْمَرُ ۖ سَتَجِدُنِىٓ إِن شَآءَ ٱللَّهُ مِنَ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ ...
...He said, "O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the patient ones." (102)
[Qur'an, As-Saffat 37:102]
You should address your parents gently and politely and consult them in your affairs, not do whatever you like, even if you don't depend on them anymore, and make many supplications for them and ask Allah to forgive their sins. You should not raise your voice in their presence, nor look at them angrily or with contempt. You should not wave with your hands or your fingers when you talk to them, nor interrupt them when they speak. You should not argue with them, tell them lies, nor travel except after taking their permission. All of these are some aspects of being kind and dutiful to parents.
Kindness to parents requires you to speak to them using honorable speech i.e., saying something good to them with esteem and respect (and always speak of them with honor and respect), and to lower the wing of humility out of mercy to them, in all your words and deeds. Act towards them politely without feeling discontent, whether you like it or not. Many children think that kindness to parents is only practiced when it coincides with their own desires. However, kindness to parents cannot be achieved except by doing what pleases them, even if it is against the tendencies of the children.
Therefore, if your parents forbid you to go on a journey that you have already arranged, or to associate with certain company, or to stay awake until late at night, spending time in pastime and play even though you feel annoyed at that, you will not be a dutiful son if you do not obey. If your father, mother, grandfather or grandmother orders you to do a good deed, but you refuse to do it, it will be disobedience on your part. Nothing troubles parents more than being disobeyed by their children.
Your parents are the most compassionate of all people to you and the most forbearing of your faults. Many times they overlook your mistakes and forgive you. They struggle in life in order for you to feel happy and trouble themselves in order that you may be at ease. They give to you in such a way that does not cause you to be indebted to them or in a way that hurts your feelings. They wish you long and good life. On the contrary, if you serve them and provide them with food, you make them feel indebted to you and you anticipate their death in order to be relieved of their service.
Beware of mistreating your mother or hurting her feelings, since the Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam stressed the good treatment of mothers more than he did with regard to fathers, because of the great right that mothers have over their children. “A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam and asked: Which of the people is most deserving of my good companionship? He replied: "It is your mother." He said: Who is the next? He replied: "It is your mother." He said: Who is the next? He said: "It is your mother." He asked: Who is the next? The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam answered: "It is your father.” (Bukhari).
Your mother has great rights over you. You should be a good companion to her and kind to her as much as you can. This is the way that leads to your pleasure in this world and in the Hereafter. So, hasten before it is too late! Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) said: ”I do not know a deed more favorable to Allah than kindness to mothers”. Rifa'ah bin Iyas said: “I saw a man weeping at the funeral of his mother. I exclaimed: Do you weep?! He said: Why not? A gate of Paradise has been closed before me”.
Hisham bin Hassan said: “I said to Al-Hasan: I am studying Qur'an, but my mother is expecting me for dinner. Al-Hasan said: Go and have dinner with your mother to please her, for this is dearer to me than a supererogatory pilgrimage you may make”.
Some people listen to their wives, fulfill their demands and seek their pleasure. This is good. But they, on the other hand, mistreat their mothers by neglecting them, not caring to ask about them or visiting them. They may even agree with ill remarks made by their wives and children concerning their mothers which enrage them and make them wish for the death of their mothers. This is the worst kind of ingratitude towards parents.
Instead, a man should seek the pleasure of his mother, even if he displeases all the other people for her sake. Forbid your children to hurt your mother with words or deeds, and strictly reject the complaints made by your wife about your mother. Rather, you should rather exhort your wife to respect your mother and to be more patient with her occasional mistakes. This is your taqwa and better for you.
Be aware that kindness or unkindness to your parents is an act that will be repaid likewise. If a Muslim obeys his parents, his children will obey him. If he honors his parents, his children will honor him, and vice versa. It was narrated in a Hadith: "As you are kind to your parents, so will your children be kind to you."
Beware of Allah's punishment because of your unkindness to your parents. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: "Allah delays the punishment of sins according to His Will until the Day of Resurrection, except for unkindness to parents, Allah hastens its punishment for the one guilty of it before his death."
Among the Children of Israel, there was an ascetic called Jurayh who lived in a monastery. One day his mother came to him while he was engaged in prayer. The mother called him but Jurayh ignored her. Returning from the monastery, the mother said: I ask the God of the Children of Israel to disgrace you!’
The following day, a prostitute went to the monastery. She was in labor, claiming that the child belong to Jurayh. Soon, the story spread among the Israelites. People said: ‘The one who blamed us for adultery, has committed adultery himself!’ The king ordered Jurayh to be hanged. Jurayh’s mother went to him while beating on her head. Jurayh said: ‘Be silent, for this is because of your curse! What am I to do with adultery?’ The people, who heard this, said: ‘O Jurayh, how can you prove that you are innocent?’ Jurayh said: ‘Bring the child!’ The child was brought. Jurayh said: ‘Who is your father?’ The child said: so-and-so shepherd from so-and-so tribe.’ Allah denied what they had said about Jurayh. Jurayh took oath that he would serve his mother and never part from her.
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam also said: "Let him be humbled, let him be humbled, let him be humbled.’ It was said: Allah's Messenger, who is he? He said, "He who accompanies his parents in old age, either one or both of them, but did not use their presence (by doing good to them, etc.) to cause him to enter Paradise." (Muslim).
'Umar bin 'Abdul-'Aziz (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Do not befriend one who is unkind to his parents, for how can he be kind to you while he is unkind to his parents?”
'Umar bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Causing parents to weep is unkindness to them.” Mujahid said: A child should not hold back the hand of his father if he beats him. A child who glares at his parents is not a kind child. A child who grieves his parents is an unkind child”. Ka'b Al-Ahbar was asked about unkindness to parents, to which he replied: “If you disobey the command of your parents, you will be fully unkind to them”.
Here are some examples of persons who were kind to their parents. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: "I entered Paradise and heard a recitation. I asked: What is this? It was said: This is Harithah bin Al-Nu'man. The Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: This is the result of kindness, since he was kind to his mother." It was also reported that whenever his mother commanded him to do something that he could not understand, he would not ask her to explain. Rather, he would ask any of those who were attending in her company to tell him what she meant.
Al-Fadl bin Yahya was kind to his father, who habitually made ablution with warm water. When they were in prison, the jailer forbade Al-Fadl to kindle fire to heat water for his father, then he drew a brass vessel full of water near a lamp. When it was morning the water had become hot and thus his father could make ablution with it. The jailer then forbade him to heat water by the lamp, so he took the vessel to his bed and attached it to his belly. When it was morning the water had become a bit warm.
Ibn Sirin refrained from talking about his mother, out of respect to her. 'Umar bin Dharr was asked: “How was your son kind to you? He replied: Whenever I walked during the day, he would walk behind me, and whenever I walked at night, he would walk in front of me. He never went up on a roof, while I was under him”.
Al-Bukhari narrated the story of the three men who sought shelter in a cave, then a huge rock blocked the entrance of the cave. They then implored Allah to save them by virtue of their good deeds. One of them said: “O Allah! I had two old parents, and some young children. I took the profession of grazing (sheep or cattle) to earn a living. Whenever I returned home, I used to provide milk for them, beginning with my parents. One day, I went too far in pursuit of wood. I did not return home until it was night. I found my parents asleep. I milked as usual and brought milk and stood beside them, refraining from either awakening them or beginning with my children, who were suffering from hunger. Thus continued our state of affairs until it was dawn”.
It was narrated by Muhammad bin Sirin that he said: “During the Caliphate of 'Uthman bin 'Affan, the price of palm-trees reached 1000 dirhams. Usamah bin Zaid, may Allah be pleased with him, headed for a palm-tree that he cut off, extracted its core and fed to his mother. The people said to him: What made you do that, while you know that the price of a palm-tree has reached 1000 dirhams, while its core does not equal 2 dirhams. He said: My mother asked me to bring it to her. I always bring her anything she asked me, as long as it was in my capacity”.
If your parents or one of them died while you did not fulfill your duties towards them and you regret it, you still have a chance to set things right. This can be done by asking Allah's forgiveness and mercy for them, by giving charity on their behalf, visiting relatives they used to visit, keeping ties with their close friends, being kind to their siblings especially the womenfolk, fulfilling the vows they made before their death. These and similar good deeds please parents after their death, since they alleviate their sins and increase their good deeds. It was narrated: “The parents of a servant of Allah or one of them may die while he was unkind to them, but will later be regarded as a good son by Allah. This is because of his frequent supplication to Allah for them and his asking Allah's forgiveness of their sins”.
O Allah, help us be dutiful and excellent to our parents and shower us with Your Mercy, for You are the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. O Allah, have mercy on our parents and all our believing ancestors, pardon them and and forgive them, for You are the Pardoner, the Most Forgiving. Ameen.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wasallam.
And Allah knows best and He alone grants success.
Wassalaam
